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Issues with Confidence/Loss of Job/Depression
My husband and I got married over the summer, and I am super happy with our relationship. However, We both lost our jobs, and are staying with my less than pleased mother. She is constantly getting on his back about job hunting, and openly criticizes my choice in men saying he is going to be the "sit at home, never getting a job type." He has even shown the applications he fills out, though she acts like he does nothing. She hasn't asked me about employment, though she brings up that I will be the "bread-winner" because he can't get or keep any job. This has been hard on us both, as his confidence is being destroyed by the constant "you are never going to amount to anything" he hears every moment my mother is around. But this is just the beginning.
I suffer from severe depression, and this stress has increased my sudden depressive states. I cannot take any anti-depressants due to weight gain side effects and allergies to dyes in the medications. I see that my mood doesn't help him feel better, in fact it sends us both into a depressed state. And now, I finally have an interview for a job, which made him feel like he cant take care of me (due to my mother rubbing it in his face).
How can I help my hubby? And does anyone have any advice for my depression?
Re: Issues with Confidence/Loss of Job/Depression
I am so sorry to hear about the stress you and your hubby are going through. I truly sympathize because I know how tough it can be to be in job limbo and to have a difficult mother. And living under her roof surely doesn't help things...
I think you need to sit your mother down without your husband and try to explain to her as calmly as you can that all she is doing by putting you and your husband down is hurting your relationship as mother and daughter. Its natural for her to worry, but you need to tell her how much this is hurting you. You are already under enough stress and pressure. Tell her what you need is her love and support. And while she may be worried or disappointed about your husband's current job prospects, she needs to keep those feelings to herself.
Right now you and your husband need to be a team and try to block out the negative. You have to believe that everything will work out and you need to encourage one another.
Perhaps, you could have a heart to heart with your mom. Make sure you talk to her in private and not in front of your husband. Possibly prepare a few pointers you would like to touch on and offer alteratives for them. This way, you will be ready when she asks for examples of negative actions/words.
As for career leads, I think searching the internet for interviewing tips,how to market oneself to potential employers, and joining a business network such as Linkedin would help. I believe also attending a job seminar, applying at a staffing agency, and volunteering in an area or interest and/or in your field of expertise would be positive. Volunteering gives you the opportunity to show off you work ethic. Who knows? The nonprofit you volunteer for may have a vancany and offer you a job on the spot.
As for the depression disorder, I am a little concerned. I don't think anti-depressants are the only way to deal with depression, but it is something that needs to be addressed. Have you tried St John's Wort? It is used largely in Germany, as well as other European countries to treat depression. If you don't like taking things in pill form, Yogi Tea makes a St John's Wort tea.
I also believe that no amount of medicine can get you out of your funk if you stay in the same enviroment that is bringing you down. So, even if you have a discussion with your mom and she refuses to see error in her ways, try not to let it get to the two of you so much. Try to learn to strug it off and put things in a different, more positive perspective. I also think meditation and exercise (even if it is just walking around the neighborhood or the city park) can help relieve depression.
Also, do something fun.Take a break from job-seeking and have a picnic in the park. Do you like to dance? Bring your ipod or jam box with you and dance in the open & fresh air with your husband
Also, think of this job seeking as an opportunity to switch careers if need be. If there is something you feel you have a nack for or a passion for, now is the time to address it.
Not only is being positive important for your well beings, it is also essential for the interview process. Employers are more drawn to positive, confident, energetic candidates. Fake it if you have to when you go to your interview. If you protray yourself to possess these attributes and the interview goes well, you will have a major ego boost!!!
Perhaps reading some self-help books would help too. If you have an e-reader, you may be able to get some digital books for free.
Since you are both living under her roof she doesn't have to change and you can't get away from her. Honestly, I would live under the I-90 bridge before I'd live with my MIL.
Your H needs to get a job, any job, so do you. It's much easier sometimes to find a job you want when you have a job. UPS, always needs loaders, retail is always hiring- be willing to take shifts no one wants & grocery stores usually need stockers.
If he is willing to do this, fingers crossed you get this job, you two need to move out.
Talking to her won't do any good. She doesn't want you two living with her, it's obvious. Good Luck!