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Having serious trouble with sex drive
So sorry in advance for the long post!
I have been having serious issues with my sex drive lately. When I was 16, I went on BC, and ended up switching about once a year until I last started taking Seasonique, when I was a sophomore in college. It seemed like every pill I tried caused serious side effects (depression, extreme cramps), then starting with sexual side effects - which became a problem when my then-boyfriend (now-husband) started getting more serious and I couldn't get in the mood at all. I ended up going off of my BC at the end of my junior year, and for a little while my sex drive ramped up a little bit, but nowhere near where it had been before I started Seasonique - I got probably a 30% increase. We've been married for less than three months now, and we haven't had sex more than 10-15 times. I just seriously CANNOT get in the mood. We have toys, we have other gel stuff (that works if I'm even slightly aroused, which is super hard), but I have a lot of trouble even getting into the right mindset.
This is obviously causing problems between me and the hubby - he thinks I'm not attracted to him, because he's overweight ( we both are, but working on it), which isn't true. I enjoy sex when we have sex, but it's just so hard for me to WANT to have sex and become aroused. He then starts to push me, thinking that a somewhat-intimate moment such as a nice kiss on the couch can become a little bedroom action, which causes me to feel seriously pressured and makes it even HARDER for me!! I want to go get my bloodwork done, and I know that my depression can cause this, but I'm wondering if anyone else has had this problem, either just with themselves or after taking birth control. It's so darn frustrating, and I honestly feel like a failure as a woman and as a wife sometimes, because I can't please my husband in bed as often as he wants. I know that's kind of old-fashioned and chauvinistic, which I don't believe in, it's just the whole social stereotype that newlyweds screw like rabbits.
Do any of you other ladies have this problem, or does anyone have any suggestions other than get my bloodwork and thyroid checked? That's already on my list of things to do.
Re: Having serious trouble with sex drive
If not, I suggest you do so. Find out what turns you on; that's sure to get you into having sex.
If you're taking antidepressants, that might also be interfering with your libido. speak to your doc; see if he can prescribe something else.
Work on this together. Maybe you're also in a kind of a sexual rut -- don't be afraid to check out couples-only sex manuals (sold in mainstream bookstores) --- have a look together and see which ones the 2 of you would jointly choose.
I had this issue. I was on Microgynon (not sure of the American alternative) for years and I was fine on it. Then the last year or so my sex drive went to below zero. I was having extreme mood swings and spent most of the time in tears or throwing things. We were having sex less than once a month - it was like all the stars had to align to be the right time. I just couldn't get aroused at all except maybe 2-3 days in the month.
I did loads of research and finally decided it must be my pill. We had a chat and although we'd planned on waiting for kids for a couple years or so, H said we should just come off the bc. It took maybe a month but we're doing much better. I actually want sex these days and we're probably at 2-3 times a week again.
If completely coming off is not an option for you, maybe try changing again. I can't say my experiences will be yours - definitely check with your doctor. I do hope you can get this sorted soon.
Most of the year, btw, I pleasured him when I could, usually a few times a week. Many here will say thats not entirely right to do - but I spent most of the year (excuse the tmi) so dry it was painful for him to touch me. My reasoning was, it was hell for me, it shouldn't be complete hell for him too.
Any hormonal birth control method can cause havoc with your sex drive. Clearly you're sensitive. GET OFF THE HORMONES. Use a copper IUD or diaphragm or condoms. There are many options that don't have ANY hormones.
Also get your psych meds checked out. Antidepressants can also do this. Some are worse than others. Talk to your doctor.
Having a healthy sex life will improve your mood and you'll be less depressed! How cyclic. This really sucks and I'm sorry you're stuck in this rut, but you can get out. You just have to take action and speak up for yourself and your right to enjoy sex with your husband.
(I also second masturbating to understand your body as well as possible. Don't give up after 10 minutes. If you don't regularly orgasm expect it to take an hour? 1.5 hours? It can take a long time! It's worth it though because you'll get better at it.)
I've been off the pill entirely since I quit seasonique- two full years now. I can't use a copper IUD even if I want to, because I'm high-risk for breast cancer and it causes higher chances. We only use condoms now.
I'm not on any sort of medication - bc, antidepressants, anything. The only pills that go into me anymore are advil or tylenol, unless I'm sick.
I masturbate a lot, actually... I own at least six (I think seven) vibrators, we have some kinky stuff, we have a few books. I'm even the one who watches porn in the relationship, he never does. The problem I have is with becoming aroused.
Huh. That's much more interesting.
Do you become aroused watching porn? Or via some other route? Is it specifically sex with him you can't find arousing? I can relate to the cyclic problem of not feeling terribly aroused and every time you kiss him it seems to lead to him expecting sex. That's not a good pattern. My ex husband and I fell into that one. Ultimately the problem was I wasn't really romantically in love with him. We're terrific friends and decided to divorce amicably. That may not be what's going on with you, but have you considered it? Do you love him as a person but don't want to devour him sexually?
Hmmmm....I don't know if this helps....
A couple years ago I would have denied it....but I found that vibrators messed up my 'sensors' below the belt. I went YEARS without being able to have an orgasm manually or through intercourse/oral. My current boyfriend convinced me to stop using the vibrator for a couple months just to see if it helped. WOWZA! It made all the difference in the world.
Maybe this isn't your issue....but I thought I would share anyway.
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