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Xmas gifts...
I already know I will be flamed for this for being selfish but I don't care, I just need a place to vent.
About 2 weeks ago, my husband came to me and said he wanted to buy himself a Christmas gift that would be from me- I agreed. I still felt the need to buy him something from me that he didn't have a hand in choosing so I picked up a couple more things that he's been needing.
Last week, I bought a new robe for myself (couldn't resist the sale!) and he insisted that would be his Christmas present to me from him, so it was wrapped and put under our tree.
The other night I had asked if he spent anymore money on extras (Christmas gifts) so I could keep track of our money. He said no and a few moments later I asked again just to make sure. After checking our bank statement, he has not spent any extra money and here's my problem...
Is it that hard to stop by the mall that is on your way home (literally passes right by it) and pick something out for me? Give me something that I didn't have a hand in choosing or actually bought for myself? Am I asking too much? I want to feel special too. Even a flipping card would work for me, flowers, picture frame, anything to know he thought about me just a little. Am I only good for picking up your dirty @ss clothes and cooking dinner?
Grr.
Re: Xmas gifts...
Totally understand your frustration. After you've spent time and effort on something for someone, it's irritating when they don't spend any time or effort on you at all.
Is he the type that might surprise you? Could he have had some cash that he used that wouldn't show up on the bank statement? Is he the type that might have made something for you? Is he enough of a planner that he might already have something he bought months ago? If the answer is no, please don't get your hopes up dreaming about the wonderful things he could have done. I've hurt myself that way, fantasizing about what someone might do only to be let down again.
I was ranting to a friend about my Christmas gift debacles the other day. After I got all done (it was a long rant) my friend says to me, "So, what you're saying is that gift giving is not your love language." Funny, but a real a-ha moment for me. Does he usually have a difficult time picking out gifts for you? This might just be the way he is.
Have you mentioned anything to him? "I'd really like a surprise on Christmas. It would mean a lot to me if you picked out something for me that I didn't buy for myself. I know I can be hard to buy for, so here's a couple ideas if you need them..." Don't hint around.
Did you guys talk about whether or not you were exchanging presents aside from those you picked out for yourself? Because if not, I think expecting him to be a mind reader is a bit much.
My husband isn't the type to think of that kind of thing on his own and generally feels like forced gift giving on holidays is stupid. So if I want something, I tell him a month beforehand that I'd like him to pick something out for me and I'll get him something. If I don't, I don't say anything and neither of us gets the other a present.
I would be irked too. Communicate with him. Not in a flustered or emotional way. Just calmly tell him what you did for him and why. State how much it would mean to you if he did the same. Sometimes guys aren't that observant or thoughtful. They need a reminder. It's still not to late for him to pick up some stuff for you.
ETA: also does this have something to do with the kind of gift he picked out vs the one you got? Yours was a robe that was on sale. Was he eyeing his gift for a while and how much was it? Maybe I missed what he got.
This. I'm guilty of doing it all the time, but unfortunately men aren't mind readers. I wish I could expect him to know what I'd want him to do, but that's not fair.