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Has anyone ever had a long-distance marriage? (kind of long)
Hey Nesties,
I was wondering if anyone could offer some advice. DH and I have been married for almost 3 years, and dated for 4 years prior to tying the knot. Our marriage is very strong, and before we got engaged we dated long-distance a few times (while apart during summers in college, apart for a few months while I traveled abroad, etc.) but have never been long distance for more than three months.
Since we've been married, we haven't been long distance at all. Now, an opportunity has come up for me to continue my education at a really great university in Europe. My professional goals are to continue with a career in academia - and living abroad for a while has always been a goal of mine - so I (and a lot of my college professors) think that this program would be a really great opportunity. The program is only one school year (about 10 months) long, and I would have breaks from school over the holidays and between the winter/spring sessions.
My DH recently found a great job that he really enjoys in the city where we currently live (Chicago). He wants to stay with the company and move up, but I'm weary of forgoing my dream in order for him to stay at his current job, since all of his plans are contingent upon "moving up," which isn't guaranteed to happen. However, I also don't want to ask him to give up a job he loves for me. Does that make sense? Now, a lot of people in his industry have ties to European companies (he works in the wine industry), so I've mentioned that he might be able to do something for the company while abroad, or at least find a connection to a potential job there. He is kind of afraid to ask, I think.
I've always believed that marriage enriches one's life, rather than confining people. Does anyone have any insight into long-distance marriage? We would only be apart for about 9 months - and he would take a few weeks off to come visit me during the holidays, while I would come home for a few weeks in the spring. I'm nervous to be apart from him for so long, but I don't think either of us want to ask the other to give up his/her dreams.
Thoughts?
Re: Has anyone ever had a long-distance marriage? (kind of long)
To me, 9 months apart would be totally worth it to pursue my dreams. I am currently living apart from my H, since last August. He is in the Air Force, so its fairly common for spouses to be apart from time to time, but the reason we are living apart is actually because of my education. I got into a doctorate program and he couldn't move with me yet, but will be able to come later this year (barring any military shenanigans).
For me, and for us, taking this opportunity was very important to us and the future of our family. I would have probably regretted it forever and he would have felt awful to keep me from doing it. The separation hasn't been too too hard (it does suck sometimes, but not like the end of the world or anything). Skype helps, and I stay super busy with school anyway, so its better than being bored and alone. I really just consider it an investment.
If you would regret not doing this, and it is going to help you (and by proxy him and your family) in the long term, it seems like it will be worth it in the end. 9 months is not that long to reach your goals.
I changed my name
Given that you can probably get lots of flights to Europe from Chicago, I say GO!
The time that you will be spending separate is finite with a clear end in mind. It is a great opportunity for you and will fill a long held dream. Your husband can come and visit you in Europe during breaks and that will be very romantic.
Do it now. Eventually you will have children and this kind of situation will not be possible.
We did it for a couple years. We were actually living apart when we got married. After the wedding, we went back to our own separate states.
It's not the norm, but it's not impossible. Lots of people do long distance for lots of reasons.
I wouldn't be opposed to doing it again, as long as we had a clear time period. I'd have to think long and hard about doing it as an open ended living situation with no end in sight. As long as there was a clear and definite end (for one year of school, only for this season of seasonal work, only for the duration of X major project, until the kids finish this year of school, etc) I'd be open to it.
I don't think either of you should have to give up your dreams. My husband and I are both in the military and we both get deployed alot. We have spend 6 months apart, 6 months together, 6months apart 6 months together and now we just got orders and will be apart for 1 year! It is really hard to be apart, as im currently deployed and its been 5 months
but honestly it can be really great in a way to. You have to learn how to show your love in other ways besides touch and affection. We have to learn how to communciate in ways we never would have if we werent apart. In those months that we are finally together our relationship is so much better becuase we understand each other on a differnt level now. It does get kind of routine but we learned to spice it up, we suprise each other with gifts, or writing letters (on paper) and we skype. We also play little games through the mail. It sounds kind of lame I know but otherwise its the same phone call and skype chat every day. Our first months apart were really difficult but now that we have been apart for a little longer its great. It really helps us with trusting as well. Which is really important to us.
I think that if either of you sacrifice your dream, it might be ok for awhile, but it will always linger and be a regret deep down, and could cause troubles down the line.
Good luck with your choice though!