Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Vent (lack of communcation)
Two months ago, MIL invited DH and I to go to TN with her to visit some family (her dad, and 2 of her brothers, and both of their wives/children). We went last year, but said that this would not be a good time for us. The trip was planned for early January, and that would be right around the time we would be closing on a home. Since then, the closing fell through, but we didn't bring up going to TN. We are trying to save every penny we can for closing costs/new paint/new furniture, since we put another offer on a different house since then, and are determined to buy a home soon.
Anyway.. Last night DH went over to IL's to play video games with his brother. He texted me asking if I still wanted to go to TN this year. I said "yes, but I think right now is not a good time, financially. The trip (for 4 days) will be almost $600!!! Why don't we wait until we actually get a house, and see how much fun money we have after a few purchases? Maybe we can shoot for early March, like we went last year." (He wants to go snow-boarding while we are there, so we need to make sure we get there before April). He said "I need to go see my grandfather. I'm going (with MIL) the 10th-13th. You don't have to come." I replied "I want to come- I didn't say I didn't want to. I said I don't think we can really afford it comfortably with all of the potential purchases coming up. Can I come?" He said "Of course you can come. To save money, you will just not go snow boarding with us." UMMMM, no! I love to board- I have only been once but I had a blast! I replied saying that wasn't a good solution, but he never said anything back. I went to bed while he was still gone (I had to work early this AM so I went to bed early). I woke up pretty annoyed, and when I got to work he asked what was wrong. I told him I was tired of him asking for my opinion on things when it's obvious he already has his mind made up and doesn't listen to me (this is a pretty common occurence). I wasn't mad- I just felt like he doesn't ever appreciate my point of view, so why bother asking me? Then he changed the subject back to snowboarding, to which I said "I never said I didn't want to go snow-boarding, and if we go to TN and I can't board, I am going to be more than a little upset." He replied "Fine." End of discussion. That was about two hours ago.
I just texted him asking when we would be leaving next Thursday, to see if I could just request half of a day off instead of a whole day. He said "Idk, ask mom." So I texted MIL and asked what time we'd be leaving, and she didn't even know we were going!!!! WTH! Why can't he ever COMMUNICATE!?!?! I am SO annoyed! So I asked him to buy our plane tickets today (he has the day off). And then he said "mom is buying them." So I said "no she isnt- she said she didn't even know we were going and now the sleeping arrangments are screwed up and we might need a hotel." He hasn't said a word.
I am just so annoyed!!!! Why can't he be a little more reliable?? Why can't he listen more and communicate better?! UGH!
Re: Vent (lack of communcation)
I'm sorry your DH is being difficult! This usually happens between DH and I but I ignore him for an hour then re-attempt to talk to him and he usually already has a plan in mind..
Give him an hour then re-attempt it..
Hopefully this helps girl!!
Thanks. I simply asked him to buy the tickets today or tomorrow and to get with his mom for details about carpooling to the airport (it's about 2 hours away). Then I told him to enjoy his day off and I'll see him when I get home. No texts since, which is nice, so now I can get some work done... as soon as I get off TN! lol
Haha, well see when DH and I are arguing and I say have a good day he says that really pisses him off!! Lol!! I don't know why but he says that's like me saying to not text him back so maybe that's why he didnt bother texting back.
Most of the time he is very considerate of my feelings/opinions- just not when it comes to money, unfortunately. When we first were together, I was horrible with money. I am not the best saver, and I still have a hard time sticking to a budget, so when I try to offer financial advice, I can see why he doesn't always listen.
As far as the trip goes: we are both going to TN and we are both snow-boarding while we are there. He told me he realized that was a poor solution to the problem and that $100 is not that big of a deal (to him) in the long run. It simply means waiting a little longer to get the dining room set we want. It's not a perfect system, but I'll take it. He knows how I feel about it and understands why I feel that way, and that's good enough for me.
And Bridget: I think he's fine now. He just texted me saying he's still the champion of video games and he's making me dinner tonight since he had the day off and I didn't.
See, I told you give him time. I think when anyone is mad you need to give them space and sooner or later they will find out how silly they are being! That's so awesome, I wish DH knew how to cook, my DH can even burn a noodle soup in the microwave, LOL!!
Glad the lack of respect is good enough for you. That dining set is only important to you. This isn't okay on so many levels, you may have had money problems before, but being married means a mutal unit on all issues including finances. You told him your thoughts and he completely ignored it for his own enjoyment. At some point this will be a bigger problem for you.
I don't think your husband sounds like a completely disrespectful guy, as others have suggested. However, he does sound immature. ANd I think you both fell down a little on this one.
If my H and I agreed not to take a certain trip, and then I suddenly got a text from H saying, "Hey, I decided to go anyway. You don't have to come," I wouldn't have responded through another text, and I wouldn't respond with, "Wait, I do want to come...can I come?" Instead, I would have picked up the phone and actually called, and asked H why the sudden change of heart when we already had a plan. If he was suddenly deadset on going on the trip, I would have suggested that we discuss the details later when we are both home. Then, in person, we could decide together whether to change our minds about the trip, whether or not we should both go, etc. At that point, one or both of us would call his parents/ family to report the new plans, so there would be no misunderstanding there.
It seems that there was a breakdown in communication in several places here. Nothing too serious, but maybe you could take steps to prevent it the next time.
The bolded. H and I will regularly start a conversation via text and then one or both of us will say "lets continue this discussion at home" and we do.