I need some unbiased advice.

katrobinson

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pengy16

She really cant dictate what you and your husband plan on doing with your lives. Some women once they get that ring on their finger they go nuts and think nobody around them is not allowed to have a life until after their big day. It sounds like you are dealing with one of those kind of brides. If you get pregnant thats you and your husbands business, not your friends. You cant plan around her wedding anymore than she could plan around your family planning. I would shrug it off for the time being but if she keeps making comments about it, I would bring it up with her that you are not stopping your life for her wedding and she needs to understand that and if you and your husband do get pregnant before her big day that it will not overshadow her big day. 

epritchard

That is ridiculous.  Who cares if you are pregnant during her festivities.  You can't plan your life around her wedding.  Her expecting you to put off something as wonderful and important as a baby is so so vain and self-centered.  

This aspect of you and your husband's life together is not hers to dictate or judge.  And if she does, she doesn't seem like the best person to have as a close friend.

BeckyOff

Start TTC whenever your little heart desires.

"If there's ever any news regarding the contents of my uterus, I'll let you know...  Are YOU knocked up yet?"

hesakeeper

It's quite ridiculous. However, I wouldn't want to be KU during wedding festivities just for the sake of being able to participate (drink, mainly) and that I'm not achy/tired/nauseous. I'm standing up in an October wedding this year and even though I don't plan to be pregnant, I wouldn't want to be pregnant either. I don't like the idea of standing up in front of an audience in general but I don't want to be in front of audience feeling ready to puke (or nap) either.

However, if you DO get pregnant, don't feel obligated to tell her right away. In the back of my mind I have a "back up" plan if I DO get pregnant prior to the October wedding or festivities. This plan includes telling the caterer that I'll be sitting at the head table but would prefer sparkling grape juice vs. champagne (and offer to provide it to them as long as they keep it on the DL), for the bachelorette party I plan to order a lot of mixed drinks sans alcohol (think: sprite, lemonade and juice so it looks like a mixed drink), etc. 

Lastly, while she has NO control over when you multiply, you do have to consider the BM dress. I already bought a dress for the Oct. wedding and I LOVE IT but it's fairly tight. It's stretchy material but it's tight to my body so if I were to gain weight, or a little bump, there's no way I could hide it. 

sessionswedding

If my friend wanted me to leave her wedding party because I got pregnant, she would no longer be my friend.  No one but you and your H can make the decision about when to conceive (or not).  Don't let someone else's wedding dictate your future offspring.

katrobinson

Thanks everyone.  I just planned a wedding, I know it's stressful, but come on.  I just wanted to make sure I wasn't overreacting.  

jnjmommy0609

None of this is your fault...at all. She sounds like a control freak and needs to learn the others personal life does not revolve around her. If you want to get pregnant then do it. 

dancingphalanges

No, you're definitely not overreacting.  I've honestly never understood what the big deal was in not wanting pregnant bridesmaids, as it seems more important to have the people I love standing with me on my special day.  She has no right to ask this of you.

PurrBox

sessionswedding:

If my friend wanted me to leave her wedding party because I got pregnant, she would no longer be my friend.  No one but you and your H can make the decision about when to conceive (or not).  Don't let someone else's wedding dictate your future offspring.

Yeah, that would be the end for me too.

chrisandsarahwedding

Not an appropriate thing to ask of someone. If my friends made me feel this way about conceiving I'd probably wonder why I am friends with them. Wedding day or not. 

limegreenlauren

I think I can see both sides. 

My best friend knew I was getting married in the summer of 2010. She started trying for a baby the exact time she knew I was going to get married she got pregnant the first month she tried. I ended up having to reschedule and do a lot of work around her pregnancy because I wanted her to be my maid of honor no matter what. It didn't bother me that she was pregnant....but it did annoy me a little bit. She couldn't put as much effort into my bridal shower/bachelorette party and I couldn't put as much into her baby shower. I felt like neither of us were there for each other as much as we could have been. It bothered me a little that we went all our for her bachelorette party and for mine we stayed in and had a sleepover because she was tired and couldn't drink. She hates looking at my wedding pics because she feels fat (she had her son the month before). 

 All that to say, she is being ridiculous to demand that of you. Could you get pregnant at a time when you wouldn't be showing that much by September? I mean, if you got pregnant in May, June, July or August you'd probably barely even be showing and might not even need a maternity dress. You wouldn't even have to tell her until after her honeymoon. 

 

 

Puff the Magic Dragon

If it could be avoided, I certainly wouldn't want to be pregnant during a friends engagement just because it would hinder the experience. Not being able to drink or fit into a bridesmaid dress would be a real pain in the ass. However, it's incredibly rude of her to expect you to put your life on hold for her special day. If you want a child now, you don't have to wait for any third party to approve.

ladybuginl0ve

I would completely ignore such a silly request!

Pandabear84

Not all brides are bridezillas. I'm excited about my bean (niece or nephew) I DONT agree with my SIL and BIL's family planning or lack there of, but if your friend is really your friend, she will be talking to your tummy and putting out a seat if your tummy nugget is too big to let you stand the whole time. I think my SIL will be a lovely bridesmaid with a baby in her tummy. Another thing to keep in mind is that the bump doesn't typically get size altering until week 22.

torichantel2005

That is so uncalled for!  I can't believe people who get that obsessed about their wedding.  If you want to start TTC and you happen to be pregnant, that is your choice.  If you want to, do it.  You shouldn't have to put off your life plans because of her.

Savanna111911

It is unimaginable to me that someone would become so hung up on one day that they would make that type of request/demand. 

I agree with PP that you should not try to accommodate unless you want to  because of your own comfort (want to drink, be more comfortable, not worry about the dress fitting, etc).  I know plenty of brides who have had pregnant bridesmaids and the brides go out of their way to accommodate the pregnant friend, not the other way around!

 I actually am not sure that I would be able to keep my mouth shut and not say something to her about her unrealistic expectations. 

Though I've been married about a year and a half, and understand that you don't want someone to "outshine you" on your special day, it is just so unbelievable to me that someone is rude enough or self-centered enough to think that you should base your family planning on their schedule.

  

ahuntsbe

If your friend is really a friend, she shouldn't care if your pregnant or not, just as long as you're standing up with her on her wedding day.