Trouble in Paradise
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

'Tis the season to drop things -- I see another DD

There were only 2 replies, mine and another Nestie's ---

Here is the deal: she is 20 and wants to move in with a boyfriend. Guy is a college grad, can't find a job in his major field...and he's in debt.

He has suggested they do it with the help of roommates. The DDer thinks that's a no go; she vants to be alone vith him.

That ain't her problem: her problem is his debt -- and if there is debt other than that of his student loan, I suggest she rethink this guy.

If he is pissing up money now, he always will.

And oh yeah, she was concerned he was so distant lately...which is why she posted.

Distant? Who cares about distant --- she overlooked the fact he is in a lot of debt.

I suggested that she ask him straight away how he acquired the debt and how much debt exactly he has. And if he won't fess up, run like hell right away.

Re: 'Tis the season to drop things -- I see another DD

  • I had actually replied to her today too.  Guess she doesn't like hearing reality.
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • At 20 all you think of is looooooove.

    We tried. And we were not nasty about it --- if he can't pull his weight financially now, how is he going to do it, even with roommates??

    That's not going to eradicate the fact that he can't save and spend money wisely.
  • imageTarponMonoxide:

    If he is pissing up money now, he always will.

    Distant? Who cares about distant --- she overlooked the fact he is in a lot of debt.

    I suggested that she ask him straight away how he acquired the debt and how much debt exactly he has. And if he won't fess up, run like hell right away.

     

    I actually disagree.  He's twenty, just out of college and racked up a lot of debt in a time period when he didn't have an income.  I'm sure it was on stupid stuff that doesn't matter in the long run, but plenty of people learn from their mistakes.  Just because he's irresponsible now doesn't mean he always will be - and I'm speaking from personal experience.

    I also wouldn't be in the habit of laying my finances out there for a move-in girlfriend.  Fiance?  Future partner in life?  Person whose finances would be tied to mine forever?  Absolutely.  But boyfriend?  Meh.  I would want to know that he could pay rent every. single. month. but I don't think he's under any obligation to disclose every bit of his debt to me.

    What would matter MOST to me was that he was taking the steps to take responsibility for the debt, not the fact that he has it.  Get a job waiting tables if you must, but start paying it off immediately and actively protect yourself from incurring any more.  If boyfriend is not interested in that, then I think boyfriend has serious problems and breaking up with him is definitely in order.

  • imageJoy2611:
    imageTarponMonoxide:

    If he is pissing up money now, he always will.

    Distant? Who cares about distant --- she overlooked the fact he is in a lot of debt.

    I suggested that she ask him straight away how he acquired the debt and how much debt exactly he has. And if he won't fess up, run like hell right away.

     

    I actually disagree.  He's twenty, just out of college and racked up a lot of debt in a time period when he didn't have an income.  I'm sure it was on stupid stuff that doesn't matter in the long run, but plenty of people learn from their mistakes.  Just because he's irresponsible now doesn't mean he always will be - and I'm speaking from personal experience.

    I also wouldn't be in the habit of laying my finances out there for a move-in girlfriend.  Fiance?  Future partner in life?  Person whose finances would be tied to mine forever?  Absolutely.  But boyfriend?  Meh.  I would want to know that he could pay rent every. single. month. but I don't think he's under any obligation to disclose every bit of his debt to me.

    What would matter MOST to me was that he was taking the steps to take responsibility for the debt, not the fact that he has it.  Get a job waiting tables if you must, but start paying it off immediately and actively protect yourself from incurring any more.  If boyfriend is not interested in that, then I think boyfriend has serious problems and breaking up with him is definitely in order.



    There is a guy I know who graduated 2 years ago.Major was education. He can't find a full time teaching job. So he's working as an aide minus benefits.

    You do what you have to do. And you pay off what debt you owe.
  • I swear, I'll never understand why someone posts something and then deletes it! Do they expect for everyone to reply with rainbows and sunshine?! Uggh!!
  • At 20, I sure didn't think about love or moving in with someone. I was busy partying and meeting different guys. I think OP should worry about his debt because he's too young to have so many financial issues right now.
  • imagevpine:
    At 20, I sure didn't think about love or moving in with someone. I was busy partying and meeting different guys. I think OP should worry about his debt because he's too young to have so many financial issues right now.

     20 20 or some other news program did a profile about college kids and credit card debt.  This was a very long time ago; they talked about how kids rack up credit very easily and how easy it is to get a card during college years.

    I blame some of it on reckless youth and a lot of it on parents who don't teach kids how to save a dollar. 

     

  • If they move in together and they have their names on any bills together she better give a *** about his debt and why he is in it! Are you kidding me...his debt and his actions can affect her the rest of her life...but yweah i  know it isnt important!


  • When I was 20 I had managed to find myself in debt to the tune of about $6000 which was a lot with my Subway paychecks.  Some of it was from paying for my school books but then a lot of it was from stupidity.  I was trying to get it paid down really quick so I would put my whole paycheck towards it and then have to use my card again to put gas in my car and buy my lunch which made it really easy to spend more than what I was paying on it.  Finally when I got my taxes back I was able to pay a good chunk down and was lucky enough that my husband (then boyfriend) was willing to help me to get it paid down.  We were not engaged or even living together so he didn't just pay it off for me but rather he loaned me the money to pay it off and then I paid him back.  I like to think of myself as being very responsible with money now and I actually tend to do a better job at saving money than he does!  One little mistake can quickly turn into a giant mistake when it comes to credit cards!  If all he has is credit card debt and maybe a car loan then I wouldn't be too worried about it but if he has lots more than that then I would reconsider moving in with him.  I agree though that he shouldn't have to sit down and account for every single dollar of debt that he has beyond the basic $X in cc debt, $x in student loans and $x in a car loan. 
    photo 769dde2a-c564-460c-ba30-82a19d2460da_zps5fb91eed.jpg
    Anniversary 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 

    Pregnancy Ticker

    Congrats to my GP Sister from another mister Bruinsbabe!!
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards