He is Cheating!!!!

soulsista69

ok... gonna try to make a lonnnng story short. I really am in need of some serious advice. I have been married for 1 year. In my mind every thing was fine but apparently its not. I am a RN and my husband is a trucker driver.He usually doesnt come home until the weekend. Saturday and Sunday mostly. One night I decided to look through his text messages while he was cutting my sons hair in the guest house and to my SURPRISE I found messages to and from him to differant numbers that turned out to be women. They mostly referred to them meeting up and the messages would end with the woman sayin she made it home, thanks, and she cant wait to do it again when he is in town. I also saw text from a girl that he had claimed to be his best friend and in his text to her he told her that he LOVED  her; then she proceeded to ask for a Christmas gift... NOW this really fired me up... I also read 1 from him to his ex offering her sex.....

After reading I was able to hold my composure and not say anything due to the fact that my 6 year son was home and I didnt wanna cause a scene. My heart was beating so fast and hard I thought that I was gonna die!!!! I decided not to say anything until I could investigate more. So the next day once he had gone back on the road I called a couple of the #'s and gathered as much info as possible. I even found out that he had visited one of the women in my truck!!!... The women knew about me, our children, and his job. 

I decided to write him a letter telling him about my findings and reminding him of those things that i had advised him before marriage would be unacceptable. I wrote the letter because I was really unsure of what I would say or do if I were to see him. So I left the letter on the counter and when he returned home Friday afternoon he read it and began to text asking was I gonna divorce him and if I wanted him to leave; which i didnt bother to answer.

 Once I got home he was gone and sometime during the night he returned back and I found him sleeping on the couch in the den Saturday morning.  We didnt say anything at all that day besides small talk. (nothing about the situation.)  That night he slept in our bed and I placed a huge pillow  between the two of us. On Sunday he did some small talk (nothing about the situation.) So as he hopped into the truck to leave to go on the road I walked out and in tears demanded answers!!! He had no explanation for why he brought his so called friend to our home that he has now professed to love via text to her. He then claims that he has been stressed and that I am always busy and never have time to talk to him while he is driving throught the day. And that on the weekends I go here and there(which isnt at all true) Then he said something about the devil and the internet and how he allowed it to cause him to search for woman to have sex with. Mostly I talked about his son and my son and how he has hurt me and ect.

 I am soooooo confused. I have NO one to talk to or ask advice from. I do love him and I love the life we have built BUT i dont wanna be with someone who is unfaithful and willing to put me at risk for thier personal enjoyment. 

A couple months after we got married I delivered a stillborn baby and to be honest I felt he may have gotten married to me just because I was prego. We dated off and on for about 3-4 years before we got married. We both are 30 years old

He did say that he loves me and loves to come home to me and my son and even says he loves the life we have built together. I am sooooo LOST!!!

sorry this is soooooo long 

HELP!!!! 

TarponMonoxide

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This is a cross post from the other board......same advice, same post, on all the other boards is here...

This is a big big shame. I am sorry for your troubles.

I'll be honest:

No happily married decent man has any business with women other than his wife.  He's got no business chatting up other women with the intention of committing adultery.

And a NEWLYWED man has even LESS business than that with other women, period. He should be "into you" and not into whoever else he can find to have sex with!

And apparently he either never ended the relationship with his ex or he has resumed it or he's never gotten over her, even if they have officially broken up or divorced (whichever applies).

Do yourself a gigantic favor:

Show this guy the door and please see an attorney about getting this marriage annulled.

What he is doing constitutes fraud:  he does not wish to be in a committed relationship for life.

If you are having money problems, try legal aid. Or call a women's shelter and tell them you need an inexpensive attorney for an annullment.

And perhaps you can DIY if you and he have no jointly held property, no kids, no assets that belong to you both.

You can make a clean break of it, get this sham of a marriage annulled and then chalk this up to experience. What has happened here is NOT your fault: it is his. What a rotten thing to do to somebody who he is married to.

He's balmy and whacky and what kind of bullshit is this:

Then he said something about the devil and the internet and how he allowed it to cause him to search for woman to have sex with. Mostly I talked about his son and my son and how he has hurt me and ect

This also reminds me of that ole Flip Wilson routine where he used to go 'the DEVIL made me do it, HONEY" as Geraldine Jones.  Srsly, does he think you are going to buy this "explanation" hook line and sinker???? I think NOT. 

Don't listen to him when he lords the blame over on you! This is HIS fault and his mess that he created. He's bullshitting you about "Why" he's with these other chicks.

There is nothing more for you to do: file for an annullment, change the locks and leave his stuff outside. And cease all contact with him, if he is not the biological father of your son. There's nothing more to say and you do not have anything more to do with him.

One more word of advice:

Get tested for every STD that there is. God only knows who he was with and if this sex was even protected with a condom. UGH.

Did you get yourself bereavement counseling for your loss? It might be a good idea if you do -- see a counselor because all of this is going to hit you like a ton of bricks: first the loss of a child and then this mess with the harem that he's got lined up???

Another thing you should do:

Do you know for certain -- and that is if his status is allegedly divorced -- that he is indeed LEGALLY divorced??? Did he show you the actual divorce decree that was signed by the judge and the attorneys for both him and his former spouse?

For all you know, he may be legally married to her still.

i know this sounds crazy -- but it happens.  I myself know of a case where that's precisely what happened to a woman who thought she was marrying a guy who was single and legally unwed.:( Turns out his divorce was never final and he was still legally married to the spouse.

Demand the divorce papers and you check on this yourself: call the attorneys for both parties and see the judge that's allegedly listed on the divorce papers.

This is quite the mess. The sooner you are free of this rat, the better off you will be.

And if you get divorced or annulled, you don't have to explain jack squat to anybody. None of their business what happened.

ETA: This is why having kids w/o the benefit of marriage is not such a good idea.  You need legs in a marriage to more or less "support" a child --- and a kid that enters the picture before a marriage happens adds all the more stress to a relationship.

It is essential that you document everything -- and if I were you, I'd run a credit check on you and on him. One never knows.

Safeguard your assets in the meanwhile. Do not keep your money/assets in a place/situation where he can access them --- protect yourself (and your kiddo) in a case like this. You cannot trust him and heck knows that supporting a harem of women takes money.:(
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