name change

cyndietb

i cannot decide on what tochange my name to. we have been married almost 4 months and i cannot decide. i have had complete identity crisis with losing mine and taking his. i know that i am giong to keep my 3 birth names and add his ( first middle maiden hislast) but its just a matter if i move my maiden to my second middle name or my first last name. husband does not care and supports me because he can imagine how hard it is to actually go through with a name change when i asked him if we could both hyphenate he quickly realized how big of a deal it can be for some. we do want kids and we have already decided that our kids will have my maiden name as their middle name. its just a matter of what i am doing with my name. i am highly indecisive and fear that no matter my decision i will have some form of regret or sadness whether its no longer going by my maiden name or not being traditional and just taking his. i know that there are so many options i just cannot decide. i almost wish someone would just tell me "this is what you have to do" so do it!

Jim&Jaime

Well, there's nothing that says you have to do it right away or ever. I did change my name, but chose to keep my maiden name as well. I can use either and/or both if I want, and use my maiden for work. Keep in mind that, if you hyphenate, you always have to use both, but if you don't hyphenate, and have four names, it's your choice what to use.

BeckyOff

Is there a reason you need to get it done right now?  Can you wait?

I changed my name with the idea that it would make things easier when we had kids.  Years later - no kids in sight.  Wish I wouldn't have gone through the hassle since the only reason I did it in the first place (kids) does not apply.

Also, lots of people will give you crap either way you go (change, don't change, hyphenate, etc.)  Other people are just going to assume what you did, and call you that regardless of how many times you correct them.  My sister doesn't know what my name is- I have the Christmas cards from her to prove it.  Whatever you do, you'll get mail to Mr & Mrs Hislastname and Cyndie Hislastname. 

3LittleBirds12

I'm in the same boat you are.  Our names have been our identity since we were born!  No wonder why we are so attached, it is who are are.  I am slowly getting used to the idea of having a new name.  I haven't changed my name legally, but several girls at work know my new  name will call me by it randomly.  This is helping me get used to the idea.  I still like my maiden name better though  

I figured I would wait at least a year to change it.  However, I am feeling the pressure from my DH.  He mentions it all the time.  It's almost like he doesn't feel our marriage is complete without us having the same name.  

And, not to mention the big PITA it is to change our names!  I think I may take the plunge and take a day off of work to go change my name.  New year, new name.  It won't be easy, but I can do it for my husband and hopefully our future family.  This is what will work for us.   I know some married couples who have different last names.  I think either way as fine, as long as it works for the both of you.  Good luck!

cyndietb

how do choose which last name to use in what situation? i don't care about being known as "mrs. hislast" but at the same time i want people to know i'm still "mylast" too. people have already begun to assume Mrs hislast and that's fine i want to be known as that but for my own sake/sanity i feel like i need to have mylast hislast. do you correct people on your name? are you constantly signing a long name? - sorry for all the questions. none of my friends have kept their maiden names so i really have no info on how it works if you keep maiden name and add his. i don't think i would hyphen my names but i also don't know how to go about the whole 2 last name thing. i have an argument for each side but can't stick to a side.....

chiualover

If I married again I would never change my name.

I went back to my maiden name after my divorce,

I wished I had never changed it in the first place.

Other countries don't do this. It is very patriarical.

 

jessica290

So I was in the same boat about changing last names...in the begining I was so set on taking hubby's last name but keeping my maiden name as a second middle name because I didn't want to loose my identity...but in the end I didn't want to have to sign all those names in one signature so I just took his last name and got over it really quickly....I try to think of it as he's such a great guy, that yea I am his and nobody else gets him so I'm taking on his name...it's only a name really when you think about it....nothing about your identity changes...you just have to get used to signing a new last name.

anssett

I love my name. I'm keeping my name. I gave my fiance the choice of keeping his own or taking mine. Me taking another name was never on the table. 

 

If you feel that sense of connection to your name don't change it.  

srgw

I changed my last name to my H's and didn't turn my maiden name into my middle name or hyphenate. I figure as long as my maiden name gets passed down somehow, I'm good. My sister named her son our maiden name as his first name. (Our maiden name is widely accepted as a first, middle or last name.)

 When I got married my H and I became a family. I like that we share his last name and it's not a big deal to me that I changed my name. It took me a while to get use to it, but I wouldn't have it any other way now.

In the end though, do what's comfortable to you.

Raeily

Personally, I was really excited to take my husband's name... still haven't done it over a year later though because I never seem to find the time, but most people call me by it. 

That being said, it's totally up to you what you do and there is NO rush to make a decision. Don't feel pressured to do anything.  

vpine

Personally, I was excited to change my last name and take on hubby's, I had everything changed to new last name within weeks of marriage. There were no issues or difficulties getting name changed on license, ss, etc. I'm traditional and not changing my last name was not even a thought or doubt, it's just something I was happy to do. 

quiltedinky

When my brother got married my SIL hyphenated her last name. Come to find out my brother had really wanted her to take his name.

I didn't get married until I was 32, and was rather fond of my maiden name. My husband refused to change his last name and I wanted to keep my own some how. I was going to hyphenate but when I was filling out the social security form I told him that it was his last chance to voice his opinion about my last name. He wanted me to have the same last name as him, so I dropped my middle name (never used it any way), took my maiden name as my middle name and took on his last name.My paternal grandmother had done the same thing with her name (First name, Maiden name, Married name).

Only problem I had was when I went to the DMV to change my license they didn't change my middle initial and when I caught it I didn't go back fast enough to fix it and I was told that I had to have my name legally changed by a judge for the initial to be fixed even though I showed them my marriage license as the reason for the change. Needless to say, I don't stress about ONE wrong letter on my license.

I've worked at the same place for over 5 years and been married for a year and a half. I can tell when my supervisors forget what my new last name is. I still have one co-worker that still calls me Miss Maiden Name. Or she calls me Mrs Maiden Name and I tell her that's my mom. LOL 

littlemisswitness

vpine:

Personally, I was excited to change my last name and take on hubby's, I had everything changed to new last name within weeks of marriage. There were no issues or difficulties getting name changed on license, ss, etc. I'm traditional and not changing my last name was not even a thought or doubt, it's just something I was happy to do. 

I feel exactly the same way. Sure it was a bit of a hassle, but I love the decision I made. The hardest part for me was remembering to sign it like that! lol

thursdaychild121

I know how you feel... in fact, I could have written this post not too long ago because I said a lot of the exact things you mentioned! We were married in November, so just under 2 months ago, but I decided right before Christmas that I was going to hyphenate with H's last name. He was totally fine with whatever decision I came to - it honestly didn't bother him in the slightest that I was considering not changing my name. My paternal grandma gave me a lot of crap for my decision and I know people will judge me behind my back (surprisingly, his parents/brother have been 100% supportive). I was told flat-out by my MOH that she was going to refer to me with his last name, regardless of my decision (disrespectful and rude IMO). Yes, it'll be a pain to sign the hyphenated last name on every legal document, and I realize people will mostly call me Mrs. Hislastname (already get some of that already). It was important for me to keep my maiden name, though, and the hyphenation seemed like the best option for me: In NJ, you can't make your maiden name your middle name without a court order, and I wasn't about to go through all that. In the end, it's all about what feels most comfortable to you. You could just legally keep your last name and go by his last name socially, which some women do. Good luck in your decision!

jen_porcaro

I feel the same way, I got married in October 2012 and still haven't changed my last name. I LOVE my last name and his last name is my mother's maiden name so it's a little difficult for me. But I will eventually hyphenate not sure when but we are about to buy a house together and it would be easy if our last name is the same..........ahhhhhhhhhh............ I don't know what to do either.

Whatever your decision I'm sure he will love you just the same