Family Matters
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Is She Cheating?
SO... long, LONG story short, my mother-in-law has had an on-again/off-again with another man for the past ~13 years. She is IN LOVE with this other man. She basically only returns to her husband because after she is caught in the affair (again and again) her children are hurt and angry and won't have much to do with her. She usually returns in about a month after she leaves (doesn't give them time to forgive her even). Then everyone returns to normal and pretends nothing happened and we act like one big happy family. Anyway, to spare you the details (they are soap opera-esque) my question is: I think she is cheating again, do I do anything about it, like attempt to prove it? I don't have concrete evidence but I do usually start to pick up when she is acting differently and I am getting that gut feeling again. I have said something to my husband. He agrees that something is up. How far would you go to find out the truth? The last time this happened, I was pregnant with our first child and we told her that she had one chance to be in our child's life because we would not put our daughter through grandma being an occasional member of the family and the fighting and emotions that go along with the affair. So if she is cheating, the rest of the family can take her back but my family is done with her. Should I follow her or hire a PI or what? I just want to know the truth and honestly I do want to "catch" her and be done with it all because that is the only way it will ever be over, at least for us. Suggestions to catch a cheater?
~basquing in the wedded bliss~
Re: Is She Cheating?
Cheating is wrong and there is never an excuse for doing so. However, why do all of her children want her to stay married to their dad if she does not love him and is not happy?
As for you proving it. You need to stay out of it. If "her" children or husband want to snoop then so be it. You are the DIL, you should let your husband be the lead here.
"Don't marry a man unless you would be PROUD to have a son exactly like him." ~ Unknown
I agree with all of this. The only person I feel sorry for is your FIL.
Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
Useless.
What your FIL needs to do: tell her goodbye, if, that is, he is aware she's having an affair and he's got proof that she's having an affair.
As usual, cheating is a dealbreaker. It's up to your FIL to say goodbye --- or for your MIL to tell your FIL she's leaving and wants a divorce.
Also, I've been thinking of this today. I've been wondering why your FIL is putting up with this. I think it may have to with his children.
You all honestly need to stay out of this. A marriage is only answered too the people IN the marriage.
I wonder if your FIL would be more willing and confident to end his marriage if he wasn't worried about the reaction and fallout from his children. (I'm just ASKING, please do not get all worked up!)
Think about it. He sees the anger and reaction from his children on MIL and the uproar, then he sees his children carry on like nothing happened. One time, ugh, okay. But this sounds like many times. Honestly, if you want this to end and the cycle to stop, you and your H may think of putting your support and effort behind FIL. Tell him and show him it's okay to end this cycle for MIL.
If your FIL wants to end his marriage with your MIL, then that's HIS choice.
If he doesn't choose to take umbrage with her behavior, then it is what it is. You and your DH can personally choose to end your relationship with her, but anything more than that is beyond overstepping your bounds. It's not your job to turn her husband and other children against her, and it never will be. If they choose to ignore her digressions, then that's their choice. Drop it. Now.
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating