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Am I the only procrastinator?
It really ticks me off that my in-laws need to plan special events like holidays at a minimum 2 months in advance. It wasn't even September this year and my MIL decided that she was doing Xmas Eve at her house and she needed to let us know and call my mother as well to invite my side of the family. I get that it's a smart idea to plan ahead, especially with both her kids married and the headache that is taking turns with holidays every year, but does anyone else think this is a bit much? My parents still haven't given them an answer because it depends on what my sister who lives out of town will be doing. They come down very few times in the year and her husbands family always does Xmas eve. My MIL and SIL have already asked me multiple times what my family has decided to do. I have explained to them the situation and they keep asking. Anyone else have a similar problem or advice on how to deal? Her excuse is that she needs to plan for the food, and I get it, but are you really going to order or cook 3 months in advance??
Oh and to allude to my post title, I procrastinated on giving her an answer for thanksgiving as well but because of my own issues. My SIL will be going to her husbands family's house this year and since my MIL was already planning on doing Xmas eve she was not pushing to do thanksgiving as well. Anyway I had been toying with the idea of doing it for the first time at my house but I wasn't sure if I was up for the stress since I am studying for an important exam. The topic was brought up more than a month ago and - couple more times since then and I simply explained I was undecided that I would let them know but that if I did it at my house they would obviously be invited. Well about 2 weeks ago my MIL tells me that if me and H go to my parents this year that she and my FIL would go eat out at their favorite restaurant since my FIL doesn't even like turkey and would be ecstatic. My parents have invited them over on previous years so I am not sure why they assumed they would not be invited if I didn't do it at my house. I have no problem with them not wanting to go to my parents since they don't have much in common and really don't hang out together, but what bothers me is them telling me this a month in advance, which makes me believe its what they really want to do. Not only that, but I found out today that they had made reservations more than a month ago! This is no surprise since they are the planners I have described but it proves my hypothesis.
I decided this morning (yes, 10 days before the big day) that I was going to host this year and told my MIL right away, reminding her that they are more than welcome to come but no pressure since I know they had planned for the restaurant and we would all be together on Xmas eve anyway. She said she would talk to my FIL and let me know. But my H tells me he talked to his dad this morning too and he said if I was doing something that they would come. I am just so confused about the whole thing and it gets me a little upset to think my MIL thinks that 1) I am such a procrastinator they can't afford to wait for me to decide what I am doing until a week before or that 2) she really does prefer doing her own thing since my SIL is already not coming and she already had Xmas eve under her belt. Maybe I am reading too much into it?
Re: Am I the only procrastinator?
From my experiance with Holidays (including what friends do):
1) Most people plan for the Holidays a couple of weeks in advance
2) If going out of town they plan around 2 months out
3) The holidays are always at the same place/ time every year. No planing/ deciding needed.
My family, DH & I are #3. His Family is #1.
I hope your MIL learns to cut you some slack on "procrastinating".
Because of work schedules...I have to plan christmas by september if we want to know what we are doing...my family goes out of town to my grandparents town (even though grandparents are no longer there) for christmas most years so I need to decide if I am going with them or not early enough to take time off before holiday blackout gets put in place, and my family needs to know if they need space for us to sleep or not way in advance. My inlaws are more relaxed since they have christmas at home every year (and only have one kid), but they still like to know whats going on beforehand and want to make sure we have time for them to do christmas at some point. Thanksgiving we don't plan as far in advance, but most of the time we host or have friends over since both our families are usually out of town and I usually can't get the whole weekend off.
I think if you want to make sure you have people there, then its your issue, you need to stop procrastinating and give people answers. If you don't really care if people can make it or not, then by all means take your time to make decisions. If its out of your control (you are waiting on someone else to tell you what they are doing) then its not procrastinating...its waiting and its up to you to decide how long you want to wait knowing that you may have to alter your plans if they decide to do something else or you havnt given them details.
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Maybe it's a bit much from what you're used to, but it's obviously not too much for them. Now that you know how they operate for their holidays, you can decide what to do with this information.
If it's important for you and your H to have a holiday at your house that includes your ILs, you're going to have to play their game and get in on the holiday discussions in September. Doesn't mean you have to start planning or prepping in September, but you have to let them know that you are going to be hosting.
If it's NOT important to you or your H for the ILs to be at your house for your holiday events, then continue on however you want.
Meh. It's a major holiday to the ILs, but not to her. That's the problem. For my family, it pretty much is just another Thursday dinner. My mom actually called me the other day to say, "Don't buy a turkey 'cus I have one for whoever is having Thanksgiving." We still don't know what's going on.
It may not be a big holiday for her, which is fine, but common sense would tell you that it is for a lot of other people and you need to take that into account. I don't give two figs about Easter or New Year's, but I do know that if I want to make plans on either of those days, it makes sense to give people plenty of notice. Even for a normal dinner party, I wouldn't keep people hanging while I made up my mind.
If you are a procrastinator then you should also be willing to roll with the punches. DH is the worst procrastinator ever, but he knows that other people won't wait for him to make decisions and he doesn't get upset about it.
Aww, I wouldn't say you are a crybaby. You are just adjusting to the differing priorities of your ILs. Maybe you'll end up injecting some spontaneity into their lives, too.