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High Sex drive but not enjoying sex
So my H and I have been married 9 months and love having sex. He jokes that hes happy I have such a high sex drive, and its true, I am (almost) always up for sex. My problem is once he's in I really do not enjoy it. I almost never experience any sexual pleasure even though I really desire it. Dont get my wrong, I LOVE our intimacy. But after a minute or two I feel like I just want sex to be over. But saying that, Im still so sexually charged that ones hes finished I wish that we could go again so that I can actually get pleasure. I am quite a go-go-go person and have a hard time mentally calming down enough to enjoy foreplay and generally feel uncomfortable during it rather than pleasured. He tried oral stimulation but I had a few yeast infections from it and that turned me off.
I dont want my H to sound like a horrible guy. We've talked about this and he's willing to do anything, I just dont know what to do either.
And because I know this will be asked, we were both virgins when we were married. I just feel like I am supposed to be enjoying sex a LOT more than I am.
I'm extremely mentally and sexually overwhelmed and frustrated and at a complete loss of what do to. HELP!
Re: High Sex drive but not enjoying sex
Ditto.
If you have not masturbated, start. We're guessing you've never masturbated or found out what makes you orgasm through masturbation.
What's the foreplay situation like? Do you know how to orgasm in general? Are you with him?
What it sounds like is every time you get a bit horny you've got a penis in you in 2 minutes flat. I wouldn't enjoy that either. If that's the case try prolonging everything. Get horny, then make on the couch for a few minutes, then take each other's clothes off and enjoy naked snuggling and touching for a while, then turn up the sexuality with oral sex, etc. It will take your body a while to catch up with your brain's desire for sex. Even adding lube isn't the same as your natural wetness responses. Lube is great, but foreplay is vital.
This!!!!!!!! You got to know yourself first...what does your body like, what areas are most sensitive etc. You got to know your own body first before anyone can try and please you.
Not true. I friggin suck at masturbating, but my partner does an amazing job. Good luck to you though
I sort of experienced this, too, when I got married, so I don't think you're going through anything strange. We were also virgins and I had a high sex drive but didn't get much pleasure from our intimacy. I think there are 3 things going on here:
1) You don't know how to pleasure yourself. He can't give you what you like if you don't even know what you like. If you don't already, learn to pleasure yourself and give yourself an orgasm. Use whatever means necessary- toys, fantasize, whatever. I promise this will really help with all the frustration you feel.
2) RELAX. You're so anxious and frustrated, that it is probably impossible for you to feel any enjoyment. It's crucial that a woman be relaxed in order to both orgasm and be conscious of sexual pleasure. So take the pressure off. There's nothing wrong with you, and there's nothing to worry about. It can take time to learn about your own sexuality and that's ok. Try channeling your energy into thinking sexy thoughts and fantasizing instead.
3) You both need a little more education. This was true in our case as well- especially for my husband. You also don't seem to realize that MOST women don't orgasm from intercourse alone and that it's not usually pleasurable without foreplay. You have to be really aroused to enjoy intercourse, and it sounds like you aren't giving your body the time and stimulation to catch up with your mind. Let him make you feel good, make out, cuddle, do whatever you need to build things slowly and naturally. If you don't like how he touches you, tell him what do differently and encourage him to learn about the female body and arousal on his own. Expect it take time for your body AND your mind to be really ready for sex. And like I said, don't expect to orgasm from intercourse alone.
Hope this helps!
Try using a vibrator during sex. Also take some time to sit down and really think about what turns you on. Maybe you're a little more daring and aggressive in the sac than you may think. Whatever makes you horny, don't be nervous, just tell your husband and go with it. Since you were both virgins you may not have been able to find out what REALLY stimulates you. So this is something you should really think about.
Also, try out some new things with your husband. It will be a good experience for you guys to discover what you want and really grow together sexually.
A sexy marriage is a happy marriage!