Is it normal to not want children?

maribeth721

I'm 26 and my H is 33. Neither H or I really want kids. We do talk about it, what if we did, how would our lives be and it doesn't really appeal to us. We haven't totally ruled it out (I mean you never know) but we aren't planning for it. Since we just got married everyone in the free world feels the need to ask me/us, "so when are you guys going to have a baby?" My answer is always something along the lines of, "we don't really feel that's for us or we're not really interested in having kids" And the response I always get is basically repulsion. Like how could an able bodied young female NOT want to have kids? I'm starting to feel like I missed out on some mothering gene or something. I am being made to feel (by my family mainly) that this is not normal to feel this way. But kids just really don't interest me or my H. When I picture our future I just don't see children. Is this normal?

monkeygirl18

It's perfectly normal. I've known since I was 17 ( I'll be 37 next month) that I never wanted kids. Dh knew from our first date actually, that I never wanted kids. He's fine with that as he doesn't want them either. Kids just don't fit into our lifestyle.

We rarely get the kid question as we are older (im slmost 37,he's 41). However, when I got married the first time (I was 25 he was 30) we did.  We tried explaining but that never worked. I just started getting rude with people (family mostly) and  telling them that my uterus was/is none of their buisness and/or I'd flip the question to put them on the spot and ask them why they did have kids (or wanted to have kids if they didn't already). That seemed to shut people up quickly. 

Some people just have no manners and will never learn when something is none  of their business so NEVER feel guilty about your decision. 

sessionswedding

monkeygirl18:

It's perfectly normal. I've known since I was 17 ( I'll be 37 next month) that I never wanted kids. Dh knew from our first date actually, that I never wanted kids. He's fine with that as he doesn't want them either. Kids just don't fit into our lifestyle.

We rarely get the kid question as we are older (im slmost 37,he's 41). However, when I got married the first time (I was 25 he was 30) we did.  We tried explaining but that never worked. I just started getting rude with people (family mostly) and  telling them that my uterus was/is none of their buisness and/or I'd flip the question to put them on the spot and ask them why they did have kids (or wanted to have kids if they didn't already). That seemed to shut people up quickly. 

Some people just have no manners and will never learn when something is none  of their business so NEVER feel guilty about your decision. 

All of this.

It is perfectly normal to not want children.  It is perfectly normal to not want children right now.  And it is perfectly normal to want children.  So don't let anyone bring you down no matter which one you decide on.  It's not up to anyone else.

HoneyBee973

Of course it's normal.   Everyone assumes the norm is to get married buy a house and than have a baby.   Not everyone agrees with this "norm". Don't feel guilty, do what you feel is right for you and your husband 

dancingphalanges

It's absolutely normal and there is nothing wrong with you.  People like to impress this idea for some reason that children must come with marriage (and with my family, immediately, so they're already nosing). Do what is best for you and DH.

pammieface

we've been married almost ten years and people still ask.  it's one of the most irritating facets of my life.  if "normal," by definition, is what most people do, then no, it's not normal.  about 96% of women of childbearing age who are able to have children do so.  only about 4% of women CHOOSE not to have children.  but why does "what's normal" matter in a decision like this?  

burmann

Still young.  You have plenty of time to change your mind.  If you don't change your mind its all good.  We all have our own goals and dreams.  Its good that you and your husband are on the same page.

jessica290

Totally normal, my hubby and I have been together for 6 years and married for 7 months...I knew when we started dating that I didn't want any kids at all, so he knew from the begining. I see how other people struggle moneywise with kids and we are just making it with no debt so to add another stressor in our lives is not something we want to do.Plus the added stress of having to raise a civil human being in this world is not something I want to take on...This world is totally scary to me and I would never want to raise a kid in it nowadays....so we are fine just focusing on us and there is nothing wrong with that!

futuregabriel

H and I still haven't decided what we want. We get the same responses about how horrible it is not to want them. My dad also told me that not wanting children was a selfish decision which lead to a huge fight between us about how it's not and why bring a child into the world that you don't even know if you want them. We have plenty of time and though my family would probably be disappointed if we didn't have them, they would never be shocked by that choice.

Ginabean42712

I'm going through the same sh*t right now too.  There are days where I think I'm making the wrong choice because everyone around me is starting to have kids, and they seem so "happy".  I almost feel bad for not wanting them, and often try to picture myself and my life with a child.  I guess I don't really have much advice for you since I'm going through the same thing, but hang in there!  

 

By the way, you are really pretty! 

Erikan73

I think it takes just as much strength to admit you don't want kids as it does to say yes we're having a family. To have a kid because you can is wrong in my opinion. Yes I know there are lots of women who want kids that can't have kids but my theory is it's better to admit you don't want kids then to have kids you don't want around. That doesn't lead to a happy home. With your age you might try saying "right now we're good with how things are and we're enjoying being a couple, we'll see down the road what the future brings." My husband and I aren't going to be having kids for many reasons, financial, our ages (h-44 me-39), and health. We're happy with our puppies. But that doesn't mean that down the road we might not change our mind and maybe adopt. We've only been married a month so we're enjoying life at the moment.

jcg23

me and my fi want kids but i think its good that people that dont want kids know that and dont have kids and then realize its not what they wanted. i never pass any judgement on people who may or may not want kids 1 its isnt any of my business 2 you arent in their shoes so you may not understand the reasons behind it 3 not mine or anyones place to judge. my cousin and her husband just got married in october and are already being asked about it. i think its ridiculous. if they dont want kids right away whats the rush and i wouldnt even ask unless they bring it up. its a private couple matter not a matter to be asked during family xmas. i dont think its selfish to not want kids at all, selfish is expecting everyone to do the same thing and pretty much requesting they do it. there are enough children in the world we need some people to not want kids to keep a balance. the world is already overpopulated. im not saying its bad to want kids i want them just saying we need people to want different things in life to keep a balance. 

Harry87

Totally normal. If it isn't you can stand next to me. I've been with my husband for seven years, married 3 months. I've known since I was 12 that I didn't want kids of my own, and that was the first thing that brought H and I together.

We were always honest about not wanting kids, getting people used to the idea. When H had his vasectomy in the summer, we told our parents and not much anyone else. It wasn't their business. Since then, I tend to just smile and nod when people go on their baby talks. Usually, they're just reminiscing about when they were new parents, it often doesn't have anything to even do with us. But if they get pushy and rude, I bluntly tell them that the decision not to have kids became a permanent one back in July, so they can push all they want but it's a done deal. 

Pushy strangers don't even get that kindness; I simply say "We can't have children". Boy does that shut people right up, and they should think we're infertile; maybe they'll think twice before getting into the face of someone who actually is infertile and sensitive about it. 

ldawngirl

Totally normal! My DH and I always thought we would want to have kids, but now that we're both at that point (I'm 31, he's 33), we've started questioning whether we do want kids or if we've just always assumed we would have them because that's just what you do.

At the same time, a cousin of mine swore she wouldn't have kids, but now she has a baby and she loves being a mother.  

You're allowed to not want kids and you're also allowed to change your mind.  

FaithCaitlin

You are describing what I feel perfectly. We are newlyweds and in our early 20s. I wonder if I just don't have that maternal instinct yet but a part of me feels like I never will. DH and I both have NO interest in kids.

It's okay to feel that way and it's okay to change your mind down the road, if you want! 

alannamackenzie

We are newlyweds as well. I have felt for a long time that I didn't want kids, but I wasn't sure what it would be like to want kids. I asked my mom once how would I know if I wanted and was ready for a child. She said that if you hold someone else's baby in your arms, and you don't want to give it back, then you're ready. I've never had an instance when I didn't want to give the child back.