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Sexless (long, sorry)
I'm not sure if this is a TIP post, or if I should mention this over on thebump, but I want your advice on this =/
So a bit of a background H and I were on and off for 7 years before we got married. It makes perfect sense to me, because neither of us were really ready for that kind of commitment when we were 16, which is when we dated the first time. Besides when we first started having sex, we've never really been very, uh, bunny like. It would come in spurts where sometimes we would a lot, and one time when we were together (granted, we were having problems) we didn't have sex for like 3 months. So, I guess with that in mind, I'm a little apathetic towards my husbands complaints right now.
I'm 10 weeks pregnant and really just have no sex drive at all. I think we've had sex like once since we found out that I was KU and I really didn't even like it. I feel like garbage and even though logically, I know that it won't make a difference with the baby I'm just paranoid about it until after I'm out of the 1st trimester. We've kind of talked about it before and he didn't seem to really care. Granted, this was like 6 weeks ago and a lot can change in that amount of time.
Well, a couple days ago he didn't freak out on me per say, but got super pissy when I denied him again. He started ranting about how we haven't done anything for over a month and that he didn't think it would be like this. He brought up a lot of things that I didn't even really notice, that not even just sex, that I don't cuddle at night anymore, and in general we are more distant with each other. I told him to just wait another few weeks, and I'm going to start feeling better and this will probably change. He accepted my answer but wasn't too happy with it.
I should probably mention that just from coincidence his friend, my friends, and even my MOM all started asking about our sex life recently. I don't think he's gabbing to anyone about this so is the universe telling me something? Am I being insensitive to his needs here?
Re: Sexless (long, sorry)
normally I'm all for fake it til you make it with sex. But when i was in my first tri, I had no sex drive and really really didn't feel well. When I got into my second tri, my libido came back, so eh. I think he could probably wait a few more weeks, but if it's a big issues and you're not feeling ill, maybe go for a quick romp.
I don't think many people ever actually regret having sex with their partners when the relationship is good.
Your bigger problem is your douchey H:
Well, a couple days ago he didn't freak out on me per say, but got super pissy when I denied him again. He started ranting about how we haven't done anything for over a month and that he didn't think it would be like this. He brought up a lot of things that I didn't even really notice, that not even just sex, that I don't cuddle at night anymore, and in general we are more distant with each other. I told him to just wait another few weeks, and I'm going to start feeling better and this will probably change. He accepted my answer but wasn't too happy with it.
He needs to understand that yours is a hormones due to pregnancy thing and he also needs to grow up.
If he doesn't know the hormonal whys and wherefores how pregnancy hormones can indeed kill a libido, he needs to learn about them, and stat.
IWOW --- what's he going to do when the kiddo comes along and you're dead on your feet from attending to the baby all day long and the last thing you want is sex with your H???
Nip this in the bud NOW. If he exhibits this kind of behavior again, insist on counseling for the both of you.
All of this, 100%.
Also, he needs to man up and fast. Very soon another little life will be taking over. Every need, want and demand for that little monster has to be met before anyone else's. Throw a bottle of lube at him and a magazine. He sounds like an a$$.
Your time, and your H's, no longer will solely belong to just the 2 of you.
He needs to get that and get it now. He does it again, counseling stat.
I'm not a fan of "fake it till you make it." I don't really feel like lying to my husband or trying to enjoy sex when I'm not into it. My husband always knows if I'm not into it and then we both just end up feeling badly. I'm just honest with him: "Not tonight, okay?" Luckily, I married an adult!
I agree that sex is important, but so is being pregnant. You don't feel well and you're growing his child - that should count for something. But, if he can't understand that, then I think you have bigger problems on the horizon.
I would say give him a little something if you are not feeling too sick or anything. A little can go a long way and it sounds like he is feeling a little rejected. I know in my 1st trimester I didnt even really want to be touched but now I want full oout affection constantly from my DH, gotta love hormones! Lol But in my 1st trimester I think my DH felt a little rejected and that was the last thing I wanted him to feel. Both of you have to give a little here and over a month is a long time to go without affection of some sort.
Thanks for the responses. Maybe I made it sound worse than how I interpret it? I don't think it's an issue that needs counseling or anything. I would even say that I am mostly at fault here because I know if he acted the way I am towards him I would probably feel a bit hurt.
yeah so when he get s pregnant and his hormones are a wreck youll be understanding.
it amazes me how men who are going to be fathers arent intelligent enough to understand what a pregnancy does to a womans body.
Look you are blaming yourself for his bad behavior. You need to stop doing that ASAP. He is being an a$$, next time tell him that. I can't stand it when pregnant woman are made to feel like they should be doing more for the spouse. It's BS, pregnancy isn't fun for you so it stands to reason it won't be fun for him.
That fact that your DH doesn't get this is ming boggling. Not all men stomp around like babies b/c they aren't getting any from their pg wives, some have compassion and understanding. I really hate when woman act like men are primitive morons that need sex to survive. Stop blaming yourself and tell him to get over it.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
Oi. Bigger problems it is.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
This probably is directly opposite of any other advice you get...but here I go...
I think that a total lack of sex probably sucks for him and my advice? If you are not experiencing any health issues that 'prevent' sex....then you might have to fake it along until your drive comes back (as others have said....it will probably return in the next few weeks)
I would say--fake it. Keep it quick and simple and make is all about him. (do everything you can to make him finish quickly.) This gives him some release and it keeps the sex (though probably far less frequently) going on between the two of you. No...you might not find yourself having mind-blowing orgasms....but it probably won't be all that bad either.
I know that I am in my second Trimester and my sex drive picked up considerably.
Hang in there! You will begin to feel better soon
Make a pregnancy ticker