Helpp!

amberleigh1012

I have a condition called vulvitis. My vagina contracts every time something enters, meaning I cannot have sex! My SO doesn't like this so he feels the need to watch porn (which I think is wrong.) I don't like giving him oral, because I feel that I'm not good at it, because he always looks bored. 

I tried using lidocaine that my gyn prescribed me and it isn't helping. She also said I need physical therapy, which I can't do right now because of a crazy schedule.  

Do any of you have this problem?  What can I do to fix it? 

oldbugle

1) Work out what your priorities are in life.

 

2) Get a sex manual and read it (preferably with your SO)

 

3) Understand that sex is NOT just about his penis and your vagina, it's a communication between people who respect, like and hopefully love each other.

 

4) Find out how to communicate well on all lifes topics.

 

5) Try to develop some understanding about men.

valawbride12

If intercourse is a priority for you and your relationship, you have to make the time for the physical therapy. I have the same/similar problem and despite a very stressful and busy schedule, I forced myself to go to my appointments and practice at home as much as possible. Going to PT kept me accountable, even when I was feeling overwhelmed, and gives you the initial tools and instruction you need to learn to help with this. Don't do this for your SO - do this for you.

This can be stressful for you and your relationship. It was for us. I felt "broken," like this was "my" problem, etc. and my SO was supportive and understanding. He gave me time to do my exercises at home, we tried to stay intimate in other ways, and he understands if sometimes intercourse just isn't going to happen. It sounds like you guys need to talk about what you want and how you feel. I wouldn't want to give oral if I felt like my SO didn't like it! Talk. And just plant the seed in your head that this might not be the right relationship. You deserve someone who loves you and accepts you the way you are and who is willing to weather storms with you. Good luck, honestly.

jnjmommy0609

oldbugle:

1) Work out what your priorities are in life.

 

2) Get a sex manual and read it (preferably with your SO)

 

3) Understand that sex is NOT just about his penis and your vagina, it's a communication between people who respect, like and hopefully love each other.

 

4) Find out how to communicate well on all lifes topics.

 

5) Try to develop some understanding about men.

This. Plus something I can't understand...because of your condition you can't have sex. And that sucks and is very frustrating for both of you. But yet you won't take the steps to fix it and you feel offended any time your husband tries to get other visual help. Not every one likes to masterbate and look at nothing. So why not make a video of yourself or step out of your comfort zone. Or atleast let him watch porn. This is ALL about closeness, communication and being able to compromise. It isn't an all or nothing situation that you have made it out to be

ALSO chances are the dude is not bored with oral but your insecure about it so it comes off as you are not having fun and he ends up picking up on that vibe.

again talk to HIM and find a middle ground

TarponMonoxide

Have you seen a sex therapist?

Perhaps this is also a psychological thing.

I think they can prescribe dilators for your condition. That you can do on your own when you have down time, I think.:)

amberleigh1012

i havent seen a sex therapist, because I cant afford it. My gyn prescribed lidocaine and it doesnt work so she said she can give me pills, to see if theyll help.