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Husband just moved out, how to cope
My husband just moved out and I need help coping. We had been seperated for a year and he only moved back in 5 mos ago! He says about 2 mos ago he started questioning his decision. Now he's feeding me a bunch of crap about how he thinks he "can't" be happy with me (even though we were pretty happy 5 mos ago) and there's no point in trying to reconnect because its not possible, "there's nothing to reconnect to". "its not fixable". i think he's a moron. he's been depressed for a few years due to unemployment issues. he wants to be alone all the time. he says the fact that he never wants to be around me is a sign. again, during the year we were seperated he couldn't get enough of me. he says our relationship has a "ceiling", the best its ever gonna get is before we're living together. honestly at this point if he's too dumb to realize its Possible for us to reconnect, I really think its over. even if he decides in a month or two that he was wrong and wants to come back, i dont think i would take him back. i mean, what's gonna happen in 5yrs when he hit another rough patch, he leaves again without even trying? no, that's bullshit. i can't live the rest of my life wondering when my husband is gonna decide he doesn't wanna be with me again.
so at this point i've decided if he's going through with leaving (which he did) then he can't come back. and now i have to figure out how to cope with that decision. i'm devastated. i miss him so much. obviously i dont want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me but there was a time when he did, there was a time when we were happy. i'm not a co-dependent person or anything but i really really really enjoy having someone to share my life with, someone to come home to. I feel like everyone i know has moved on with their life, i feel like i basically have no social life left at all. my friends are getting married themselves or have kids and never have time to do anything. plus i work alot and barely have time myself. but i know if i just work and sleep and watch tv i will feel very unfulfilled in my life. i need to get out and do something. especially since i work from home so otherwise i'll never leave my house.
any advice? how do i cope? would you believe i scoured the internet and havent been able to find ANY support groups in my area for divorcing women? i feel so very alone in this.
Re: Husband just moved out, how to cope
I'm so sorry your going through this, only advice I have is to seek some type of counseling, after that you should feel a lot better . Maybe go and buy yourself an outfit that makes you feel sexy and go somewhere even if its by yourself. You now have to learn to do things on your own, it may be hard at first but once you start loving you then pray and ask God to send you someone special in your life and be specific! One thing my mom always taught me is to never give up on love!!!
He can't make up his mind, apparently. First he wants a separation, got it, it lasted a year and then he moved back in? (I wonder if he had a relationship going on with somebody else during that year you were apart, and now it's over, hence his moving back in and blah blah blah "let's make this work.")
Sounds like you don't want to be "left behind" -- all of your friends are marrying, so this schmuck is looking mighty fine to you again.
The post from 21/2 years ago --- and you weren't even married a year when this was going on:
I?m feeling especially negative right now so please take what I say with a grain of salt. And please understand that my husband and I simply cannot afford marriage counseling so that is not an option. My H and I got married on our 5yr anniversary. We?ve been married less than a year and have been living together a little over a year. I feel like ever since he moved in, things have changed. He used to live with his parents and brothers and basically did his own thing and was very in his own little world. I feel like when he moved into my place, he started treating me like one of his family members and just started coming home and basically ignoring me. I feel like he never wants to spend time with me, I feel like I?m very low in his priority list of things to do ? like he cares much more about spending time doing his hobbies than doing anything with me. He takes no initiative with household things. For three months after he graduated college it was a huge argument just to get him to try to get a job - he had a Very difficult time with the transition into "adulthood" from college life (we originally meant to get married a few mos after he graduated but there was a problem and he graduated a semester late but we'd already booked the hall).
I feel like his mother, and that he likes me to ?take charge? and just do everything. We almost never have sex. Throughout our whole relationship I?ve always had to be the one to initiate it so I guess that?s not really a big change. I guess I just thought he?d mature as time went on, and I certainly didn?t expect that he?d suddenly never wanna be around me after he moved in. We?ve talked about it a hundred times. He says he doesn?t wanna do any of the stuff I want to do. He says he thinks it?s normal that we just come home and ?do our own thing? most days. I have to argue with him just to get him to say hello when he walks in the door! I don?t know. How much time is ?normal? for married couples to spend together? Every day? We used to want to spend all our free time together just watching TV. Now I just feel like he?d rather do anything else. He doesn?t really understand how I feel even though we?ve talked about it a million times. As I said, he?s very passive and doesn?t take initiative so he doesn?t understand how I feel and what?s worse is he?s very hesitant and unsure of what can be done to fix it. Some days I just feel hopeless that I?m going to have the marriage I thought I was going to have. Am I being unrealistic?
it takes a strong person to realize that a change needs to be made....even one that is going to hurt for some time.
If you're back on your own, then OWN IT. Do the things you can't do with a significant other. Travel because you can. Eat ice cream in front of trashy TV. Go out to bars and flirt. Wear sexy outfits. Change your hair color. Take up a craft or hobby or take a cooking/dancing/pole dancing class -- whatever! Do Whatever Makes You HAPPY. NEVER rely on a man or another person to make you happy. You are responsible for your own life and joy.
People want to be around other happy people. If you live life for YOU, then someone new is bound to come across you, think you're amazing and want to be a part of all the awesome things you're doing! And the best part -- by that time you'll be feeling happy and fulfilled and therefore able to enjoy their company.
Like others have said...having a therapist or counselor to help support you and your choices right now might be very helpful to help you get on the path to happiness.
good luck!
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