Married Life
GLH
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
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Should I say something?
My DH and I are very close and we basically discuss everything with each other including our childhood years. My DH family is popular back home for their association with the family business however my husband is humble about his situation. With that being said before we got married i heard about FIL being gay but was on the down low. My FIL is divorced and once i met him i immediately brushed the rumor off because he is quite a womanizer with different females almost every couple of nights. Now 2-3 years later i am hearing this rumor again from sources that are a bit more reliable. I would like to discuss this with DH but I am afraid that he might take offense to the topic because it would be the second time i would be bringing it up. The first time i brought it up he did not take it on at all , he simply rolled his eyes and said "people will always talk and try to find something to say." DH is also a bit of a homophobic however I do believe that if he heard of such things or suspect that his father was gay he would have told me. Should i just let it go because its not any of my business? But i will say that i feel kind of funny having this thought in my head about his dad and not saying anything to DH...after all as i said we share practically everything with each other.
GLH
Re: Should I say something?
This... I believe you should drop it!!!
I agree with PP. You have already told DH about the rumors once before, so he knows there are some going around. I feel like even if you brought it back up, you would have DH get upset because A) it's just a rumor and not true or
get really upset because he knows it's true but doesn't want to accept it.
If you really MUST say something because it's just eating you up inside, I would simply say "I heard another rumor about your father today, do you think he is aware that someone is spreading these rumors?" That way you aren't accusing his father of being homosexual, but instead just informing your DH.
Having said that, DROPPING THE SUBJECT is your best option. My guess is that if you are hearing the rumor, your DH has probably already heard it. So bringing it up might just rub your DH the wrong way.
THIS! Hello, it doesn't matter!! If his father is gay then I'm sure you will all know the truth eventually.
True or untrue - does that make him a different person to you? Probably not -- so do your best to let it go. It is his personal life choice - and if it is true and he isn't open discussing it with your DH will not change anything and may make your DH uncomfortable. After all no one likes to talk about their parent's sex life! Rumors abound, sometime with reason, sometimes not -- but this isn't one of those things that really matters.
I agree that you should drop it.
Past that, this concept of "sharing everything"... yes, you want an honest, open marriage. That basic idea is healthy. But I don't agree that this means you have to really, literally share everything. Every thought, everything you hear out there in the world, etc.
Quite honestly- you've told your DH this once, you feel he's homophobic - as such, I will guarentee you that he's thought about this plenty. But it's HIS dad and HIS feelings - he doesn't have to lay them all out for you.
This is what I mean about "sharing everything". I feel you have an expectation about openness that might be a little too much, and you may find that your DH doesn't share quite "everything" w/ you as you think. And that's o.k. He's allowed to have thoughts that he doesn't have to spell out.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Don't say anything to him about this. I wouldn't say a darn thing even if I saw it with my own eyes. Your FIL is not hurting anyone, he is single & can be with who ever he wants. He isn't cheating on anyone so it truly is no ones business.
If this family has a lot of money or are prominent in the area they live, your H is right, people will always talk. Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see. People are always jealous of others, but more so when they have something they want.
That's what I would do, along with "how do you feel about someone spreading rumors like that?" as a way to open up the convo.
Rumors like that about your parent cannot be fun, and it's not like he's going to open up to his guys about the word on the street being that his dad is gay... nope, not gunna happen. You're his wife, he should be able to talk to you, and maybe he wants to but doesn't know where to start? Anyways, opening up the convo, and if he bites and talks, take it. Otherwise drop it.
Ummm, then why are you on a message board? This woman's FIL has nothing to do with you or your life, why comment about how it's none of her business?
maybe the "rumors" are why your DH is homophobic?
IME, men who aren't threatened don't care about other people's sexuality.