Married Life
MsPiggy37
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Jealousy justified?
in Married Life
I think I have gotten over it for the most part but was wondering if anyone has ever felt a little jealous about the time that H will spend playin video games? Our deal is that as long as it doesn't cut into our time together it's ok, but he plays these games where he talks to other people and sometimes I hear him having a good time while I'm watching my shows or something and I can't help but get a little jealous.
Re: Jealousy justified?
My H doesn't play video games very often, so I don't have personal experience, but IMO if you are feeling jealous, it's probably something you need to talk to your H about. I'm guessing that the video Ames aren't really the problem, but maybe it's about the conversations he's having with other people rather than you.
I think it's important that each person in a relationship has their own outlets, but if this starts cutting into "together time" then maybe you should set aside time for just you two.
Just before we got married, H was really busy with work and would come home and unwind, zoning out in front of the tv or he would go with his coworkers fishing or hunting. I started feeling jealous of the time he was spending with everyone else, I felt like the only time I got to see him was when we were both watching tv. I talked to him about having "quality" time together where we sit face to face and talk or go out and do something active. This has worked extremely well for us, and I couldn't be happier.
GL!
Personally, I grew up in a house full of video games, and my parents owned a gaming store, so video games not only don't bother me, I like them myself. However, we don't always play the same kind of games. When borderlands just came out (i'll bet money he's playing that isnt he!), the bf spent an hour or two each night playing it with his friends for about a week or two. And I let him, because thats his time to relax and have fun. Sometimes I want to veg out by playing skyrim on my day off for 3 hours in a row, and I'm allowed to. Or (on a more girly note) sometimes I want to zone out and crochet a bunch of scarves in a row with mindless tv on in the background, and he doesn't bug me about that. And I appreciate that he doesn't.
On the other hand, we are also very aware of making sure we both feel loved and appreciated. If that's lacking in a relationship, I can see how that might make it a resentful activity.
to answer your question though, no. I don't think jealousy is ever "justified" because jealousy is a negative, non-action. What you do in response to jealousy is what matters. If it bothers you, bring it up and be honest. Hell, if it were me, I'd say exactly what you said here. "i'm feeling weirdly jealous and left out of the time you spend having fun with your friends playing games". make it a discussion, not an accusation. look back on the last few weeks and see if you haven't been having as much fun together lately. is it just that you aren't with him, or is it that you feel like you dont havent had a fun outlet lately like he's getting? figure out the why of it. Sitting on it if its truly bothering you will just make you resentful, and then you'll turn into one of those girls who forces their guy to throw away his console, and thats when you cross over into crazy town
Early in our marriage, I gave DH death threats over video games. He'd play 24/7 if it was up to him. We sat down and talked about it and I explained why it bothered me. He agreed that he'd set aside one or two nights a week for it and I wouldn't say a word but aside from that, he'd only play when I was out. It worked for us.
And eventually we were married long enough that I started asking him to go play video games so I could get a motherflucking minute alone
I am not sure what you are actually jealous of... are you jealous of the other gamers who get to share the game with H? DH plays those games and I think, thank god he has other people to do that with because I seriously do not want to play first-person shooting games. And I am sure that DH is thrilled I have people to obsess over sports with, because his eyes glass over when I start talking about my fantasy league. It is one thing if he is obsessed and is spending ALL of his time playing these things, but it sounds like it is just a way he relaxes and has fun (like you do by watching your shows). It is healthy to enjoy separate interests.
When we first got married, all DH would do was play video games. I also got very jealous and felt bored most of the time. Then I thought "Why should he get to have fun while I sit here and do nothing?" So I took up a hobby (sewing). When he's absorbed in his game, I will occupy myself with a project. Sometimes he even comes to me because he wants more attention.
Find something you can enjoy by yourself so you don't get jealous of the time he spends playing. It could be anything, reading, sewing, etc. GL!
I agree with the bolded. Find a game that you guys can play together. What game console does he have? I have loved video games since I was little (space invaders yeah! lol) I've always enjoyed playing something with a story. Even if we had to take turns playing because it wasn't a multi-player. We can get wrapped up in the story and it becomes something to look forward to. Like, there would be my games and his games, and then the one game that we HAD to play together.
I mean I play games, but I can't STAND fps games. I can whip his ass in fighting games, racing games etc, but i'm a stereotypical sissy girl when it comes to first person shooter. I just end up getting irritated because I want to win. So i'm very glad his friends play that with him and I dont have to!
My husband is a PC gamer. He's been playing Diablo 2 for as long as we've been together. I look at his computer time as his down time now. (He's a truck driver for a living.) The compromise that we came up with is he'll tell me when he's going to going to play and that give me time to read, crochet, be online myself or what ever. When I get bored I'll peak into the room and wave at him to let him know I was thinking of him or come over and have him tell me what he's up to in the game. We have a few shows that we like to watch together when he's home, so if it's later in the evening I'll tell him to go play because the show we want to watch isn't on for X minutes. That way he gets his gaming time and I know in a certain period of time he'll be with me.
Upside to him being a PC gamer? He's easier to vacuum around! No getting between him and the screen!
I also once dated a guy that was a minor gamer. We saw each other on the weekends. Our compromise was to get a game or two that we could play together. He was a good egg about me and racing games.
Yeah, realistic, bloody violence is not my idea of a relaxing good time. What's funny is that I have an an old 1980s Nintendo with Super Mario Bros 3 and he can't play that at all; he just runs into things and falls off cliffs. It is so much simpler than his XBOX, but it might as well be rocket science. Weird.