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In-Law Drama
This past weekend, my FIL was talking to me and somehow it turned into him going through everything my husband's family doesn't like about me & he expects a bunch of apologies on Christmas including:
- apologizing that there weren't enough pictures taken of my husband's side
- that I am the reason why my husband doesn't spend any time with his family
- I asked my husband's mother if they were doing a mother son dance
- I did not thank my SIL enough for helping with Easter dinner 2 years ago (I send a thank-you note and thanked her profusely in front of everyone)
Perhaps I am being brash, but I do not feel that I owe apologies. I have always gone out of my way to include my in-laws in everything we do; whereas, my husband neglects to invite them and include them. My parents have an outstanding relationship with my husband and treat him like another son; however, I do not have that relationship with my in-laws.
I am on the fence about seeing his family on Christmas because I do not feel welcomed at all by them, especially when they are expecting for apologies for things that I have aplogized for or are out of my control (i.e., our wedding photos).
I am not sure how to proceed nor do I know how to rectify this situation. Perhaps it is my emotions talking, but I think I could be okay isolating myself from his family for now.
Re: In-Law Drama
Don't apologize for a thing. You have done nothing wrong.
Also are you certain that everyone in the family feels the exact way that your FIL described. Could he have misunderstood, exaggerated or taken some things out of context ? I just ask because one time my littlest sister had an argument with another sister and pretty much unloaded on her all of her frustrations and made it seem that the rest of the family felt the same way, which was untrue. I know I certainly didn't feel that way.
How was the relationship with your ILs before your FIL said this ? Was what he said a shock to you ?
Now if your ILs are genuinely rude to you, than yes I would limit my time with them, especially since that isn't how you want to spend your holidayd.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
We really need to know what your H is going to do about this.
I wouldn't be going to see them this Holiday or any ever until I received an apology. If my H went or didn't stand up for me I would be thinking long and hard about our marriage.
Also, know if you give in and apologize this time, you will be spending the rest of your life apologizing to them for existing on this earth. This IS the hill to die on.
Ditto everyone else. How is your H behaving?
To that thing your FIL said you should have replied that he IS spending time with his family since YOU are his family.
This is outrageous behavior on your FIL's part. I would absolutely not consider giving them apologies and I don't think I would go to their house for the holidays. It sounds to me like your Christmas will be much more enjoyable if you and your H go elsewhere.
But, here's the thing---any man worth being called your H, if he heard that his father was confronting his wife when she was alone, telling her what the family does not like about her and listing various offenses, demanding apologies, etc. should be effing LIVID.
So I did not see the part where your H called his father and reamed him out for his behavior. Your H needs to man up and deal with this, STAT.
I am so sorry this happened, it was very mean of your FIL.
Yeah, I wouldn't say this. It would only do more damage and honestly, is a pretty hurtful thing to say.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
I wholeheartedly agree that you and your husband should spend Christmas elsewhere, and let them know with no uncertainty that the reason that you are spending it away from them is that his father made you feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. (your husband should be letting them know this)
Although I'd also be somewhat tempted to go with a full list to read out on Christmas morning in front of them all and your husband of your grievous offenses and "sincere" apologies, as dramatic as possible,
Then, as they are all red with rage and humiliation, present them with a detailed list of their individual offenses that you expect apologies for at Easter and then walk out.
But I'd probably just opt not to go, instead, and spend the holiday with my husband having a great time on our own.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
I am glad to hear that your H was furious and has a call in to your FIL.
I'd love an update after that conversation! I hope it goes well.