Oklahoma Nesties
BoyMom21
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How do you deal with anxiety?
Specifically when it's related to something specific? I am paranoid every time H leaves the house. Since he's been driving so much daily for work, I can't help but worry about him. He leaves the house at 5:30 every morning and I wake up in a cold sweat wondering if he's ok. This is probably aggravated by the fact that he got in a wreck on the turnpike (very minor, changed lanes into someone, no one hurt) a few weeks ago and then a couple weeks ago he had a blow out on his trailer on the turnpike. Last night he did a quick job for this guy like 15 miles from our house...he text me at 6 saying he was leaving right then. At 6:40 he still wasn't home, so I started calling him. He'd just turned into our neighborhood and had stopped by the ATM before he came home. How do I quit this?? It's taking all I have not to text him and make sure he made it to work this morning.
Re: How do you deal with anxiety?
Have you talked to your H about the anxiety? Would he be open to humoring you with a text when he makes it to work or let you know if he's stopping elsewhere in the near term? Do you think it's worth talking to a doctor about it?
I don't have any good techniques, but I guess I would ask myself what I was really afraid had happened and if that fear was reasonable and remind myself that stressing about it couldn't actually impact the outcome either way.
I mentioned it last night in passing. We didn't have much of a conversation about it though...I just told him I'm constantly worrying that something is going to happen to him. He said he'd noticed the increase in texts/calls from me and told me everything would be okay. Lol. Not helpful! I know he'd be fine texting me when he makes it to work, etc. I just don't want to be psychotic about it, and I'm on the verge. I text him at 9:06 and just said "what's up"...it's 9:18 and no response so my mind is racing. I really don't want to see a doctor about it but I will I'd I can't shake it. I am driving myself (and will eventually drive him) insane.
I do like to know he made it wherever he's going. He doesn't bombard me with texts/phone calls. He gives me my space and when he texts it's genuinely just because he's saying hello or asking how my day is going. I drive all day long with his kids in the car...yet he is able to relax about all of it and not worry all day. I'm jealous!
I'm not sure when you say "doctor" if you mean an M.D. or a psychologist, but I would definitely recommend talking to a counselor. I have been having some pretty extreme anxiety since last spring. I finally started talking to a counselor about it in August, and it has helped me *so* much.
The key (IMO and from talking to a friend who is a psychologist and one of the head people in the psychology department at UCO) is to find someone who does cognitive behavioral therapy, which is kind of just a fancy way for saying they use therapy practices that studies have shown to be effective. A counselor can help you do exercises that sort of retrain your brain to more reasonable ways of thinking (like what Wendy mentioned about thinking about whether your fears are truly reasonable and whether you have any control over the situation).
The counselor I see is actually a supervised Masters student since we can't afford to pay full price for therapy, but I can ask my psychologist friend for recommendations if you'd like.
I am sorry that you are going this anxiety crap. I know what an awful, helpless feeling it is to be constantly worrying about things that you know after the fact were completely irrational, but you can't seem to shake in the moment. I hope you feel better soon!
I've had that anxiety too since H drives for a living. For the most part I've been able to control it better, but every now and then it pops up. What helped me is the text/phone call thing. I don't think it's unreasonable for him to call you when he gets to his destination or something, and then to let you know when he is leaving to come home.
If it's really bad, I second the therapist thing. A good therapist can always help. I'm a huge fan of going to a therapist. I see one periodically who helps me keep my head on straight.
Let me know if you ever want to talk about this. I totally understand--I've been exactly where you're at, and I know it sucks.
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I third the therapist. I saw a psychologist in Norman for awhile when we lived in Moore. She was fantastic. That's what got me through pregnancy without any meds. I wish I'd tried therapy sooner in my anxiety journey. I need to find someone up north now.
Do you have iphones? H and I have a "find my iphone" tracking app on our phones so we can always see where the other person's phone is. We love it! That way, when I'm having a random freak out about not hearing from H, I can use it and see that his phone is at the hospital, so he's probably caught up in surgery, or busy with patients in clinic, etc. We've used it when we travel apart, too. Very reassuring!
I have no advice. Just wanted to say I understand. I have anxiety issues too, but haven't found any real way to deal with it. If it's something DH can help me with, I just tell him that I know it's irrational, but to please humor me and do what I ask so I'll feel better. Example: fitted sheets. I can't put them on a bed. I have a complete panic attack. At first, DH thought I was insane. Six years into marriage, it isn't even a conversation. He just puts the sheets on because he knows I can't. And sometimes he'll encourage me to help him. I'll try, but end up having to walk away some of the time. He understands.
Did I just let my crazy show??
FWIW, DH isn't always an enabler for my anxiety issues. There are certain instances where he just has to show me some tough love and tell me to snap out of it and calm my sh!t. That works too!
I meant either this or your OB since the anxiety could be pregnancy induced and he/she likely has some recommendations as well.
I couldn't agree more. For me, I had to re-train myself to catch my brain before it started up 'ruminative thoughts', as the counselor called it. I don't know if you're a worrier by nature, but it could be one of those times where it's helpful to see someone. Having him text you when he gets places isn't a good long-term solution, in my opinion - it'll just make you THAT much more worried when he forgets or gets tied up or whatever. I think that if you can get some help in learning how to talk yourself down, it'll be much better for you both in the long run.
I'm sorry you're going through this, too. I had this issue myself a few years ago and critti hit the nail on the head when she said it feels helpless. I hope you get a good handle on it soon.
I see a therapist. Short and sweet, he helped me get off Lexapro when we were TTTC. I am fixing to set another appointment with him because winter (shorter days) always stirs up things in my mind.
I agree with whoever said that the text/call thing was a bad idea because if he does forget or get sidetracked with something else it could send your thoughts into panic mode.
Get it fixed sister, panic/anxiety attacks are freaking scary!