Sex & Romance
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
UGH
Does the fascination with video games ever end? Is it something that I'm always going to have to compete with? I am always talking to him about it, to the point that is is now nagging and I hate it. I have sat him down and had serious conversations with him about how it majorly effects our relationship. He tries and it will go well for about 2 or three months, then it starts all over. The problem is it is BF3 live with his friends, so it's not a game that you can "beat". I don't mind if he plays in moderation, but each game takes around an hour and as soon as his friends text him he's up and on, even after a couple hours of sleep. Yesterday he played for 12i-sh hours straight, leaving me to my computer. I already talked to him about it, but I've seen this show before..so again..does this phase ever pass? (he's 22)
Re: UGH
If you are not, say goodbye to him. You do not need a boyfriend who is intensely into gaming --- how many hours was he playing???? When does this guy do things around the house, sleep or go to work or to school???
Enough of this bull's enough: if you are only dating, find somebody else to date.
If you are married to him, it's a bit tougher. I strongly suggest you sit him down for a talk and make it clear that the excessive gaming must go.
If he won't oblige, he's also pretty much telling you he doesn't care how you feel.
It could very well be he has an addiction to gaming. If that is the case, I'd say goodbye to him. Any addiction, including gaming, is a dealbreaker. GL.
Sounds like he's backsliding. Just so you know, it will only get worse if you marry him. If the excessive gaming isn't something you can put up with for the next 30 years, then you need to make a clean break and find a more compatible partner.
He is still rather young and may not have his priorities in the right place. But really men never grow out of that...my husband plays a lot too, but we talked about it before we got married and came to an agreement. He always asks me if it is ok and I have the last say if I want him to stop.
One of the ways that we do connect while he is into games is I will either watch (as long as it is an interesting game) or I have started playing his games a little by myself or with him. This has been good because I now know what he is talking about! Is this something you would be willing or able to try?
Above all, communication is key in every relationship, so try and have another very serious talk. And tell him all that you feel. (Even your thoughts of leaving) but don't make it an ultimatum. That never ends well for either person!
Good luck!
Thank you all for your insight and advice. I looked at some other threads of individuals asking about the same issue and it sounds like what has worked is sitting down and have a serious talk and actually schedule time. I'm doing some heavy thinking about the situation and have tried talking to him bout it. When I bought it up, he pretty much shuts down and only says "but my my friends, but my game.." and we can't get to the point of actually putting anything in stone. So I laid it all out there, including the fact that I'm ready to throw the thing out the window. I'm going to let his actions speak and make the choice for him.
Truthwithin..I wouldn't mind playing the game with him, but we only have one controller, he plays online with his friends (I believe you can only have one person in the qeue (sp) ) and he has no sense of moderation.
When my husband and I went through pre-marital counseling we discussed this issue in depth. The problem with video gaming is that it is a form of addiction when it reaches that point. My husband will do the same thing. He can wean himself off of the games and not play at all for 2 or 3 months, but then he will play them constantly again. It is no different from food addictions, tobacco, porn, etc... unfortunately.
My husband and I have had to have several serious discussions about the video games. I have explained to him that WE can not grow in intimacy if he is constantly doing his own thing. Luckily I'm married to a man who is mature enough to understand this. He enjoys playing video games and I have my own hobbies I enjoy. We came to a middle ground where I will play video games with him a couple nights a week (even though it is not my favorite thing in the world) and he will go out to dinner with me or watch a movie with me the other nights a week. This way he still gets to play video games - and we will even play on xbox live with his friends so he can get "guy time" - but we also get to do things that I enjoy. It has been very good for us - video games can actually be kind of fun bonding time if you let it! Plus, he thinks its hot that I have actually gotten pretty good at it
haha
BUT he is still willing to meet my needs and spend some quality time with me, and that's what makes it work. Explain to him that a relationship is about each of you putting the other first- you are willing to meet his needs but you have needs that are different from his.