Trouble in Paradise
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Therapy

It is my first time posting on this board. I have been with my husband for almost 7 years. There are some things with our relationship that are starting to bother me. I know there are things that are bothering him. Nothing is unfixable yet, but if we want to be together forever some things have to change. We can communicate enough to say that we have a problem, but not well enough to fix them. One of our problems is that we have different communications styles. I have suggested therapy and while he thinks we don't need it, he is willing to go. I am having trouble finding a therapist that is in network on my health insurance. I'm totally willing to pay out of pocket for a service that will work, but I am not really sure how marriage counseling works and what happens, so I'm wondering if anyone has found success in therapy and is it worth it?
BabyFetus Ticker

Re: Therapy

  • We went for grief/marriage consoling. Not really the same thing but DH sounds a lot like yours, didn't think it would help but was willing to go. We were going for communication reasons, so perhaps the setup is similar. I think the key is for your DH to be open to the fact that the first person might not help, you may need to try at least 2 different people. We also meet with a male/female team so that DH would feel comfortable. For us the "homework" was far more beneficial then the actual session and meeting with someone held us accountable to actually do the readings and discussions. 
    image Nicholas loved for 28 weeks, 4/11/10
    Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
    Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
  • Another suggestion if you are having a hard time finding a therapist.  Do you have a pastor or something you could talk to?  I know when I was going through my divorce, I talked with my pastor and it helped a lot!!  When I remarried, we had to go through marriage counseling with my pastor and again, it was great!  He always told us that we could come to him anytime we are struggling or having problems.  This may be a route for you?  To answer your question, I thought talking to someone else helped a lot! 
  • A really good book is by Dr. Gary Chapman called the Five Love Languages which address a variety of things that come up in different communication styles. I also highly recommend A Weekend To Remember my husband and I went 2 years ago and it really was a life changer. We both saw each other in a whole new light. Marriages are tough work but I am a big believer in the fact that they can indeed be saved. 

    http://shop.familylife.com/events_1.aspx?categoryid=97 

    I would start by making a list of qualities you like in him. Let him know you respect him and appreciate what he does for you. Do something kind for him.  

    Many prayers!  

    For more info visit my blog: http://shockinglydomestic.com
  • I am a therapist in NY. Not sure if you live there, but I can help you find someone.  First thing, call your insurance.  They will have a list of approved providers in your network.  You can also use this site:

    therapists.psychologytoday.com/

    This is a site where therapist enter themselves, so most will have listed what insurance they take, if any.   Some therapist offer a "sliding scale" meaning they will charge you based on your income, or what you state you can afford.  This is usually done on an honesty policy.

    Some therapist also don't take any insurance at all, which in some cases is better, because they are more flexible with fees.

    Also keep in mind, if you go to a psychologist, you will pay more then if you go to a LCSW (licensed clinical social worker) or a LMHC (licensed mental health counselor).  Some providers may be listed as couples or family therapist as well, thought LCSW and LMHC are qualified to treat as well.  Certain insurances will only pay for specific licenses of patients, so it may be out of your control.

    You have the right to interview different providers to see who you think you both will click with the most. 

    Please email me if you have any more questions or I can help you in any further manner.  Good Luck.

  • my husband and i have been in counseling for about six months, and i anticipate we'll probably continue for another 6 - 12 months.  it has made a WORLD of difference for us.  if you both agree it's something that is a good idea, do it. making the time to sit in the room with a therapist puts your marriage and what's going on front and center.  do you have an employee assistance plan (EAP) through work, or his? call your HR dept and find out.  if you do, you probably get a certain number of visits with a therapist for yourself and your spouse per year. use those benefits if you have them. i get 8 visits w/ a counselor through my work and 8 through his, and he gets the same. that's four months of weekly therapy that is completely free. also, a lot of counselors will charge a discounted rate if they're not in your plan, but you have to ask. our couples counselor is in our EAP networks but not our insurance. when we're out of EAP visits for the year she charges us a discounted rate.  find a counselor, even if you end up paying for it out of pocket, while you're still at the point where "nothing is unfixable yet." 
    great blasket island, co. kerry, ireland june 2011
  • How are you going to fix this marriage on your own? I think therapy for you is a great idea, but don't kid yourself that it will save your marriage because your partner refuses to join or figure out a way to better communicate. 
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