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Different idea of "FUN"
Okay so don't really know off I'm over thinking everything of I'm just to emotional. My husband and I have been married for 7 years and we have 3 kids. A 7, 5, and 1 month old. I have never been a "party" person per say but I can occasionally have drink or two. Since I just had our 3rd baby I am breastfeeding him and don't want to stop just to go out and party. My husband and I are both 26 so still "young" I guess but unlike my husband I don't want to go out and drink with friends..i rather stay home with my kids and watch a movie. He doesn't want to go out all the time but I would say about every 3 weeks or so he'll go drink with his friends when I'm at home with the kids. Don't get me wrong he spends mostly all his time with us when he's not working but I get upset when he wants to go out. Is this normal? Not to mention when he goes out with his one guy friend that guy friends girlfriend are always with them. So more I get upset telling him his like a damn third wheel and he's far from that being married for 7 years with 3 kids! Idk.. Is it wrong to think like that? He says I don't trust him and I do but when there's alcohol involved I get worried. We have always been like this. What do you think? Also we just moved to where I'm from so he's very far from being home and is often homesick with no friends.
Re: Different idea of "FUN"
Unless I'm missing something here, I really don't see what the actual problem is. He spends most of the time that he's not at work with you and the kids, and roughly once a month he likes to go out with a friend, and you choose not to go with him. He's not excluding you, you're more than welcome to tag along, you just don't want to. Nothing wrong with not wanting to go, but it's not like he's leading some secret life that he's forbidding you from sharing with him.
As for the bolded part ... what do you really think is going to happen if he goes out for drinks with a buddy and his gf? That he's going to get wasted and end up having a 3-way with them, or bang the gf in the bathroom or something? I just don't get what you could possibly imagine happening when a guy (Who isn't showing any signs of being unhappily married or resenting being a dad) goes out with his friend and the friend's gf if "alcohol is involved" that has you so concerned.
Also? "I trust him, BUT" means "I don't actually trust him, but don't want to admit that". You either trust somebody, or you don't, there is no "but".
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
He's 26 and wants to go out once every 3 weeks, an dyou have a problem with this? Oy. No, this isn't normal. it's not about "partying", it's about wanting to see friends and maintaining friendships. Honestly, if I were you, I'd get a sitter for this one night and go w/ him.
And you're telling him that he's 3rd wheel???? Why? no, he's not. DH and I do a lot of things w/ single friends/ one person in a couple and WE sure as heck don't see them as a 3rd wheel. I don't know why you're assigning this concept. He's married and he can't go out w/ a buddy and the buddy's girlfriend? I don't see the issue.
If you're homesick, GOING OUT and meeting people is the perfect cure anyhow.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I agree with this. You need to hang out with friends as well. Once every 3 weeks is definitely not unreasonable.
TTC since June 2012
This. I would probably be miffed, too, if I never got a moment alone and MH got nights out once or twice a month. Maybe you can work out a monthly girls night, he can have a guys night, and you can get a sitter once or twice a month for a date night with just him.
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. Seussthis