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Vent and help
I have been lurking for awhile. It's time to come forward.
I just am not happy in my marriage for many reasons. We had gone through infertility and dh traveling the last 3 years. When he came back from all the traveling i told him I wasn't happy and felt very unappreciated and loved. That was a year ago and no change on his part.
Now I am at the point that we are more like roommates. I want to leave but I don't have a job and we have a son that has minor health problems. I have no family here but he does. I have asked to live with his parents till we can come to an agreement but he won't leave. He doesnt want a divorce but I do.
I am going forward with looking for work and trying to get my part of the finances together. But what else can I do to get the ball rolling or suggestions?
Diagnosed with DiGeorge at 3 weeks old after Open Heart Surgery due to right aortic arch formed incorrectly and PDA
TTC #2 since April 2010
November 2011 diagnosed with PCOS and Endometriosis DH semen analysis is mediocore
Clomid journey 12/2011- 2/2012
Letrozole journey March-June 2012
TTC Journey has ended. Future unknown
Re: Vent and help
My mom lives four hours away and she sent that agreeable with me leving. That's another post of its own. I don't want to interrupt my sons school and IEP..
TTC #2 since April 2010
November 2011 diagnosed with PCOS and Endometriosis DH semen analysis is mediocore
Clomid journey 12/2011- 2/2012
Letrozole journey March-June 2012
TTC Journey has ended. Future unknown
If you are really sure about leaving/that the marriage is over. You need to get your ducks in a row.
First the job, next--find a place to rent. It will take some time to get everything together...and you probably won't be able to keep it a secret. Your husband is probably going to be aware....so be prepared for some fall-out from that.
Try to make your son's transition as smooth as possible (I am sure you are already aware of that)
Make a pregnancy ticker
well, i guess you cant have it both ways huh?
magsugar, i2i.
This exactly. (and by gentleman's agreement, he should leave but I guess that won't be happening).
You say you talked about it, but have you tried counselling?
Just because you talked about it doesn't mean either of you have the tools you need to succeed in changing habits that have formed. If you've already given up, then there's nothing really to try and save, but if you think you might still love him and want to give your family another chance, seek professional help.
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Sorry to hear you're unhappy. Did you ever think he may be feeling the same way you are? I am assuming he started traveling after you had a hard time with infertility? That is such a stressful process, it can rip relationships apart.
Have you done anything to change your relationship? You can't talk to him and tell him you're unhappy and you not change anything also. Talk again, tell him you're considering Divorce because you're so unhappy, and something needs to change. Go to counseling and try, it seems like you're giving in to your feelings when you should overcome them.
If you really have given up, then there isn't much advice to give. You already know you need to find a job and get a new place to live.
All I can suggest is to read Love & Respect. If you are open to the concepts in the book, it can bring about amazing transformation. If there is even a small piece of you that is open to trying to save this marriage (and your family), then give it a try.
I don't know the whole story, but there must be something on your husband's end that we don't know about (and maybe you don't know about). If you read the book and start to make the changes it suggests, I think you will see a response from him for the better that you wouldn't expect (especially if he doesn't want the divorce, which I'm guessing means he still wants to be with you). And yes, it will probably be on you to make the first move to make the changes happen, but the reward can be great.
Good luck.
I recently blogged on the real reality of divorce. I truly believe marriage is worth fighting for above all else. I think if you feel unloved there are so many things to try including counseling. The world will tell you to follow feelings but emotions are rarely a great pathway to follow when it comes to life choices. One must work at creating passion in a marriage. You were down a very difficult path for the past three years and that is bound to take an emotional toll.
I highly recommend Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages"
Do not give up! Marriage is worth fighting for! children need both parents in their lives while this isn't always possible I truly believe it is ideal. I have worked as a teacher in the classroom for several years now and seen the devastation of divorce. It truly is a tragedy.
Additionally The Love and Respect book
as well as "For Women Only" are great
The Time Warp Wife and the Unveiled Wife are also excellent blogs.
You CAN have the marriage you've always wanted.
MANY PRAYERS from the deepest part of my heart.
Thanks for the great information
TTC #2 since April 2010
November 2011 diagnosed with PCOS and Endometriosis DH semen analysis is mediocore
Clomid journey 12/2011- 2/2012
Letrozole journey March-June 2012
TTC Journey has ended. Future unknown