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Really frustrated with DH
So as you all heard, NYC is a mess because of Hurricane Sandy.
Yesterday DH and I had an adventure driving to work together, and coming home took over 3 hours.
Today some subway lines started working, and DH left before I was ready to meet a coworker (male, lol) at the subway. I texted him saying I was kind of upset that he'd leave me to deal with the mobs of people alone because he was more concerned about meeting his coworker on time. So he and the coworker came back to our apartment because the trains were so crazy anyway. We decided to drive to a whole other neighborhood to catch a slightly less crazy train.
Now it's after 4, our agreed upon time we would leave work. And he hasn't called all day. And when I call he doesn't answer. I called the store and got voicemail. I'm ready to just leave him and go home, but then he will have to take the crazy crowded train back to get to our neighborhood. Is that wrong to do? Or does he deserve me to leave without him after his non-consideration? I'm really fed up and don't want to spend hours getting home again...hence the reason I was supposed to leave early. Grrrrr.
Re: Really frustrated with DH
I'm so sorry to hear about all the mess the hurricane is putting everyone through, including you. This is one of those situations that tests your patience in a relationship. I don't think it's right to just leave him there. I don't really believe in "getting back" at people, especially your SO. Do you have his coworkers or works number where you can call? It may be that in all the chaos, caused by the hurricane, he has gotten stuck in traffic or maybe the power went out again and the phones aren't working, etc. I know it's frustrating, but try not to assume anything or get too frustrated just yet.
When you are both safely home, sit him down and talk about improvements you both could make in case something like this were to happen again. You need to have some sort of plan of action.
Sorry your frustrated, but hang in there.
Thanks, s. ( my iPad won't let me spell out your username hahaha).
Youre right, it was a misunderstanding. His phone died, and so I only got through to him with email.... Luckily I waited another 40 minutes for him and we went home together. I did speak up though and told him in situations like this, we have to be in touch one way or another. And keeping each other safe has to be a priority. I am typically a pretty gutsy, independent girl, but the status of this city is really volatile especially on public transportation. I didn't want to deal with that alone. And wouldn't you know, a fight actually broke out on the train home right next to where we were sitting!! So thank God DH was next to me.
I will try to keep my own temper cool next time.
Glad you finally got in touch with him and are safe. I can't imagine the chaos over there right now. Thats insane that people are fighting. are you still without power?
And good for you for speaking up. Its important to get issues resolved as soon as you can and you did that, so props for you.
Also, the fact that you are getting though this as a couple with only minor misunderstandings just shows how great you are together.
DH and I live in NY also so I feel your pain. This is probably late notice but everyone is dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy and everyone needs to work together. If you let yourself get angry and inpatient you are just going to make it more difficult for your DH and everyone around you. Just relax and know that this will all be over soon. NYC should be back to normal by next week and you won't need to worry about these messes.
TTC 19 months ~Started RE in March 2014~
DH was not ready for IUI so we waited
~Started acupuncture in May 2014~
~~BFP 7/6/14~~~EDD 3/14/15~~It's a girl!!~~
You're right, getting angry doesn't solve anything. I guess my anger came from a place of worry though. I was really concerned because I didn't hear from DH and that's not really like him. Plus, in the morning when he was more worried about meeting his coworker at the train than making sure I could also get to work safely, well, it started the day off on a bad note. I guess it was just a bad day. I hope you guys are safe and doing well. We fared better than most, but a lot of our friends and some family have suffered very bad losses. Again, more reason why I'm a bit on edge.
Your frustration and reaction is completely understood. Don't be too hard on yourself. I likely would have reacted the same way. Like I said, a situation like this will give you a whole new perspective on your relationship, and the fact that you are staying strong together only emphasizes the fact that you and your DH are a very good match and can get through anything together.
Earlier this year, a few months before DH and I got married, we started house hunting. We were a week from closing, which was perfect timing since our lease was ending at the same time, and then *BAM* the seller decided to screw us over and try to get out of the sale. Long story short, she was approached by a cash seller that offered to give her more than we offered, and her husband was his broker (allowing them a bigger cut of closing costs). COMPLETELY illegal, but it would have taken us 4-6 months in court and it wasn't worth it. Anyways, we ended up having to move 45 miles in the opposite direction of work to his parents house. We stayed in a 10x10 room for two months until we found our home we live in now, which we moved into after the honeymoon. It was a VERY stressful situation, but we didn't fight at all. We were actually stronger as a couple, and it just made me even more sure that I was marrying the right man.
So in a way I'm thankful for the stress, it reassured me that I was with the right person, even though I already knew I was.
I would not just up and leave your husband because he didn't call or answer the phone. If anything I'd be worried, not mad. He doesn't *deserve* you to punish him, which this is sort of doing, when you don't even know the whole story. Maybe something came up, his phone is dead, etc you never know. I'd just stay there until he comes unless it's been something crazy like over an hour then I'd go home but not because he deserves it, but because maybe he found some other way there and I'm standing here like an idiot. (That often happens when we both go to the bathroom after the movies and I come out waiting for him thinking he's still in there when he's already in the car lol. So I wait a bit and then try the car.)
The point is, try not to be mad when you don't know the full situation.
Ordinarily I would say that the cell phone system may be to blame -- it's still prettyspotty and undependable after the storm -- but he's got to get it and get it now that he can't go popping off and not getting a phone. You need him and you need to reach him.a
Have another talk with him. what he is doing is just plain inconsideate.
Thank you again, sgautschi
Yes, in the end I think it sort of did make us stronger, because we now have a better plan if there's another situation like this! And I know to try and chill before thinking the worst. lol
Wow that does sound really stressful, what you and your husband went through with the house! But I'm glad you guys were able to get through it together without fighting! That definitely shows you guys are strong together, and respect one another.