Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Frustrated
I have been with my fiance for almost 2 years now. Engaged for 1. And for the first few months sex was great. Then when I got pregnant sex became too painful. After my baby I gained back my drive times 5. That lasted about a week and even though I was craving it like crazy suddenly my fiance didn't really want it. I tried not to be upset but I couldn't help it. I finally wanted sex and now he didn't want it?...Well now my daughter is 6 months old and he still doesn't hardly want to even touch me...not even to give me a kiss or hug me or cuddle at bed time. I'm at a loss for what to do...I've tried talking to him about it buts gone no where...Any advice???
Re: Frustrated
Learn to be an adult and call things by their proper terms: "I was craving intercourse like crazy" and "suddenly my FI did not want to have sex."
Have you spoken to him about it?
If not, DO.
Communication is key.
Talk to him outside the bedroom -- pick a Saturday when you both have time to talk and no interruptions.
"Honey we used to have such a great sex life before the kiddo came along; I would love for us to get back to our ole standard" and then see what he says.
Maybe he thinks you're tired from taking care of the kiddo all day and you're not up to it -- see what he says.
Twice a week for sex would be great.:) Remember, things change when you have kids.
you can also pick up the ball here -- jump into the shower when he is in it or invite him in with you.
BTW, do not marry this guy until the sex problem is fixed to your satisfaction. The problem will not magically vanish after you say I DO. GL.
Some of the main possibilities are;.....
1) He now sees you as the mother of his child and as such you are NOT a suitable sexual partner,.......some men are prone to this and exactly why is usually a mystery to them as much as to everyone else. A psychiatrist can help.
2) While you were 'unavailable' he found another sexual partner and now feels more attached to her/him.
3) He feels fundamentally sexually rejected and is now 'paying you back' by withdrawing his love,....perhaps there was accrimony or unpleasantness in the way you kept him at arms length and he was unable to see that it was the pain/stress of pregnancy that made you like that. The way he refuses intimacy suggests a VERY upset man, for some reason.
.....If you have tried talking to him and got nowhere then you need to find someone else to get through to him and get some answers that you can work with. Ultimately, if he will not respond to your questions, your relationship is over. A therapist for you both is strongly recommended as you may have unwittingly played a part in his disaffection.
1) It's normal for a couple's sex life to change over time. You're no longer in the honeymoon stage.....you've been together long enough that the novely has worn off, and that's pretty normal.
2) Was this pregnancy planned? Perhaps your FI isn't really that into you anymore, and is only sticking around because of the baby. I mean, it sounds like you got knocked up shortly after you started dating.........maybe he would have broken up with you a year ago had you not been pregnant with his child.
My money is on #2. He's engaged to you out of obligation, but he's not happy about it.
What OldBugle suggested --- they call it the Madonna-Wh0re syndrome -- was your FI present when you were in the delivery room?
A sex therapist and mental health professional can help.
1) It's normal for a couple's sex life to change over time. You're no longer in the honeymoon stage.....you've been together long enough that the novely has worn off, and that's pretty normal.
2) Was this pregnancy planned? Perhaps your FI isn't really that into you anymore, and is only sticking around because of the baby. I mean, it sounds like you got knocked up shortly after you started dating.........maybe he would have broken up with you a year ago had you not been pregnant with his child.
My money is on #2. He's engaged to you out of obligation, but he's not happy about it.
And the OP is how old, 18? Wow...being a father this early on into a guy's life can be very very life changing. Most guys his age are out sowing their wild oats, going to college, etc.
You said that before the baby the sex was great? "Great" yeah, because what 17year old boy ISN'T horny? And being that he was 17 and very inexperienced, I can't see how he was "great."
I was also thinking that perhaps -- and it's crappy and poor timing, what with a kiddo that just got into the picture -- that it may very well be that the relationship is over. He may not know how to let you off the hook gracefully or he's waiting for you to end it, As I told a poster on another board, guys will freeze you out and give you the cold shoulder and make themselves otherwise scarce --- only when you insist on a declaration of hate will you get it -- and then the relationship will officially be over.
(and this is why kids minus marriage are not a good idea. It puts a strain on the relationship, whether or not the pregnancy has been planned -- and at age 18, doubtful if you and he planned this pregnancy at all --- and I also strongly suggest birth control for you. I am not trying to bust your balls or ride you or flame you but wow, if you are going to be sexually active you take precautions and use birth control -- and a condom at all times. Adults who are sexually active are responsible. Ever heard of HIV, AIDS and STDs...and unplanned pregnancy?)
You need to talk to him.
Ask him straight away if he is still interested in continuing a relationship with you and be prepared for the answer. If it is no, do not bother to make plans to revitalize the relationship or stay with him -- very very few guys and girls that are 18 or late teens are ready for a full time partnership, with or without marriage. If he is evasive or doesn't want to talk about it or your initiation of the subject results in an argument, call it quits and move on. Discussing it any further will get you nowhere.
See an attorney to get child support and visitation straightened out -- don't let him off the hook scot free --- go to legal aid or call yoru county bar association to find a low cost attorney who can be of service to you in that capacity. Wishing you luck.