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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
my new husband hurt my feelings...what should i do???
Even though I hate putting my buisness out there i have to get this off my chest before i go crazy. First of all let me start off by saying ive known my husband since high school , we dated for awhile and went our seperate ways for college. We reconnected on facebook june of last year and were married august of this year. well before we even got married i was confronted twice by two old classmates about my husband and they warned me not to marry him and that hes not ready to settle with one women. because i was already head over heels in love he explained nothing happend and i married him anyway.......Sunday after thanksgiving we were just sitting around the house watchin movies and playing video games when i was trying to check my facebook page i noticed he hadnt logged off and he was messaging a married women some explicit comments.... my first thought was to kick him out but i married him for good bad rich or poor and im confused on what to do about. he hasnt done anything physical with the woman but it still hurts to know after two months of marriage hes already doing wrong....what should i do?
Re: my new husband hurt my feelings...what should i do???
You were warned he wasn't ready to settle down. You ignored. You found actual evidence that he really isn't ready. And you want to basically ignore again.
You've got only 2 months invested. You're REALLY going to stick it out "for better or worse"?
Good luck is all I can say. He's a cheater and he's looking to cheat and he WILL cheat.
This is who you married.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
It's a forum of words where that is the only way you can communicate. Writing with correct grammar and spelling makes it easier on everyone. I also work for a living.
Anyway, honestly? He wasn't apologetic that he did it, he was apologetic that he got caught. That tells me that next time he'll be sneakier. There will be a next time if you stay.
You're rolling on the floor laughing? At work? While your new husband is busy looking to cheat on you? Well, you're a ball of sunshine, I guess.
Better or worse doesn't cover cheating. Even most (all?) religions allow for divorce in the instance of infidelity.
You should move on. You were warned, and you made a mistake. Don't ignore the writing on the wall again. He has cheated, is cheating, and will cheat again. Especially if you do nothing about it.
Your husband didn't "hurt your feelings." He betrayed you and your wedding vows.
Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
TTC 19 months ~Started RE in March 2014~
DH was not ready for IUI so we waited
~Started acupuncture in May 2014~
~~BFP 7/6/14~~~EDD 3/14/15~~It's a girl!!~~
You could leave him outright. If it were me, I would sit him down for a serious conversation about it, take him through counselling, and then maybe take him back if he reforms. However, there's a chance this path will end up with you leaving him anyways.
Sitting there and being the poor, mistreated wife in silence would be an awful option.
Don't listen to these bitter betties. If you love him enough, he will change. Let your love be a pure, white, shining beacon, that he can always find his way home from whatever whore's nest he's in.
Be the virtuous wife he needs.
To the above poster-
You can be a "virtuous wife" and not be an ignorant or naive one. OP- the above posters are right. If he is doing this behind your back two months into your marriage, he was doing it before you got married, and will continue to do it. He will just find ways to be sneakier about it. Also, the fact that he didn't log off after, or even delete those messages right away, is astounding to me. He knows how naive you are/have been all along...and it's girls like you that end up falling for guys like him and letting them hurt you over and over again. You need to grow a back bone, get a divorce, and move on. Have some self-respect and dignity! Good luck!
I'm five days in to marriage but 8yrs in a relationship i hope my advice will be useful to you though.
Relationships are all built on trust,respect and an understanding that the other person also holds your best interest at heart. right now a lot of that foundation has crumbled and to mend it you will need very open and honest communication, this is never easy. So before taking any further steps in terms of counseling or even trying to forget and forgive you need to do very deep self evaluating about how you feel, what you want and do not want for right now and in future. Decide what you want only after having given yourself enough time to deal with every aspect of this.
GOOD LUCK
Out of curiosity, how old are you and your husband?
Regardless, I agree with PPs that he isn't sorry he's (more than likely) cheating, he's only sorry he got caught. If you are really interested in making your marriage work, I think marriage counselling might be a good avenue to start. However, I will say that marriage takes the participation of BOTH people to make it work, so even with counselling, if he's not willing to change, then you are probably better off finding someone who will put in the same effort that you are and actually respect you.
I know this is an older post, but thought I'd share my opinion anyways.
Did you know the woman he was messaging? Does he say explicit things often? Does he know you were warned by old classmates?
I ask because I have plenty of male friends who regularly say very inappropriate things. To me, to other friends, that's just them. It's not taken seriously. Not saying that it's right to say things like that to others, but if that's the norm, then maybe nothing was meant by it. My H also says explicit things to people out of plain humor. He does not do it often. Again, it may not be right, but that's him.
Do you think he's cheating on you? Has his behavior changed? I think you just need to talk to him about what's going on. Maybe try some counseling. I don't think you should throw away your marriage because of an explicit comment.
Just my thoughts. But if you do find out 100% that he's cheating, cut your loses now!
I know this is an older post, but thought I'd share my opinion anyways.
Did you know the woman he was messaging? Does he say explicit things often? Does he know you were warned by old classmates?
I ask because I have plenty of male friends who regularly say very inappropriate things. To me, to other friends, that's just them. It's not taken seriously. Not saying that it's right to say things like that to others, but if that's the norm, then maybe nothing was meant by it. My H also says explicit things to people out of plain humor. He does not do it often. Again, it may not be right, but that's him.
Do you think he's cheating on you? Has his behavior changed? I think you just need to talk to him about what's going on. Maybe try some counseling. I don't think you should throw away your marriage because of an explicit comment.
Just my thoughts. But if you do find out 100% that he's cheating, cut your loses now!
Thanks for being concerned!! since then we 've been to see our marriage counselor, and been to church and had very serious talks about what he did. I love my husband very much and the fact that he has been really trying to fix his mistake and make me happy makes me happy. We have been on dates he has apolojized to the young lady he texted cause she felt umcomfortable about it and he said he was just being a guy and he'll never do it again. The thing that seperates me from a lot of women is that im not gonna leave my husband for the first mistake he makes, no one is perfect including me!!!I forgive him and were moving on from this and were happy!
Oh and yes he know I was warned, anything that looks suspect to me i confront him, even if its small because communication is a big deal and i want us to always be able to tell each other everything , and anything even if it may hurts mine or his feelings.
So you're going to be his warden? That sounds like fun.
How in the world can women get on these boards and tell another women to leave there husband. Honestly I think all of you sound ignorant except for the lady with the virtuous wife comment. Who taught you ladies about the sanctity of marriage? who taught you that the first time someone makes a mistake you leave them for it? This women is not in high school. Obviously the guy made a mistake, but who are you to judge someone else and ther husband.
I can honestly say that I have made mistakes in my life, can you? We are all human! What ever happen to forgiving people and making marriages work? Please dont try and pretnd you have never done anything to hurt your spouse if you havent KEEP LIVING!!! People have a habit of always sharing there spouses faults and never post what they have done which to me seem very fake!!!! Allow yourself to be real and stay out of other peoples marriage. Some of these women need a shoulder to lean on not your advice on leaving! seem like misery loves company to me.....