Drastic change after wedding

Confusedaboutbabies

We were married this summer. I had major baby fever before we tied the knot for about a year up until about a month before the wedding. Ive always wanted kids and never thought twice about it. After the wedding it was like something snapped inside me. Pregnancy, babies and birth gross me out beyond belief. I'm almost 27 so I find this somewhat odd. I'm really at the point where I no longer want to birth children. I tried to bring up adoption but my husband didn't even want to entertain the idea. I feel sick to my stomach over this. I feel so alone since my childless friends are trying, want or can't have kids. I want to vent without the jealousy and negativity toward my strange feelings...

 Am I alone? 

BeckyOff

It's easier to fantasize when you know you're definitely not going to do it right now.  When you have the opportunity to turn it into a reality, it's different.

Doesn't matter if the fantasy is having 6 kids or buying an old house to fix up.  Fun to dream about, but when you actually think about what the fantasy really entails... you may decide to do the opposite of what you always thought you'd choose.

rikkidawn28

I think the idea of a child makes me nervous. We don't have any children and we are in our thirties. We have gotten used to being able to pick up and go anywhere without worrying about a babysitter. It is expensive and alot of responsible.

And yes, child birth, from what I hear, is a painful experience. A friend of mine said that a woman's body produces a harmone to help a woman forget the pain of labor.

I think we may TTC in about 2 to 3 years. Hopefully, by then we will have more things in place and will feel more prepared to take on such a huge responsibility.

I think it is good to address your feelings. If you find that is becomes a deal breaker between you and your husband, perhaps seek therapy. See if the two of you can meet half way on the issue.

Maybe in time you will feel differently.

Confusedaboutbabies

Thank you. I've been hoping for my feelings to get better but unfortunately I seem to be moving very fast in the no kids direction. My husband wants to have a kid before he's 30 which would mean getting pregnant very soon. I used to feel the same way (actually, wouldve loved to have a kid a couple years ago... strange) I don't want to be an old mom but I also don't want to resent my children and self medicate like my cousin.

EastCoastBride

Well, these timelines of "before I'm ___" need to sometimes be thrown out the window.  He needs to worry about YOU first.  not some arbitrary age he threw out there.  If he doesn't have a child until he's 31 or 32 or heck, 35, the world will not stop spinning.

cinderellasjc

Big events in our lives can change our outlook towards the future alot.  Maybe your overwhelming need to have children prior to getting married was because that is what is "supposed" to come next. 

I was so sure I was never having children, the entire process of child birth was nothing I wanted to experience.  When I turned 24 (many years ago), I found myself pregnant.  Although it was not anything I had imagined, I had my daughter, and found that it was the most amazing experience ever. 

Only you know what you want in life.. give it some time, maybe after the initial excitement of being married has passed, you will find yourself ready to begin a family.   If you choose not to, that is fine too; and if you friends are "true" friends, you should be able to go to them with anything.  I'm sure they will hear you out, and give you support, and possibly some insight you may not be seeing yourself.

Good Luck!

Sewilson33

It is completely different thinking about having kids before your married and invisioning you life after your married than actually being married and preparing for the next step. My advice to you is to slow down. You just got married EVERYTHING changes right after marriage. You are 27, still young, and have plenty of time to settle into this new life before you bring a new life into this world.

I also want to say I went through the same thing as you.  If you asked me 5 months before we got married I would have said we would have a baby by now, but things change, feelings change. If you ever want to talk about it send me a message. I'm 26 been married 18 months and we are starting TTC now.

Supasm

I never really wanted to have kids when I was younger. When we got married I started to entertain the idea but decided against it. A month later one careless night and I was pregnant. It was honestly alot of change way to fast. Getting married, now part of another family and the expectations that come along with that. It almost felt like I was losing myself. Now that my daughter is here I don't regret any of it. She is perfect in my eyes and I love her dearly. 

You should wait until you are ready and if you never are then you never are and your husband should respect that. Your feelings are not strange in the least bit. 

Amanda1443994

You are def. not alone. I'll be 25 in a month and everything you just described is how I feel. Everything about pregancy and having kids just grosses me out. I'm pretty lucky, though, because my H feels the same way. He doesn't care if I birth our children, adopt, or never have any kids at all. I always thought it was weird of me, at this age, to be so grossed out about it (esp. when all my friends--even the male ones--want children so bad), so I'm glad I'm not the only one!

nyc artist

You are not alone AT ALL. I thought of putting up a similar post recently but didn't have the time. I am terrified of carrying a baby for 9 months and then the labor/delivery. Television/media doesn't help either...umm, I don't know if you've watched "American Horror Story" but there is a gruesome birth scene in that show. Maybe I watch too many scary things....

But my point is, I think it's a scary thing because of what it does to women physically, and also how it will change your life forever. AND all the things that could possibly go wrong with the  child too, like health or mental problems, it just seems overwhelming. I don't really have advice here, but I can say you aren't the only one with these thoughts.  I don't know if we will have children, or possibly adopt but I do know that neither of us is ready at this point.

sillygoosegirl

We've been married 7 and a half years, and have flip-flopped on this more times than I can remember.  First I'm ready and he's scared.  Then he's ready and I'm scared.  Having a baby seems to sound like a great idea to both of us, so long as we know the other will veto it.  But if it starts to sound like it might actually happen?  Holy ***!  Run screaming!  

I always thought I'd have all my kids before I was 28.  I'm 30 now and we aren't even TTC yet.  There's still time.