Married Life
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Newlywed Couple Friends
Is it just me or does it seem there aren't many couples that don't like hanging with other couples? My H and I are fun! (at least I think so), but our "friends" are either too tired from wrangling parenthood or they don't have the same idea of fun as we do. I'm not saying we need to hang every weekend, but we wouldn't mind hanging every once in awhile. We don't have kids yet, and that seems to be the issue. Do older couples have couple friends? Maybe I watch too much TV....
kH
Re: Newlywed Couple Friends
I used to always think 'when I get married, we'll hang out with other married couples and have fun' but now that we're married, that's not the case - in our situation, friends are still single and living the club and drinking life that we no longer care to do. So it's just me and him most of the time or out with my parents which isn't exactly the same but will do for now.
Now I think 'when we have kids, we'll hang out with other married couples that have kids and kids can play together and have fun' - we'll see how that turns out.
we really have one close " couple friend" and we see them every other week or so, always going to their house since they have kids and we don't so it's easier on them to not have to find a sitter, etc.
however, that doesn't stop us from having a very active social life. We're involved in a lot of clubs (Slow Food, home brewers, running on an off, church) and go to foodie and beer events around town so we see a lot of the same people frequently. I find we have more in common with empty nesters than people our own age since we are childfree.
You need to focus on what you're interested in and then maybe you'll meet people that way. You aren't going to just randomly meet "couple friends".
But what is it about your friends from before you got married that suddenly changed about THEM that now that YOU are married - you can't/don't wnat to hang out w/ them?
This is truly a concept that I don't understand. We're still friends w/ the people we were friends w/ before marriage (some married, some w/ kids, and some still single) - because our friendships are based in shared interests. Not our marital status. We've made new friends over the years, but simply because we're social people and like to meet new people. Not because we now seek out "couple friends".
As for kids - I will say that kids truly does give you more of a common ground to meet new people. THe hospital where I gave birth has a moms club where many people met other moms w/ kdis the same age.
I live in a neighborhood w/ a lot of kids DS's age. But I'm friends w/ the moms more because we - the parents - really like one another and have fun outside of our kids. It's not just "oh- you have a kid, let's be friends!!!". We almost socialize more without our kids than we do with the kids - and when we do hang out, whether the kids are there or not - we actually don't talk about our kdis all that much.
At the same time, while I live in a very social neighborhood - we still all have our own busy lives w/ our own friends, family commitments, jobs, etc. We actually don't see each other ALL that much. Us all having kids doesn't mean the rest of our lives have disappeared and we have tons of free time to hang out w/ one another.
I'm not trying to be snarky - I'm just trying to be honest to put your expectations in a more realistic place. Being "married" isn't in and of itself common ground to becoming friends. Having kids is more of a common ground, but it's not necessarily enough. THere has to be more behind it.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
We have one close "couple" friend. They are super awesome and we get together about 2 or 3 times a month for cooking together and playing board games.
But they are moving to Colorado in August and I just hate it!!! (If there was a little smiley face that was frowning, crying, and throwing a fit I would enter it here)
OP, I do think TV shows give us unrealistic expectations about adult friendships!
For my husband and I, it's sort of about couple friends but also about local friends in general. When we were in college, and both in Greek life, we had an endless supply of friends to hang out with at any given moment. Then, we graduated, came home, and had our smaller group of friends who also came back. Now that we are a little older and establishing our own home, in our suburban neighborhood, most of our friends, single, dating, or married, are living in the city, whether it be for job proximity or social opportunities. This means that if we want to see them, we have to take a train and make a night out of it (maybe staying over). So, while we do still have friends, we don't have much of a social life unless we are willing to travel.
It sounds like you and some of your friends have grown to have different interests, and that is definitely something that happens over time. Maybe you will grow to share interests again, maybe not. It certainly doesn't help you right now. I still hold onto those friends of mine though because I am sure we'll come back around. My grandparents met friends when they were young by going to church. My husband and I go but we don't really see couples our age. People also say once you have children, you will meet people, and while you may not like every parent, my mom did make a best friend this way. In today's world, people work long hours and life is very digital, so I do think there are less opportunities for randomly making friends. I wish I had an answer for you, because I'd share it with myself!
We only have one set of couple friends. By that I mean one couple where we both enjoy hanging out with them. Before we had kids we always got together at least once a month. Now they have a daughter a month younger than our son so we still get together but it's more picnics and playing and less drunken nights out.
Kids change things a lot. It's expensive and annoying to get a sitter and I always assume people without children have no desire for their 'night out' to be trying not to trip over toys at my house while we wrangle the kiddo to sleep.
Thanks East Coast for the response. I totally understand having realistic expectations. We still have our single friends here in the city, but most of our couple friends are located in another city. We see them maybe once every 2 months depending on the occasion. I have several single friends as do my husband, but for some reason they think now they can't hang with us because they will be the 3rd wheel. We have never encouraged this, so I'm unsure where they gathered that idea.
That's great that you live in a social neighborhood, but we don't. I'm a social butterfly and my other half is more like a social caterpillar. I understand we won't randomly meet other couples, but I will focus on our interest. Thanks again!