Husband called me fat

kharley

So I got some new clothes today from Kohls and I was trying them on for my husband and he says to me. "You have to lose weight in your stomach, its getting pretty big." That really hurts me because today I realized the same thing but it was harsh coming from him and I feel like crying.

PixieChinchilla

Well, did you tell him how it made you feel?

bonjour2u2

A lot of questions are coming to mind. Has he said things like this before? Have you talked to him about how he made you feel? How exactly was it said, did he just blurt it out? That is such an insensitive thing to say. I really hope you two get this resolved ASAP, that is no way for a husband to treat his wife.

nurse714

Awh. I'm sorry he did that to you.

Tell your husband how that made you feel. 

kharley

He's never said anything like that to me before that's why I was so shocked and taken aback. I somewhat feel like I'm overreacting because I do need to lose some weight but I didn't want him to tell me.

JSP77

I know it must be so hard to hear, but it's really good that he told you! Sometimes we don't notice ourselves that we've gained a bit and are in some denial. I know because I gained 20 pounds and I really wish someone would have bluntly told me "hey you're getting fat". I'd rather have a husband and best friend who bluntly tell me the truth, instead of just letting me walk around getting fat. But he could have said it in a gentler way, just let him know that it hurt your feeling the way he said it.

PixieChinchilla

kharley:

He's never said anything like that to me before that's why I was so shocked and taken aback. I somewhat feel like I'm overreacting because I do need to lose some weight but I didn't want him to tell me.

I repeat: Did you tell him how it made you feel?

 

I'm not making excuses for him, but men don't tend to think the same way that women do. Sometimes I have to tell my H that things he's said are insensitive and hurt my feelings. He is always extremely apologetic because he hadn't realized how he'd said it.

TarponMonoxide

JSP77:

I know it must be so hard to hear, but it's really good that he told you! Sometimes we don't notice ourselves that we've gained a bit and are in some denial. I know because I gained 20 pounds and I really wish someone would have bluntly told me "hey you're getting fat". I'd rather have a husband and best friend who bluntly tell me the truth, instead of just letting me walk around getting fat. But he could have said it in a gentler way, just let him know that it hurt your feeling the way he said it.

JS has a point --- sometimes we dont' really *get it* when we're getting a bit chunky. We don't see ourselves from that angle.

Your H needs to learn tact.  That's what he needs, and stat.

ShakeNBaked

I understand your feelings were hurt but it's not like you didn't know that your weight was becoming an issue. For a lot of people it's important that their spouse is healthy. Sometimes people really let themselves go after getting married and I'm of the opinion that your husband has a right to tell you the change in your body isn't working for him. If you can't be honest with your spouse then what's the point of getting married?  If you feel his criticisim was coming from a good place, then take it as a reality check that you need to make commitment to leading a healthier lifestyle.

JNL$LSM

TarponMonoxide:

JSP77:

I know it must be so hard to hear, but it's really good that he told you! Sometimes we don't notice ourselves that we've gained a bit and are in some denial. I know because I gained 20 pounds and I really wish someone would have bluntly told me "hey you're getting fat". I'd rather have a husband and best friend who bluntly tell me the truth, instead of just letting me walk around getting fat. But he could have said it in a gentler way, just let him know that it hurt your feeling the way he said it.

JS has a point --- sometimes we dont' really *get it* when we're getting a bit chunky. We don't see ourselves from that angle.

Your H needs to learn tact.  That's what he needs, and stat.

I lost a lot of weight little over a year ago, after my Grandpa passed I started gaining it back. DH told me I was, I really wish I would have not lashed out at him and listen. No I am back to where I was two years ago, I had lost over 60 plus pounds. No I am starting all over. I wish I had listen and I would not be here today.

kharley

Its true, I guess him telling me was good but I'm self conscious about my weight so any reference at all about it would have hurt my feelings. Now its out in the open, we can go ahead and start working out together or something so I can lose this weight.

Kimbus22

I'm really flabbergasted that someone's husband called them fat and people are defending him.  I'd have punched him in the nuts.

OP, I think your husband is being an asshat, whether or not he was trying to be helpful.  There are a million ways to helpfully suggest getting healthier without informing your wife she needs to lose wait because her stomach is big.

EDIT:  Due to the fact that I have since realized the OP has an 8 month old dog and not an 8 month old baby.  My hatred for her DH is slightly abated....

zitiqueen

kharley:

Its true, I guess him telling me was good but I'm self conscious about my weight so any reference at all about it would have hurt my feelings. Now its out in the open, we can go ahead and start working out together or something so I can lose this weight.

So what did he say when you told him how his comment made you feel?

kharley

He said that he was sorry but he just wanted to tell me the truth.

boddahfly

That is still a rude thing of him to say. Your husband should be someone who makes you feel better. My husband tells me I'm beautiful even when I have messed up hair and a baggy t shirt and no make up. I tell him he's handsome even if he is sweaty ( he is quite a sweater haha). You're home is a safe place. He has the right to speak his mind too but not in a way that makes you feel like anything less than the lovely wife you are! 

burmann

He owes you a BIG apology!

nyc artist

All I can say is, I feel for you! I gained like 20lbs since I got married. I don't have a clue why...I guess my metabolism changed. 

My DH doesn't straight up tell me that I am fatter, but if I ask him if I look bigger he does say "maybe a little bit". lol! He tries to be gentle but honest, and it still hurts a lot to hear. But I know it's the truth. Like other people said, I think you need to make it clear that the WAY he said it hurt your feelings, but I do see that he was just trying to be honest. I doubt he meant it to be hurtful. Guys are just less careful with words sometimes, I think.   

ReturnOfKuus

So he never wants to have sex again, is what I'm hearing.

I think both of you need to read The Beauty Myth, and I wouldn't blame you if you traded him in for a guy who looks at you with accepting, loving eyes rather than critical, appraising eyes.

kipnus

Spouses should be cheerleaders, not critics. How often does a woman gain weight and not notice? If I'm feeling fat, the last thing I need is for my husband to point it out. I need his unconditional love and support.

HoneyBee973

Kimbus22:

I'm really flabbergasted that someone's husband called them fat and people are defending him.  I'd have punched him in the nuts.

OP, I think your husband is being an asshat, whether or not he was trying to be helpful.  There are a million ways to helpfully suggest getting healthier without informing your wife she needs to lose wait because her stomach is big.

EDIT:  Due to the fact that I have since realized the OP has an 8 month old dog and not an 8 month old baby.  My hatred for her DH is slightly abated....

This! 

8 month baby or an 8 month puppy I can't believe people are  defending this guy

lisaohgee86

Two possible cases: either he's an ***, or he's just oblivious. Hopefully it's the second, because a dose of telling-him-how-it-made-you-feel should make him feel bad and try to curb his honestly a little bit in the future on sensitive topics.