Holidays
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Holiday Family Time
This holiday season will be our first time as a married couple and I don't know what to do about spending time with family. In the past we would split the day and spend time with both families but it is always hard bc as soon as you get settled in it was time to leave aNd you can never enjoy a meal at the first stop knowing you had to save room for the next house. My husband suggested we trade off holidays (so if we spend thanksgiving at his parents all day then we spend Xmas at my parents all day and vice versa for next year) but I'm not sure I want to do that either. What are you doing this year for the holidays or what have you done in the past that has worked?
Re: Holiday Family Time
My family and H's family get together for thanksgiving at one house. We started doing the entire family two years ago. Before then, when H was just a boyfriend, we only spent it with my family.
Christmas eve is spent with my Aunt n Uncle and Christmas Day with his Aunt and Uncle. Before getting married and moving away from our parents we spent Christmas Eve with his family and Christmas Day with mine.
Do what works best for the two of you. You can try alternating the holidays, like you mentioned in your post, for a couple of years and see how you like it. Don't like it you can try something else.
It really has to come down to what works best for you. For us, Christmas is a HUGE deal at my family's, so that's where we spend it every year. Thanksgiving is with his family. This year, we are mixing it up slightly by spending Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with my family, then spending Christmas day with his.
DH isn't very close to his family, so he MIGHT go visit around the holidays, but I don't think in 6 years has ever visited them ON the holiday.
We live much closer to my family and here's where it gets a little weird but it works for us. Thanksgiving is on a weird rotating schedule. Every other Thanksgiving my brother and his family have dinner with my family. On the years that they are with my SIL's family my mom and I alternate dinner between my house and my parents. (5 people total.) On the years that brother's family is with us, dinner alternates between my SIL and my mom. (7+ people depending on who's hosting.) So I think I host every 4ish years or so? (I'm good with that since we live in the tiniest home.)
Christmas is also alternated. This year my entire family gathers on Christmas Eve because this year with be Christmas Day with the brother's ILs. For me, depending on my schedule (I work nights.) I usually try to see my parents on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I enjoy our Christmas Eve traditions more than Christmas Day and I'm trying to get my mom to relax a bit more on the Day of. On a year like this my parents will have what I call "open door". Notice goes out to family and friends that we'll be home that day and they are to free to stop by if they choose. "Open door" was established when my brother and I were older and wanted to see our friends too on the holidays.
Also to make it easier we basically deal with 3 units: my parents; my husband and I; my brother, his wife and their son. Then if my parents or I are hosting whatever it is I have two friends that are included due to them being known by my entire family and their families being far away.
Easter, we are left to our own devices. Some years we all get together and some years we skip it and observe it in our own way.
Every other holiday between Easter and Thanksgiving we will do a huge mash up of my family and my brother's ILs, or not. It varies by year and mood.
Sorry so long, but that's what works for us. My mom was very pro-active about being open-minded about sharing the holidays with SIL's family. This is what it's evolved into over the years. I'm sure Christmas will change a bit as my nephew gets older (he's 5) so that my brother's family will get to have Christmas family home time as well.
Add into the mix that this year my husband started a new job as an over the road truck driver, so we'll have to experiment for a few years to see if we have to be more relaxed with when we actually celebrate things.
Sorry so long, but I hope some of this helps!
Well you have to think of it as splitting time between three families, not two. You and your husband also a family and those most important one in this situation. What do you both want to do. Remember, this is your holiday too and if you both don't want to spend it going back and forth between homes, you don't have to. You stay in and eat chinese food and watch old kung fu movies, you can spend the day with friends, you can go to the Bahamas or Disneyworld. You really can do whatever the both of you want. So that being said, try to prioritize what you and your husband want to do this holiday first, and then fit other family obligations around your plans.
However, I do think your husband is on to something. As you have mentioned, splitting hte day amongst two families isn't working. What my friends do is they spend Thanksgiving with one family, Christmas EVE with another and then they spend Christmas day together and get a chance to start their own family traditions. Then the next year, they swtich Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve.
We switch off...My in-laws are away for thanksgving every year and my parents are often away for thanksgiving we so we usually spend that one just us or with whatever friends and family are around. Christmas and the august long weeend are the weekends we switch off. When we have kids we will probably rotate christmas 3 ways so that we have every 3rd year at home.
We usually try and see the other side (whose year it isn't) sometime around the holidays but not the 'day of'.
My Blog:Through My Eyes
This is our first year of holidays being married also. Our first Thanksgiving we were together we spent it apart. Me with my family and H with his, and the same with Christmas.
This year we are having Thanksgiving at our house with both Families. My mom lives with us and I have grown adult children with kids of their own. My MIL and SFIL are coming to stay with us for a few days. And BIL and FIL will also be there, (just glad everyone gets along).
We are still working on how we are going to do Christmas. Got to split it with both families so we can spend time with his son and our grandson. But I am sure we will figure it out.
GL and no matter what you do, remember its all about spending time with family.