Trouble in Paradise
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When Porn Crosses the Line

My husband of a year and a half has been chatting with strangers he meets on tagged.com. He says it's not cheating but interactive porn...what do you think?

Re: When Porn Crosses the Line

  • I think it's really up to the couple to determine porn: ok or no? And what is ok? For me, talking to real people and chat/live webcam stuff crosses a line. I'm not ok with that. It is, to me far more personal than looking at pictures of a random girl.
  • Watching porn is one thing

    interacting with other women sexually DEFINITELY NOT OK!

    would he be ok with  you doing that with other men? there is your answer!



  • This is one of those grey areas where if YOU feel it's cheating, then it's cheating.  He is engaging w/ another woman for sexual pleasure.  If that's not o.k. with you, then it's NOT O.K. 
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  • I wouldn't call it cheating necessarily but clearly it bothers you and in my opinion it crosses a line. If he can't stop for the sake of respect then there is a problem
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  • Agree with PP that if YOU'RE uncomfortable with it, it's not okay. Time to sit down and have a chat about boundaries with your husband.
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  • I don't think I've ever even encountered a stranger on the internet who would be okay with her husband doing this, let alone a real person that I know.  This is pretty much universally unacceptable.

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  • This is inappropriate.

    Show him the door. He's cheated.

    I see you have been posting on Trying to Get Pregnant. Do NOT TTC with this guy; he's not fit to be a husband, let alone a father.
  • imageTarponMonoxide:
    This is inappropriate.


    I am going with this.

    I have no problem with my boyfriend watching porn....but if he starts chatting (or texting) other women all hell will break loose!  No kidding!

      Two questions for you (and him)

    Are you ok with it?  If not....there is a problem.

    Question for him.....would he be ok with you do the same?  I BET NOT!  If he would not allow you to 'flirt' online with others then I guess that should make him understand why HE NEEDS to stop.

  • Lol. I'm sorry? What?!?

    He is mulipiltiting you to believe that. Porn is a DVD or a channel on cable. Right now all you can prove is conversations with other women. How far over the line and how much proof do you really need?  

  • Interactive porn??? What kind of BS is this that he's trying to shove down your throat. I would have kicked him out laughing at the mere sound of that. 
  • imageBulgariHeart:
    Interactive porn??? What kind of BS is this that he's trying to shove down your throat. I would have kicked him out laughing at the mere sound of that. 

    hey, someone who's been married for four months and actually has some sense.

    Ditto this chick.

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  • I guess if you are okay with it then it's fine, of your not then it's not fine.

    A lot of people might try to tell you that whatever he is doing is totally normal and okay and whatever but if YOU are not okay with it then it is NOT OKAY.

    Here is what happened with me:

    I'm not okay with ANY kind of porn in our relationship. Pictures, videos anything. Honestly I was ready to walk out on him once while we were dating because I found out he had been watching porn. I had tried to be okay with it and had let a couple things I noticed "slide by" without reaction but finally told him straight up it was porn or me. Unfortunately when I was about 8 months pregnant it happened again, which resulted in a super strained relationship for the remainder of what should have been the most amazing time of our lives (through the remainder of my pregnancy and the birth of our daughter) and me finally writing him an extremely long, honest letter that pretty much laid it out...he could choose his porn and a divorce or me and his daughter. That simple. It wasn't like I surprised him with it, I had been honest with him about my feelings on it before we even got married.

    I don't think he really got it until I put it down in writing because I have a hard time articulating myself when I am upset and I give in too easy to the peer pressure "everyone else does it" bull, so I just put it out there that it made me feel like I wasn't good enough and like he wasn't in this relationship for me but for what I represented (the family he felt he could achieve vs. the "perfect" blond, big boobed woman he would have preferred to have). And honestly, I just said if that was something he wanted in his life then I didn't want to be in his life. If I hadn't been pregnant I probably would have left. As it was I ended up having to be induced because the whole situation made my blood pressure shoot through the roof and it wouldn't come back down.

    I can tell you straight up that if he had been on any sort of "interactive porn" site I would have been out of here so fast his head would have been spinning.

    Sorry that was so long, it still bothers me, clearly. But the gist of what I'm getting at is that you need to be HONEST with him and yoruself. I feel like if you are even asking this question then you KNOW it's crossing the line. Who cares what other people are okay with? It needs to be what YOU are okay with.

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  • To me porn always crosses the line. I would seek help immediately. Even if you must do so alone at first. Local churches offer free and sliding scale counseling.

    Many prayers! 

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  • Hello, I am also not ok with porn in my relationship, but this was decided when both of us sat down and talked about it. Of course it is a relationship and both parties need to agree or not.

    At first I was like, "all guys do it so it's ok if it's in moderation". The more I thought about it, I was able to put aside what the general population thinks about it and see how it made me feel, my limits and clear out my thoughts.

    I believe men and women play different roles in relationships. I think that women like to feel attractive and men like to give attention. So the equivalent to a man in a relationship looking at porn would be for the women of the relationship to be posting porn (or sexy photos) of herself for others to view. If that is not ok with either of them, then it's not ok. Of course every relationship is different, I understand that.

    I vote for talking with your husband and seeing what are his "interactive porn" experiences to see for yourself (sit down with him and look) if you are ok with it. It sounds to me that steps past porn into cheating, but if he feels differently then it's just communication at that point to agree or not agree as a couple. Would he be ok with you doing "interactive porn" too?

  • having the same discussion- i just found your post after making my own. i feel for you and i hope you come to a resolution as I hope I do some time soon.
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  • imageDrDiega:
    My husband of a year and a half has been chatting with strangers he meets on tagged.com. He says it's not cheating but interactive porn...what do you think?

    I don't know how this works but if there is a live person at the end and not some kind of bot or software that recognizes key words, he's got a PROBLEM with porn.

    And he has a bigger one if he is spending lots and lots of money on one of these sites or simply spending an abnormal amount of time on one of these porn sites.

    If the above applies, he needs to go. In this case show him the door.

    Addiction is a dealbreaker. Whether it is alcohol, drugs, spending, sex, gambling or porn, it is a dealbreaker.

    Safeguard your assets.  Make sure he can't get ahold of any of your cash or other assets and don't let him have access to any of your credit cards.

    And I'd run a credit check on him and on you, if it turns out he's spending lots of money on these interactive porn sites. I am guessing they are not for free.

    Get yourself to AlAnon --- you are coping with somebody who has a possible addiction; you will need the help of a support group. 

  • The OP must have changed the title and content of the post???

    ANybody else here confused??? Anybody else see this thread when it was posted much earlier on?
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