Mini Agruement with DH

Sewilson33

So yesterday I took the bull by the horns and brought up TTC with DH. We have discussed this in the past MINIMALLY! When we first got married we thought we wanted kids right away but we both changed out minds and wanted to wait a year. I was ready after a year DH was not. We then postponed to Sept, DH changed his mind and was not ready. We then postponed to December this year and DH decided he wanted to wait until 2013. Okay! SO I brought it up yesterday bc we have A LOT that we want to do to our home and I figured it's November we need to get the ball rolling here.

Well, DH decided that he would rather finish our basement and build a garage instead of going on a pre-babymooon. So, I agreed. We have to go to Florida for 4 days in March anyway to see our grandparents so I considered that to be a mini vacation and I am 100% fine with it. Now we discussed me going off BCP in January last month and waiting a month to get it out of my system before we started actively TTC. I guess he felt the pressure yesterday bc he got so tense with me and it really pissed me off so I got quiet and tense too. 

I guess I'm just venting here bc I KNOW he wants kids and I know he wants one before he is 30. I also know he feels pressure about raising a baby and finances. The thing is, we both make great money, we own a home, own a car, and have in laws who offered to baby sit our children for free once I am back at work.

I'm just not understanding where the tension is coming from or how to discuss it any further. Any ideas? Am I doing something wrong?

Side note: I have put off applying for teaching jobs until we have our 1st so that I don't get a job have a baby and screw the school that hired me. I have a great job in accounting but I'm postponing my dream job bc it's what he suggested.

DaringMiss

How do you KNOW he wants kids?  His actions don't seem to be bearing this out.

 

IF he does want kids, first sympathize about how stressful the thought of being responsible for children must be for him.  This is a HUGE thing for a breadwinner and he may be feeling nervous about providing for a family in this economy.  Ask him what his three biggest worries (with regards to children) are.  Is it all money?  Is it fear about not having done enough living/traveling before having kids?  Listen to him - not from a "he is reneging on his promises" position but from a "my partner has legitimate fears about a large commitment we are thinking of making" place.

If it is really money, sit down and run the numbers.  How much does he want to have in the bank before you have a baby?  What debts does he want to eliminate?  Then create a spreadsheet to figure out how to make these goals a reality.  Then you will feel that clear progress is being made toward making a family and his fears will be concretely assuaged. 

Sewilson33

Thank you! I know he wants to have kids bc he is always talking about our children and doing things with our kids. We have discussed that we want 2 and he wants 1 before he is 30.

I try to sit him down to discuss his worries or his thoughts and he always gets distant and doesn't want to discuss it.

At first he said he wanted a vacation and this Sunday he decided he would rather have a garage and basement then spend $5000 on vacation. He also wants me to stay at my job so I get the maternity leave. Other than the above, he has never given me any other reasons for postponing. I obviously would never force him into being a parent if he isn't ready yet. I just wish he would be more open...