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He has been unfaithful
ok... gonna try to make a lonnnng story short. I really am in need of some serious advice. I have been married for 1 year. In my mind every thing was fine but apparently its not. I am a RN and my husband is a trucker driver.He usually doesnt come home until the weekend. Saturday and Sunday mostly. One night I decided to look through his text messages while he was cutting my sons hair in the guest house and to my SURPRISE I found messages to and from him to differant numbers that turned out to be women. They mostly referred to them meeting up and the messages would end with the woman sayin she made it home, thanks, and she cant wait to do it again when he is in town. I also saw text from a girl that he had claimed to be his best friend and in his text to her he told her that he LOVED her; then she proceeded to ask for a Christmas gift... NOW this really fired me up... I also read 1 from him to his ex offering her sex.....
After reading I was able to hold my composure and not say anything due to the fact that my 6 year son was home and I didnt wanna cause a scene. My heart was beating so fast and hard I thought that I was gonna die!!!! I decided not to say anything until I could investigate more. So the next day once he had gone back on the road I called a couple of the #'s and gathered as much info as possible. I even found out that he had visited one of the women in my truck!!!... The women knew about me, our children, and his job.
I decided to write him a letter telling him about my findings and reminding him of those things that i had advised him before marriage would be unacceptable. I wrote the letter because I was really unsure of what I would say or do if I were to see him. So I left the letter on the counter and when he returned home Friday afternoon he read it and began to text asking was I gonna divorce him and if I wanted him to leave; which i didnt bother to answer.
Once I got home he was gone and sometime during the night he returned back and I found him sleeping on the couch in the den Saturday morning. We didnt say anything at all that day besides small talk. (nothing about the situation.) That night he slept in our bed and I placed a huge pillow between the two of us. On Sunday he did some small talk (nothing about the situation.) So as he hopped into the truck to leave to go on the road I walked out and in tears demanded answers!!! He had no explanation for why he brought his so called friend to our home that he has now professed to love via text to her. He then claims that he has been stressed and that I am always busy and never have time to talk to him while he is driving throught the day. And that on the weekends I go here and there(which isnt at all true) Then he said something about the devil and the internet and how he allowed it to cause him to search for woman to have sex with. Mostly I talked about his son and my son and how he has hurt me and ect.
I am soooooo confused. I have NO one to talk to or ask advice from. I do love him and I love the life we have built BUT i dont wanna be with someone who is unfaithful and willing to put me at risk for thier personal enjoyment.
A couple months after we got married I delivered a stillborn baby and to be honest I felt he may have gotten married to me just because I was prego. We dated off and on for about 3-4 years before we got married. We both are 30 years old
He did say that he loves me and loves to come home to me and my son and even says he loves the life we have built together. I am sooooo LOST!!!
sorry this is soooooo long
HELP!!!!
Re: He has been unfaithful
I'm really sorry that you are in this position. My advise is kick him out. He has not just made 1 mistake 1 time he has done this REPEATEDLY and will continue to do it. This is not the life I would stand for. You deserve much better and do not deserve to be used. Also, get tested! He has slept with numerous women all around the country and who knows where he found them and how clean they are.
Please do not do this to yourself.
TTC 19 months ~Started RE in March 2014~
DH was not ready for IUI so we waited
~Started acupuncture in May 2014~
~~BFP 7/6/14~~~EDD 3/14/15~~It's a girl!!~~
I have very little compassion for people who cheat. It's totally unacceptable to check out of your marriage mentally and not do it physically. I'm sure there are many couple who can work together and get past cheating but I'm sure it takes a lot of hard work. If you really love him and want some help then you two should seek counseling. Even if you don't want to remain married a little counseling might still help.
Sorry you are going through all this and I hope things get better.
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I agree with PP - get yourself tested. If he met women on the internet to have sex with, your body could be in danger of disease. Also, seek counseling. Do not be embarrassed or ashamed. Talking it out with someone in person is much better than just typing your feelings out online.
Best of luck! We're here for you! *hugs*
I won't cut and paste the same reply I left you on the other 3 boards.
I am sure you saw my advice.
Fact of the matter: this guy's got a problem. he's living the single man's life while he is married to you and he has no intention of giving up his harem of women.
I will bet that this nonsense was going on long before you began dating him: this is not new behavior; he didn't round up these women after you and he were married. He's always had many women in the picture.
You have the evidence. We think you know what to do. And act now --- I wouldn't let this scum stay in my life for one second longer.
he's not the father of your child? Then it's academic: all the more reason for you to file for an annulment and have no further contact with him.
As I said, run a credit check on yourself and on him and above all protect your assets. Make sure he cannot acces them. Set up new bank accounts if you have to and change the PIN numbers on any cards he may have access to.
See an attorney and file. This "relationship" was over a long time ago and it was over once he started sampling the goods when he was in an exclusive relationship with you.
This. AND possibly spending some time apart to clear your head. You will end up making the best decision for you when you can escape the fog he has created.
I am not sure if you can; I said "might" --- you'll have to contact an attorney anyway to fully explain what's going on to see if an attorney can say whether or not an annullment is what you qualify for.
Considering this is fraud and this is adultery and you have not been married all that long -- it's a year and a piece of change thrown in -- I say you might qualify for an annullment.
I don't see what's to decide here: he is showing you that he does NOT want to be married to you. Likely as not he will never be ready to be married to anybody.
And I still think all of this was going on long before you were married. He can tell you from here until doom that he will never do it again but you have no reassurance that he won't --- for all you know, he could obtain another cell phone just to call the doxies in his stable. And on his "regular" phone, it'll be clean and green.
There's really no 2 ways around this: he needs to go.
No begging on his half, no plea bargaining on his part, no promises no ifs ands or buts -- SURE he's going to be po'd --- you are the chief cook and bottle washer for him and his kiddo.
The sooner he is history the better off you will be.
Again, sorry for your troubles. Do the right thing for you and your child. GL.
Whether this marriage is legally dissolved via divorce or annullment, what you need to do: have HIM pick up the tab for your retainer and all other legal expenses, as part of the divorce agreement. This is purely his fault: he's out doing up the town(s) with other women. Why the heck should you pay for something that isn't your fault???
Permitted him to partake in her bed, after he's plowed every woman from there to the next continent? Really??? please.