Trouble in Paradise
Malvagia
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Is this inappropriate behavior?
Would you consider it in appropriate for a woman to sit on your husband's lap?
DH was talking about a party that he attended in which I had to leave early. He nonchalantly mentioned to me that a female friend of his sat on his lap at one point during the party. I don't think that's acceptable behavior. This really bothers me because previously this same friend kissed him on the lips at a previous party. DH said he didn't realize that's what she was trying to do but didn't think that was appropriate.
DH thinks it's not inappropiate for his female friend to sit on his lap since they are close friends. I don't think there's anything going on between the two of them I just don't think they should have an intimate relationship.
Re: Is this inappropriate behavior?
To me it's about intentions. In and of itself, I really wouldn't care if someone who was truly just a friend sat on DH's lap. I don't see it as having an "intimate relationship" (which is a really odd term to use, quite honestly).
BUT in the situation you describe - there seems to be more going on. She's tried to kiss him before? Then yes, her sitting on his lap is inappropriate.
I'm sure he doesn't see it that way, though, because I'm sure he likes the attention.
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DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
so, he thinks its ok for you to sit on your male friends laps?
TTC since September 2012
Yes...that's inappropriate behavior.
And the fact that she kissed him once before only adds to the level in which it is not appropriate.
ETA: Why is he friends with someone who so blatantly disregards his marriage vows?
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This all depends on the boundaries you and your husband choose for your relationship. Me & FI are VERY touch-positive, sex-positive, snuggle-positive people. I love dancing and regularly have snuggle piles with my male and female friends. We do this with our friends as a couple, whatever. He kisses friends goodbye on the lips and it isn't a big deal. I hang out alone with my guys friends and FI has come home to me snuggling another man on the couch. He sat down and joined in the snuggling/movie watching. No big deal.
If you and your husband have different expectations, talk about them. I think every couple should agree on THEIR OWN boundaries about stuff like this. I agree intentions are much more important here. If she was being friendly that's very different than throwing herself at him.
I think it depends on how close you all are. I have a really good friend who, if she say on my husband's lap, I wouldn't think twice about it.
Still, I don't think it's unreasonable for this to make you uneasy. Boundaries are to be determined by the couple. Clearly this makes you uncomfortable and he should respect that.
Just curious, what does this mean?
" Me & FI are VERY touch-positive, sex-positive, snuggle-positive people."
TTC since September 2012
Most people would not consider this okay behavior.. I dont care if you are good friends with them or not. It is asking for trouble. She obviously doesnt have any boundaries, and will probably push it with him if he thinks all of that is appropriate. If there are no set boundaries its easy to step way over the line, cause there usually isnt really one until its too late.
Plus YOU dont like it (which I am sure most women would feel the same way), your husband needs to respect that even if he thinks it's harmless.
Totally depends on the friend. Some of DH's friends I know are harmless, others I don't trust at all and I know their intentions wouldn't be good.
This really comes down to how YOU feel though. You need to talk to your DH about boundaries and what you're both OK with and what you consider crossing the line.
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From what you've mentioned you do not know this person as a friend, and she's come-on to your husband twice (that you know of). You obviously aren't "OK" with the situation otherwise you wouldn't have posted.
Does DH have a flirty personality? he maybe sending the wrong signals to this woman or Vis versa. Why didn't he leave the party when you did? Where were you at this pervious party (with the kiss)? It seems weird you don't go together and leave together.
This would bother me, it would be easier if you were there so you could tell her to knock it off. I would tell you DH that it bothers you, and hope he would respect that. You don go around hugging and kissing people, neither should he. You're married..... A goodbye hug and kiss is different then him mentioning that to you.
He could be telling you these things because he wants you to be more flirty with him.
Be honest and put a stop to it so you don't doubt your relationship.
Good luck!
It's inappropriate, how would he feel if you sat on a man's lap?
Looks like this friend is interested in being more than friends with him, she seems sneaky, I wouldn't trust her or want my husband around her
He may be telling you about it, because he doesn't think anything is wrong with it.
And while he may not have untoward intentions, she might. Why is she sitting on his lap? Where there no chairs? was she feeling faint? It sounds like she's flirting with him and he might be clueless.
If they are good friends, she should respect that you are not comfortable with it, and stop it. And he needs to enforce that.