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How do you get over kid issues and bad days?
This weekend was pretty wretched and I am still in as bad of a mood as I was last night.
I had to take my cat to the emergency vet late Friday and got to bed at 2am. For the short term, she's okay. But there are probably more issues still to deal with.
So for the rest of the weekend, I didn't get enough sleep, Heather's behavior was AWFUL and I only got a fraction of my to-do list done thanks to all of the above issues. And we have a crazy, busy week ahead that is going to make it very hard for me to get extra sleep, get extra stuff done or relax at all.
I'm really trying to get over it and move on...but I am just a big, crabby ball of stress today and I don't know how to fix it. I still feel mad at Heather and worried that this awful behavior will continue. It was really hard to have a "fresh start" with her this morning...and it all came raging back when she didn't want to get dressed. Grrr.
Re: How do you get over kid issues and bad days?
I agree that being apart today will probably help with you getting over it. And also, it's okay to be frustrated with and have days where you kind of don't like your kids. You'll always love them, but it's okay to be frustrated with them. I also tend to hold on to things and be more angry when I'm tired. So even though your week is busy and you have a long list looming, maybe go to bed tonight when the kids do. That can help put things in perspective.
I'm sorry your cat is having health issues.
How time flies! Caileigh (9), Keira (6) & Eamon (3)
I agree with the ladies who are saying that it's ok for you to feel mad at her today. For a long time, I felt like acknowledging that I was mad made me a bad mother. I told my mom this and she said, "it's ok to be mad at him for a while. It's normal." It sounds crazy, but that was a big turning point for me. I found that I felt a lot less frustrated when I gave myself permission to be mad for a while.
I hope you have a low stress day at work today. I also agree that time apart definitely can help both you and Heather. Give yourself a break on that to do list, or work on it tonight and let Rudy handle Heather to give you some more time away.
1. I am so sorry about your kitty. They are family members, too! It stinks when they are sick.
2. I'm sorry your littles re pushing your buttons! I;m sure being apart today will be a little bit of a help. Is there any way you can sneak in a bit of "alone" time today before reuniting and tackling your "to do" list? Get your hubs to do pick up at daycare/school or bed time and read a book for a bit? Go to a coffee or ice cream shop for a treat? Knit for 30 minutes? Express mani or pedi? Or even use the time to really knock something that has been bothering you off your list. I know when I take a few minutes for me I tend to feel a little bit better?
Also, I have found the "fake it til you make it" philosophy works sometimes. Is there anything super fun on your to-do list that Heather would enjoy helping with? Baking cookies? Wrapping presents? Maybe if you're excited and involve her (with no mention of this morning or last night's behavior so it doesn't seem like a reward) it will help her turn around, too. I'm sure she picked up on the stress of a sick kitty and a tired Momma. Plus, this is a hard time of year to be a little one.
When I talk with people about relationship problems (a lot of whom are teens) I try to remind them that the only thing they can control is their own reaction. So maybe if for today you try your best not to be antagonized it will help you to be calmer, and maybe rub off on her.
Good luck. Prioritize your list. Get a good night's sleep tonight. Try not to stress about making everything perfect. A perfect Christmas but an unhappy Momma isn't really perfect anyway.
And if all that fails. Wine. Lots of it. :-P
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Thanks for all of your replies, ladies. I just feel like nothing was working with Heather this weekend. It didn?t matter if I was calm or happy or mad, or if I took a time out, or if DH took a turn ? bribes, threats, rewards - nothing worked! It felt like we had to make her cry to get her to snap out of it and listen to us, which is absolutely not the way that we want to parent.
It is just one of those weeks where I am trapped by commitments. Tonight I have a class and then I have to go to the grocery because I spent my weekend grocery time trying to get Heather to clean up the freakin? toys. And I can?t skip the grocery ? I skipped last week, so we?re low on food and both kids have snack duty this week. Add in a parent-teacher conference, a mattress delivery, a class party and a trip to MIL?s, and I can?t even take a full lunch hour any day this week.
I know that in the grand scheme of things that my problems are minor, and I?m not really worried about Christmas coming together. I just can?t seem to get my feelings in check and I HATE feeling like this. When she says "No, I don't want to!" in that snotty voice to a perfectly reasonable request, it drives me nuts!
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I did that. I collected 1 1/2 large boxes of toys to give away. And I still need to do her room! It makes her cry, but it is 50/50 on whether it will actually get her to help me.
This morning we had happy and helpful Heather. Hopefully she'll stick around for a while!
same here. I am constantly taking away toys. I bagged up a whole garbage bag full one day and left them in the garage for a very long time!! We generally have most of her toys from her room taken away in our room.
glad you had a good morning. Dd was rude as soon as I picked her up last night and this morning she had attitude. I seriously can't believe her behavior with only 2 weeks till Christmas. It makes me not excited about Christmas and giving her stuff when she's been acting like this!
I think we all can relate to this! I am a super laid back person, but I also get easily overwhelmed. There are a few things that I try to do to help (as always, easier said than done), and I try to always do these things, not just waiting until I am at my "maxed out" moments.
Focus on one thing at a time. We are hosting Christmas dinner. I can't very well clean the house, meal plan, and grocery shop at the same time, so I'm not going to stress about all three of them at the same time. Prioritize, and take them one step at a time.
Don't get ahead of myself. On Thursday I have two commitments, on top of the regular cluster f*ck that is our evening routine. It will be a lot of running around, I will probably be late, and I will probably get myself worked up at one point during the night. But today is Tuesday, not Thursday. I can't do anything ahead of time to make that day easier for me, so I'll worry about Thursday when it gets here. Like the saying, don't borrow tomorrow's troubles.
Delegate! That Christmas dinner we are hosting? People are bringing side dishes. That grocery shopping I was talking about earlier? DH is doing it (along with a lot of other things I'm passing his way).
Manage my expectations. It's the holidays. Sh!t gets crazy. It will never be any other way, so I just roll with it. Some of you mentioned being surprised that your kids are acting out with Santa on the way. I can't think of any other time of year when it makes more sense for kids to be acting up. A lot of extra stuff is going on, excitement is in the air, everyone is running around stressed, Santa is coming = OMG! EEK!, not let me sit here well-behaved.
Perspective. A lot of the things we stress the most about, have a way of working themselves out. Maybe I'm late. Maybe I forget something. Maybe my house is dirty. At the end of the day, it will be okay.
Take time for myself. Deep Breaths. 15 minutes locked in a room (or even my car) by myself. Going to the mall late at night (stressful for some, but it's actually really peaceful for me!). My work offers seated massages - I try to get one once a month. Take a 15 minute walk outside. Whatever it is that works for you.
And when all else fails - wine!
Thanks, Meghan. Lots of good advice. I do think I have a good list going to keep me on track and prioritized, and I definitely have managed expectations. I don't expect our holidays to be "perfect". And considering all of the many changes in our family and our celebrations in the past few years...we seem to be constantly establishing new traditions. This will be the first year that we won't stay with family in Ohio (my grandfather's house sold in May), but I am looking forward to seeing some of the sights in my hometown, which we couldn't do before because it was too much activity for my grandparents.
And that's a good point about not expecting well-behaved kids. Between holiday parties, decorating, treats and holiday shows there really isn't anything normal about our schedule right now.
I also think, with a day's perspective, that my cat's illness has me more upset and worried than I realized. I probably wasn't at my most patient this weekend, and I'm sure that didn't help anything. I'm trying to focus on the fact that Nora is acting normal now and seems to feel okay. I can't do anything about what will happen at her follow-up next week, so I'm trying not to think about it.