Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
help
So me and my husband have been married for almost 9 months and we've been having a lot of issues lately. When I come home from work he doesn't even say hi to to me or get off the couch to say hi to me. Also when we go out for "date night" he's always on his phone or when we go to bed hes on his phone. I've talked to him about this and he said he would work on it. How ever this was 3 weeks ago and nothing has changed. Everything is the same. I told him if it doesn't change I'm not staying. I don't know what else to do.
Re: help
To me, a spouse is first priority. And who is he on the phone with for all these hours?
Does this have something to do with his employment/ with business? If not, I'd start to wonder just what's so bloody important that he has to spend so much time talking to whoever this is.
When he is with you all he does is yakk on the phone? That's rude indeed and uncalled for -- he is with you and he's on the phone and talking away?? --- and yeah, what's so important that he has to be in constant contact with this person?
You're out with him on a date night and all you get is the favor of his presence? Man.
And what's up with not making time for his wife when she comes home? Doesn't say hello? what are you running there - a flophouse? And again, how rude of him. He can't even manage a hello???
You need to get Mr. Sociable off the phone and you need to speak to him about the problems you are having. Do this with no interruptions and make sure that the solution is one that is satisfactory to you both.
His behavior needs modification immediately. This nonsense with the constant phone bullshit needs to end immediately and he needs to treat you like a wife and partner effective immediately. No deadlines, no nothin': immediately.
That you've already spoken to him and nothing's happened isn't a good sign.It's a poor relection of his character and shows me that he doesn't give 2 figs for you and your marriage to him.
Talk to him again and if he can't make sure your happiness comes first and that the problem is solved to your satisfaction tells me plenty about him.
I do not wish to be the forebeaer of bad news but I'd wonder what's so important that the person at the end takes precedence over his wife. I wonder if his little phone friend is another woman/man and that he's up to no good....for your sake, get down to the bottom of this.
And if it turns out this guy's having an affair, show him the door and get your marriage annulled -- once a cheater, always a cheater and you have only been married since March. What this is is fraud and this is somebody who is not ready for a lifelong committment with anyone.
It's highly doubtful that this phone pal he's got is a new behavior acquired after you and he married..
Chances are that all of this was going on before you were married to him. All the more reason why this marriage should be annulled, if it turns out that he's having an affair with whoever this is --- and even if it is *only* a relationship where it's a *friendship* an affair is an affair, whether or not it involves sex. GL.
PS: Doesn't this guy work? Or does he work a night shift or have some other type of job where his hours are not 9 to 5? (If he's not working/works another type of job that is not 9 to 5, why is he on the couch when you gets home instead of doing something constructive?)
I am confused about this.
You would believe him until you found out otherwise makes sense, except that you *did* find out otherwise. You found out he was cheating on you for two years, no?
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
That's when you should have said goodbye. Who or what on that phone could possibly be this important and need so much attention from your FI?
You should have seen something was fishy even then and said goodbye to him.
And apparently whoever this is is a great deal more important than you are --- srsly, he's continually talking to whoever this is and you can't even get a hello...and these conversations continue clear into bed time?
This is another person who is getting his attention. Do not stand for this. I guarantee you that whoever it is at the end of the line isn't one of his guy friends, or something that has to do with a work issue.
And if I was engaged to somebody and I got some sort of anonymous tip off my FI was having an affair, I'd have spent the time and money on a PI to see if this anonymous tipster was right.
So you knew what you were signing up for when you married him. That's not his fault.
Apparently his behavior was perfectly acceptable while you were still dating and engaged; why is it unacceptable now that you're married?
What did he say in response to these allegations? Did he let you look through his phone, email? Was there increased transparency? Because I'm not seeing where he had given you a reason to trust him. His behavior is shady, and I think you know that. Dude is cheating, and probably never stopped.
Even if it were an innocent phone friend (although come on, you know it isn't), his behavior is still unacceptable. Spouses don't just ignore each other in favor of talking on the phone all day. Heck roommates have more interaction than that!
Do his phone habits indicate cheating? Only you can answer that. Maybe he's playing angry birds. Whatever the case, this marriage is in real trouble. Cut off the data plans to the phones, and get into counseling if you want to repair this relationship. Once you make him understand that you are serious about your discontent, he will either make an effort, or he wont. Either way should make your decision easier.
best of luck to you.
Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
So....someone warned you that he was cheating and you believed fianc? at the time blindly without a doubt or initiative to find out for sure? If your husband is always on the phone, who is he talking to? Have you viewed phone records (online statement, not his phone because he can delete those) ??