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Spouse working opposite shift...How do you make it work?
Hi Guys,
I'm new around here and am just looking for a bit of advice. I did post this to the 9-5 board, but this board looks a little more active so I thought I'd see if anyone has any suggestions.
Currently I work from home and have some flexibility in my hours although I do try to keep semi-normal business hours sometime between around 7am-5pm. My husband has been working first shift at his job which is from 6:30am-4pm and we just found out today that they will be switching him to another shift from 4pm-1:30am in about a week.
We've never had to work such opposite hours, and I guess I'm just looking for advice on how others have made this sort of thing work, like with meals, sleep, etc. I'm also a little worried about waking him up while I'm on calls with clients, or just cleaning up around the house.
Thanks so much for your advice!
Re: Spouse working opposite shift...How do you make it work?
I work days and DH works night, so I get what you are going through, and we don't have meals together. I leave for work and he is sleep. I return from work and he is gone to work and sleep most times when he gets home. It sucks.
My advice is to just spend the days that you are both off doing something really nice. As for meals, since you work from home, you can have lunch together.
TTC since September 2012
During about 2 years or so of H and my relationship before getting married we were on opposite schedules. I worked normal hours until 5pm or so and he would go in from noon-10pm or 11pm. Which sucked even more is that I had to work a lot of weekends as well so when he was off, I was working. It was very hard to only see each other when we were sleeping next to each other and on a lucky weekend that I happen to have off. We were also fortunate to be living together because we really would have never seen each other if we weren't.
All we did was make the best of it. We would plan date nights when we were both available on weekends. I would end up staying up a little later so we could have an hour or 2 together. Or I would try and visit him for 15 min at work every once in awhile. There were a lot of meals and events that we didn't get to spend together. I would end up spending a lot of time with my family and friends.
Hopefully your situation isn't permanent but if it looks like it's going to be for awhile, I would just get creative and carve out as much time for each other as possible. Good luck!
Not exactly the same, but DH and I were long distance for awhile when we were dating, and we both have our busy times at work where we may not see each other much, eat meals alone, etc.
I agree with PP that making the most of your time off together is important. Look online to see what fun thing are in your area for those days. Also, I found that one of the most important things is letting the other know you are thinking about them. What about making and packing a special snack for each other at work, with a note? Or if you have breaks, have a quick phone call to talk about your days. Maybe you could eat lunch together, even if it is just one if you bringing a sandwich to the other.
As far as opposite schedules and sleep goes, ear plugs are a person's best friend! (and room darkening shades depending on the shift.) We made the bed room a "no phone zone unless charging, then it was on vibrate only.) I got home around 4AM and we would sleep together for about 4 hours.
As far as meals go, you may have to get a little creative about what you consider a meal schedule. I would wake up around noon and DH would leave for work around 2. He would always have my coffee ready for me when I got up and maybe make me breakfast if I was hungry. On our days off "dinner time" was around 7 PM (my lunch time, his dinner.) I would usually have a heavy snack again around 10:30- 1AM depending on what dinner was. If I cooked and he wasn't home I would leave leftovers for him. If it was a night I was working and he was home I made sure there was easy stuff to make for him that I don't care for. (He puts an egg in his ramen noodles. Blech! LOL) I guess overall we let hunger dictate our meals, not a clock.
As far as cleaning went, it always waited until we were both up or one of us wasn't home. Laundry would get done after I was up since the washer/ dryer are in the bed room. Dishes, sweeping, general tidying could be done any time. Vacuuming had to wait until I was up.
We would leave notes for each other as needed to keep up on things. If I made him lunch I would stick a note in his lunch bag. Something corny.
Important notes that needed his attention would be left at his spot at the table where he sits to drink his coffee so I know it would be seen. He would leave notes for me on my laptop since that's my first stop on my way to coffee. 
I also found that notes thanking him for something he did, or appreciating something he did that made life easier for me go a loooong way. 
It's hard, but it can be done. You just have to think outside of conventional time frames.
We just started working opposite shifts (I work either 4pm-midnight or 5pm-1am. H works 6-2:30 getting hom around 3).
Its not fun, but it pays the bills. I try and get cleaning and stuff done in daytime while he is at work before I go to work.
We do try and keep our "date nights"....but they are sometimes sunday afternoons since he is home instead of a night and then I go into work after - and most of the time are not going out...but making sure we still have time to connect during the week (that isnt watching tv or doing chores) is really helpful to us. We also changed our meal times so now our big meal of the day ( whenever possible) is around 3pm instead of at dinner. So he takes a lighter lunch to work since he knows we are eating early, and I only have to take a light dinner to work since I just ate a big meal before leaving and we still get to eat together once a day most of the time. Otherwise we fend for ourselves foodwise. Hes a big boy....I made sure he could take care of himself before we got married! haha.
Since you work from home, is there any way you can alter your shedule so you can at least eat lunch together or something?
My Blog:Through My Eyes
My Blog:Through My Eyes
I work 8-5 Mon thru Fri and my husband works 10:30-7:30 Mon thru Fri. It works well because we get the bed to ourselves during the week and someone is always home for the dog and hopefully soon, the kids. For meals, I make myself dinner when I get home and pack up half of the meal for his "lunch". We make sure to spend our shared time together and that seems to be working well so far. The random texts during our work times are also a added bonus.
As for cleaning etc, I do all that I can and save vacuuming until the weekends or when he wakes up. And in terms of worrying about noises, I just make sure to keep things on a lower level. He does the same.
I know this situation all to well! I'm self-employed but work inside a private estate as a personal assistant. My normal work hours are Tuesday - Sunday 3pm - 1am and he works Monday-Friday 8am-7pm. There are weeks we feel like passing ships in the night.
Some things we work on are making sure we really schedule our time together. If we can be together, we are together. We also make sure to do little things for each other. I often make dinner for him so when we gets home all he needs to do is re-heat the meal and enjoy. He often leaves me notes so when I get up in the morning I have a sweet note waiting for me. We also try to meet up and have lunch once a week. It's a meal out together and a lot cheaper than going out for dinner
Hope this helps!
Nutmeg Nanny Food Blog
My husband & I have been together for six and a half years and he's an emergency room RN. He's terribly grumpy in the mornings and is more of a night owl, so he loves working nights, 7 pm-7 am (plus he gets paid more on nights). When I do have a job (I'm in the midst of looking, just moved to a new state two months ago..I swear one of these days I will find one!), I usually work normal business hours as I'm more of a morning person, though I had a job at one point where I would work anywhere from 7-3 to 7 am-11 pm.
I'm not working right now so it's a lot easier to see him, stay up with him on nights off, make him dinner before he leaves, etc. He's probably sick of me at this point, haha.
When we were working opposite shifts, it sucked a bit, I won't lie. Sometimes I wouldn't even get to see him for a day or two if we had really conflicting shifts. However, if he was off the night before I had to go to work, he would make me breakfast and I'd get to see him for a bit before I left, and vice versa. You just have to get through it, go out on dates when you do have time, do special things for each other every once in a while: leave notes, make dinner for him & leave it in the fridge, buy her flowers and leave it on the table, etc.
Thanks everyone for the suggestions and thoughts! I'm glad that we're not alone in all this and that so many of you have made this sort of thing work. I'm sure it will be crazy for a little bit, but we'll find a way. After talking to my H, I think we're going to try and tweak my work schedule a little and just play it by ear for a bit until we figure out what works for us. On the plus side, he's excited that he'll be getting paid a little more and they offered him essentially unlimited overtime (which he loves--he's a workaholic like me, lol). I guess tomorrow we'll start this new adventure!
Thanks again!