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Just Venting...
My DH and I have been married a little over two months. And, I'm still getting used to the role of being a Daughter in Law. His mother moved out of state about a year a go. He is not a big phone person so he calls her maybe once a week or every other week. I call her every now and then, maybe once a month? Just to chat and a catch up.
The problem is she thinks we don't call her enough, or that we are trying to avoid her... or worse that we just don't want to talk to her. Not true! His brother calls her everyday, so I think she expects DH and I to do the same. And, thats just not us. But, one thing that really irritates me is if we go a period of time without calling her, or if we forget to call on a particular day... she will not answer our next few phone calls, as if to "teach us a lesson". Also, she never calls me! She will call DH, but when it comes to calling me she says "i'm always busy, and she doesn't want to bother me". So I feel like it is my responsibility to keep the line of communication open with her.
I do understand that she is lonely. She has been widowed for three years, and moved to a new state. And, her two boys live very far away. So, I am trying. Maybe I just need to try harder?
Re: Just Venting...
First off, I almost never call my MIL/FIL. In the three years I've been married to their son I've maybe called them once. H calls his parents. I call mine. Sometimes we put our parents on speakerphone and talk to them together, but even that's rare.
Do what you/your H are comfortable with and let your MIL be upset. The world will not fall off its axis if she is.
This.
TTC since September 2012
So I feel like it is my responsibility to keep the line of communication open with her.
Do NOT take on that role. In all honesty, that's pressure you're putting on yourself. Sure she makes snide comments that makes you feel that way, but ultimately, whether or not you take it to heart is on you. I've done this for YEARS with my ILs. They would say one of the following - "I would call you but I know you're so busy, I don't want to bother you." Or "I wish husband would call us more...." So I began to play phone referee between all of us. "Husband - make sure you call your parents! Don't forget your Dad called! Your Mom REALLY needs to speak with you!" I wound up driving myself nuts. Plus, their habits never changed.
It's your husband's responsibility to maintain open lines of communication with his Mom, not you. And you call when you're able/when you want. If she ignores you to "teach you a lesson" so be it. If you respond to a tactic like that with feeling guilty, or trying harder, all you're doing is giving her more power. If need be, your husband can have a conversation with her about this to set some ground rules, expectations on when/how long he can talk.
In the meantime, chill out! This isn't on you. He's a big boy, he can handle this.
*TTC since 10/11*
BFP: 9/30/12, EDD: 6/15/13
*~*Our miracle arrived on 6/13/13*~*
Don't fall for this. My cousin's mother moved away
and has always tried to guilt my cousin in the same manner.
Your MIL chose to move away, nip your guilt in the
bud now. It will only get worse. Let your husband worry about
his mom.
This all seems odd. I've been with my husband for more than a decade. I have called his mother exactly once, in the middle of a crisis I was trying to help her with. She has just in the past year, since we had a child, started calling to speak to me directly because DH is at work when she has time to spend with DS and wants to set up a time. And she and I are actually pretty close as far as MIL/DIL relationships go.
Don't play into the game. Call her when you want to call her. If she ignores your calls, oh well. Smile and be polite and act oblivious. Once she realizes she's not getting anywhere acting like a child, maybe she'll act like an adult.