Me days

ginas3365

I need some advice....I've been married for 8 months, I am older, 2nd marriage (1st was 25 yrs & ended in death), my husband's 1st marriage. We are both in our mid 40s.

He insists that he needs "me" time every Sunday, then stays out longer than planned & comes home drunk & we fight. Most of the time he won't answer his phone,which I don't call until he's already late.

Am I wrong to get upset?  Then then next time he wants to go, I get upset before hand.

athlete010688

I personally don't think you're wrong to get upset.  I understand the "me" time.  Guys need time to unwind and be by themselves just like we do.  My issues would the coming home drunk and being out longer than planned and not answering his phone.  I can't stand it when DH starts drinking - he starts to become an a3s and acting like I'm his slave/b1tch.  Luckily he very seldom drinks a lot.  But back to your issue, no, I don't think it's wrong for you to be upset that he stays out longer (without calling and letting you know he's okay, etc) and that he comes home drunk.

Samboni

No, you're not wrong to be unhappy with his behavior. Is he also drunk driving? I'm a firm believer in "me time." However, it has to be respectful to the other spouse. He's disrespectful to you and your marriage. You really need to have a talk with him on a day when this isn't happening. Maybe discuss how you feel over dinner on a weekday and let him know that you're unhappy. Talks like this seem to have better outcomes if done when you're both sober and calm. Have you tried talking about it in that type of setting?

EastCoastBride

He should be able to have his "me" time, but... yes, he should come home when he says, he SHOULD NOT be drunk (IS HE DRIVING?!?!?!), and he needs to have his phone on.

But I have a feeling some of this is "what came first, the chicken or the egg?".  Does he not turn his phone on because he knows you'll start to call incessently? Did he come home late once and you got pissed w/o bothering to listen to why?  Or did he call and say he'd be late and you got pissed? 

I'm just playing devil's advocate for a moment. 

At a minimum, my advice is to try and start fresh.  Tell him "I know you want your SUnday.  I want you to have it and I don't want it to be issue.  All I ask is to tell me, realistically, when you'll be home.  AND if that looks like it will change, call me and let me know so that I won't worry (and you need to be chill about it).  Oh, and here's $40 - take a cab if you're going to drink".

Then let him go and see how it flushes out. if he doesn't come home and doesn't call - then proceed from there and discuss the issues at hand.  It boils down to respect.  He should RESPECT his wife enough to let you know what's going on.

MLE2010

Is he driving drunk? If so, call the police on his a$$ and get a divorce before he gets you sued or worse. He sounds like a mean drunk, does he get drunk and nasty on the regular? Sounds like he has a drinking problem. 

Are you maybe still grieving for your first spouse? How long did you date your currant H? I hope you leave this drunk and get into counseling so you can live the rest of your life happy.

Sewilson33

I would be livid if DH's "me time" consisted of getting plastered and stumbling home. I am all for "me time," I like having my own "me time." BUT, that does not mean that either one of us can go out and get drunk as skunks every time we are apart.

srgw

Sewilson33:

I would be livid if DH's "me time" consisted of getting plastered and stumbling home. I am all for "me time," I like having my own "me time." BUT, that does not mean that either one of us can go out and get drunk as skunks every time we are apart.

This.

I don't drink and my H does. H hasn't gotten drunk since his immature college days. He also keeps his phone on (and answers when I call) and calls/texts if he's going to be out later than our agreed upon time. That's what responsible adult people do.

Sorry for your H problem. I hope sitting down and talking with him helps.

KenziK

I think you have every reason to be upset, I know that I would be. I understand "me" time, but I would not be okay with my DH going out every weekend and getting drunk, all while ignoring my calls/texts and showing up late. You should consider talking about this with YH at a time when he is not drunk, and try to come up with some sort of compromise. It could be that when he goes out he needs to have his phone on and volume up and that he needs to respond within a certain matter of time. And if he will be late he needs to let you know. If he does what you request, then at least you know that he is okay and maybe it will help with the fighting every Sunday. He needs to keep in mind that he is married and should take your feelings into consideration, it's not all about him anymore.