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School bday parties
Alright - so Gavin has 28 other kids in his class and he's just been invited to party # 6 or 7 since school started 9 weeks ago. I know we don't have to go to every single one; in fact, we've only been to two and I chose those two based on 1) I had already met the parents, 2) they happened to fall on a Sunday (I tend to work Saturdays), and 3) both asked for donations to charity versus gifts.
I feel like a bit of a Scrooge about it, but we're not going to have a party for Gavin's 6th bday; if anything, we'll let him invite a couple of kids to Fun Fore All, or something along those lines.
But I feel guilty and I don't want Gavin to feel like he's missing out (which, he hasn't said anything of the like as of yet). So, what do all of you do with school friends, parents you don't know and birthday parties? We just got ANOTHER invite yesterday for one at a local farm at 10am in 2 weeks - won't it be freakin' cold?! I don't work a second job to buy $15-20 gifts for kids I don't know!!!
My three sons!
Re: School bday parties
Caileigh only went to a couple last year - surprisingly it wasn't as bad as I expected but it was only kindergarten & the kids were just getting to know each other. This year I did let her have some girls over for her bday. I ended up doing it at my house & we did crafts and games. This is the first time she has had friends over for her bday & I caved b/c she does have some good girl friends that she plays with all the time. I figure we will do it maybe every other year. I'd love to know how the parents convinced their kids to do donations to charity. I'd love to do that but my DH didn't go for it. My biggest fear was getting a million toys she wouldn't use & sure enough she has 8 barbies in their box unopened since mid Oct! Oh well.
I asked my one friend that has 6 kids (no kidding) and scraps to get buy what she does & she said that they don't go to all of them but she also scours the bins at walmart during sale times & picks up tpys for $5 or so & stores them in her basement for party presents. My thoughts on limiting it is - 1) is it convenient for you? 2) does Gavin really know the kid or is it a invite everyone in the class kind of party and he never talks to the kid at all? That's how I'd weed them out.
How time flies! Caileigh (9), Keira (6) & Eamon (3)
First, presents. My standard gift for a child that we don't know well is a coloring book and a pack of crayons or colored pencils. Useful and cheap.
Second, the kids will each have a party, but they will only invite a handful of friends. Either just above the minimum for the place we have it or 4-5 kids if we have it at home. I don't ever plan to have a party where we invite the whole class.
We've only gotten two invitations so far this year. H missed the first one because of bad morning behavior and I took her to the second one this past weekend. I appreciated the chance to meet a few other K parents. The whole class was invited (22 kids) and about 8 kids from the class came.
Personally, I don't think there is any reason to feel guilty for not having a birthday party and inviting the entire class. I appreciate that it is fun, but by no means do I think it is necessary.
I'm not in that position yet, but that sounds insane. I don't remember going to that many parties as a kid. I would do what you are doing. Go to the parties of the kids he is friends with and you know the parents. Maybe hit up some good Christmas sales and start a stockpile of party gifts.
Being on a farm in a couple of weeks sounds like the opposite of a good time!
Jake has been invited to probably 8 parties of classmates in the past 3 or 4 months. We've gone to 5 of those, and I based our RSVP on the individual child. Of those 5, we played tball with 2 of them (and they're in Jake's preschool class, so I've known the parents for awhile), and the other 3 have been his closest buddies since he started at this school. The good thing is, they are lumped together in the preschool class by age ( he's in the "older 4" class right now, so everyone is having a bday all around the same time....I expect the party invitations to slow down significantly now that a lot of his friends have already turned 5!) It seems like it was just a wave of all the kids turning 5 right around the same time.
I like Sheila's suggestion of picking up a few things on super clearance to have on hand. For one the parties we recently went to, I found a Finn McMissle action car in the clearance aisle at walmart; it was originally $23, they had it marked down to $10. Score! I also like to pick up coloring books or puzzles at the Dollar Tree (they sell actual character ones, too) and keep a stash of those, so I can throw those in with a smaller gift.
I wouldn't feel bad at all if I were you for not doing a full out bday party, I'm sure he will love going someplace special with just a few of his closer friends!
Jake - 1.15.08
Liam - 5.17.11
EJ's party last year included all the daycare friends. But I think there were like 9 of them. Only her friends came, so about 5 of them. I only invited everyone cause there were so few I would have not included. and I figured they wouldn't come anyway.
As for attendance, we go to the parties for EJ's friends if we are free. so she has gone to 3 over the past year. This year, I may just let her invite the girls over for some kind of party at the house. I don't know. But it is creeping up. I suppose I should figure it out.
I have to say that I'm not a huge fan of invite the entire class parties. I posted about this back when I was planning dd's bday party. I felt pressured to invite everyone but didn't want to nor did I have the space. I ended up inviting 5 girls from daycare and a few non school friends. I plan to try to continue that throughout school. Maybe a big bday like 10 she can have a bigger party. But I just can't see doing it every year.
And on the flip side I agree about not going to every party. So far I ask dd if she wants to go and that is usually how we decide (unless we just can't make it regardless). I know who she is friends with for the most part so those are the ones she wants to go to. Generally right now it's split Boy vs girls so we pretty much go to girl parties.
Mans the present stuff is out of hand! Last year was when the parties really started and I was shocked by how much other parents were giving/spending. I agree I'm not going to every party and spending that much on kids dd doesn't really know.
I felt mom guilt this year for pulling Jackson out of a class of his friends to go to Pittsburgh Public Schools and decided to have his first birthday party. I invited the kids from daycare that he was sad to be leaving, as well as some of his friends from his new school and some kids that we've had playdates with. He had a blast, but no way would I do that every year, it's too crazy and way too expensive to do so. I figure every few years we can so something big.
I definitely don't see the need to invite the whole class to a party. We've gotten a few class invitations. If we're free and it's something I think Jackson would like and that I know his friends are going to, I'll send him. If it's one of the kids he likes and talks about, we'll go. Otherwise, I'm declining.
Jake - 1.15.08
Liam - 5.17.11
Thanks for all of the feedback! With three of the parties, they were all within 10 days of each other, so I told Gavin he could pick one (and urged him towards the one). At that party, this past weekend, a Mom from another party came up and asked me if we had gotten her invite. I was kind of shocked, but she put it as that she learned a couple of kids never got the invite (which was distributed through the classroom). Meanwhile, I had gotten her email and subsequent paper invite. (And, of course, every party we can't make, I still contact the parent to let them know - I just completely forgot this time around! And also, every time I have RSVPd "no", I have not once gotten a response from the parent.)
I did feel bad b/c I did know the Mom - I just had forgotten! Also, her son is #4, so I was kind of surprised they did the presents thing.
As for donating, I know Gavin wouldn't have a problem with it because he'd still get gifts from us and family. We often talk about how there are other kids out there who have much less than he does (when he whines about how so-and-so has more than him), so that usually stops any whine that may come out of him.
The one party did food donations to their local pantry - Mom put it as "please bring some of Kenny's favorite foods to donate: pb, jelly, cereal, canned fruit". The thank you note was a pic of the boy sitting next to all of the donated food. The other has a set of twins and came right out and said that receiving 80 gifts was just too much and that it made more "cents" to donate cents to a charity. We rolled about $15 worth of coins and gave them those. (I'm not sure what charity they were donating to.)
We did the donation thing for Conall's 1st bday - we asked everyone to either make a direct donation to a children's charity in our area or to give it to me to pass on; I submitted each check with a tax form so that the donor got the tax letter for it. It was actually nice not to have more toys lying around to clean up after!
My three sons!
ugh. Adam has already asked why he didnt have a friend party for his 4 year birthday.
We invite a few family friends and the neighbor so I told him we have ONE BIG PARTY for everyone!!... He kinda isn't buying it....
Fortunatly his birthday is in July so I don't feel too guilty not inviting everyone in class when I decide to let him have a "friend party" I plan on holding off as long as possible, but when we do I figure his 2 outside of school boy friend, the neighbor boy maybe and a friend or 2 that he is closest with from school or that we end up keeping up with over the break.
We have only had one invite so far and that was at bounce u. they handed them out at class and he was super excited to go. When I replied the mother said her son would be happy "he talks about Adam".
We'll see how it goes with other invites, I don't mind going to some- especially if they are people I know he is "friends" with....thing is he is in Catholic school and i doubt that we will be keeping him there so most of those kids we won't see after this year since they will either stay at that school or are from other areas anyway.
Married, September 23, 2006