In law issues.

amberleigh1012

I don't get along with my soon to be MIL. She refuses to include me in any family events such as thanksgiving dinner, christmas, or even birthdays (including my FI's.) I don't want to spend holidays and his bday without him, but she wants to spend time with him. Not just a few hours, but all day for every holiday. There's no way we can fix our problems. Ive tried my hardest and she's just too stubborn. Any ideas on what I should do?

toothpastechica

You are right there is no way you can fix this problem, your FL should not be going over to spend all day with his mother every holidays if he knows she doesnt like you and hes willing to ditch you for her anyways. As far as I can see its a problem with your FI's priorities, and has nothing to do with your FMIL...frankly your husband is choosing her over you if he thinks its ok to be spending all his holidays with his mother instead of his future wife. It won't change after you get married either so don't complain about it later if, if its happening now, it WILL happen later, marraige isnt a magic pill to make your man make you a priority.

Now if he was telling his mom "yeah I'll come over if my FI can come" thats different, but it sounds like hes going without you KNOWING that you are not welcome. Find a guy who thinks your important enough to spend the important days of his life with and ditch this momma's boy.

 

Disneygeek77

Dude, PP is right.  This isn't an issue with your Fmil, this is an issue with your FI.  I just can't fathom how a grown man would tolerate his mother treating his future wife like this.  Oh and PP is also right in the fact that this will not stop even with a wedding ring on his finger.  Mama will always be the #1 lady in his life. 

foxyroxy

My MIL doesn't like me either (and my FIL practically hates me), but DH would never, ever go somewhere I wasn't welcome. That doesn't mean that I don't suck it up and put on a smile so he can visit with his family; certainly I am not going to be the reason he can't see his mom! So, yes, your FI needs to man up and tell his family that while they don't have to adore you, they do need to respect you. That means not excluding you from family functions.

Of course, if your future MIL craves some quality mother-son time, there is no reason the two of them can't go have brunch/coffee/etc just the two of them. You don't need to go everywhere with him (and I didn't get the impression that is what you were after). She just can't make you the only one not welcome in the family. If your FI won't stand up to her now, things will only get worse. What happens when (if) you have kids? 

cjcouple

Um, why is your FI allowing the behavior to continue? Frankly if I was not welcome on holidays, my husband would not go!  He needs to stand up for you. Also my future children would also not go. If he wanted to go for a couple hours fine but he would never take my kids. 

MsPiggy37

How long has this been going on? How does your husband feel about the situation? If he has been allowing this for a long time I do agree that it's time he prioritized your relationship with him and came up with a compromise. Maybe he can spend half the day with his family and the rest of the day with you. But this is only if you really are never to coexist with his family, which is a bit ridiculous to me. When you marry someone, you marry their family too, and I think everyone involved should keep that in mind. Good luck and don't give up trying to make it right!