First Year???

brij2006

So this is just something I have been noticing and wanting to see if I'm the only one.

H and I have been marred for 5 months, and anytime we see people that we haven't seen since the wedding. They will ask how's married life. Rightfully so.  But one thing that has thrown me off is people keep commenting on how there's only 7 months left in our first year, then it gets easier.  We've also had a few family members telling us that the first year is the hardest.

What is with this? Guess I've never heard about the first year being the hardest.  And honestly H and I just giggle about this because we've been together for almost 9 years, and this has probably been one of our best and easiest years together.  We joke that if this is our hardest year of marriage, then we have nothing to worry about. 

Anyone else hear this?

mellimel19

I've heard many people say this, though H and I have not had this experience ourselves. We have been married for 7 months, but together for 7 years (living together for 5) before we got married. So I think we had ironed out any kinks long ago, and we talked about any expected changes, such as how we were going to handle household finances before getting married, so there really weren't any surprises.

entropicbeauty

I agree with PP, I think this is a saying from the days when most couples didn't live together before getting married. I'm like you, I lived with my husband for 2 years before we got married and we've had zero major bumps since tying the knot in September.

kipnus

I don't know...H and I didn't live together before marriage, but we haven't found this to be difficult. I think it's because we're damn good communicators!

Malvagia

I've always heard of the first year as being the honeymoon year i.e. easiest.  I've been married about 6 years and feel that our relationship gets better and better each year.  I wouldn't say that our first year was difficult.

Every now and then we face challenges that test our relationship and I feel that they end up improving it.

hesakeeper

Agreeing with PP, I believe that it was termed the hardest when couples did not live together prior to marriage. 

DH and I did not live together before marriage, and therefore I would state that our first year was quite difficult. However, it was also incredibly wonderful at the same time. Second year has been much better, though. 

bridget0117

I have heard this a lot, DH and I didn't live together before marriage and honestly it has been rough but I think it's mostly adjusting to being with someone every single day. Also finances and stuff like that makes it difficult, we also had trouble communicating about money but we learned from our fights and now communicate well!! 

We are going in our second year and so far it's been amazing!!  

lisa2008boo

That's crap the first year is not the hardest the second year is harder. The first year your still in that honey moon stage, and all those flaws don't really annoy you yet you still have hope that they will change. 

The second year reality hits the fact that you are going to be together forever really starts to sink in. The honey moon is over and now all those flaws really annoy you and they aren't changing. 

We had much worse fights the second year than the first year but heading into the 3rd year we are getting into a flow and a communication style that works for us it has relaxed more now.  

Meli.Mel

I was married in August of 2012. I have had the same question ask me over and over again.

My H and I did not live together before hand. The first few months was a change for us but we sat down communicated and things have been better than they have the past few years we were dating.

Sewilson33

I lived with DH before we got married. The month before we married we bought a house, leased a new car and spent a ton on our honeymoon. The first year was very difficult bc of the house situation, we remodeled our entire home. We had a lot of butting head moments and frustrated car rides but we worked through it. After a year we finally moved into our new home, adopted a dog and started our life our way. It has been amazing ever since. I think it all depends on what struggles are thrown at you that first year and how you deal with them.

brij2006

Maybe that's our difference too. We were dating for 8 years and lived together for 3 before getting married. The biggest difference was combining our incomes and trying to handle that.  But after the first 3 months, it wasn't too bad. I'm just finding it very interesting, because we sort of prepped ourselves for this to be a rough year. But it has honestly been one of the best.

srgw

kipnus:

I don't know...H and I didn't live together before marriage, but we haven't found this to be difficult. I think it's because we're damn good communicators!

This. Our first year was just fine and dandy. The only big issue we dealt with was my unemployment and it was not a big deal.

JSP77

I think it's more aimed at people who didn't live together and have to adjust. I didn't live with my husband and we weren't together for years before we got married so the first year is slightly rough. We had to establish boundaries and rules that work for us and we also had to figure out what even works for us. It took a lot of work and there were some heated arguments. Issues came up that I didn't even know he had a problem with and we learned so much about each other. We have been married for 6 months now and we are just starting to settle in, I know how he works a little bit better and same goes for him. We had to learn how to really live together and fulfill each other 24/7 because while dating we weren't around each other 24/7. So I think since you and your husband were already together for so long before you kinnda already went through this. 

Kimbus22

Our first year dating was our hardest.  By the time we got married we'd been living together for 3 years and not much changed.

SusanH.

I am with you on that one!  I  HAVE heard "the first year is the hardest" but never experienced it.

DH and I are in our 12th year of marriage and it was never ever hard. Yet, it keeps getting better and better!!!

tyleet87

I feel like this is something said by people who don't know the couple very well. I've heard of this saying but thankfully it's never been said to us.

bfreddy

Yes! Everyone "reassures" me that it gets easier and starting to live with someone is difficult. Well all I have to say is that me and Ty have had the best and easiest transition into marriage with no problems! We were LDRs too, so I went from seeing him once every two weeks to every day. Sounds like you just found the right one is all (:

emichele87

H and I have only been married since September and I think that this may be a "hard" year for us if only because of finances and me being so far from family. Also H and I did not live together so we have been learning to live with each other. All said and done I think that in 10 years we will look back at this being a harder year than others. 

BulgariHeart

We haven't heard this, probably because people know we've been together 16 years, even though we're newlyweds. Sounds a bit silly TBH. 

hoop13girl

Kimbus22:

Our first year dating was our hardest.  By the time we got married we'd been living together for 3 years and not much changed.

I couldn't agree more! We dated 4 years, lived together 3 1/2 years before we got married. Everyone asks, "how is married life" which we keep saying "the same". The first year we dated was the hardest because of distance. It truly depends on the couple I believe, but not living together until marriage really can make the first year a bit harder.  

swatkins26210

We lived together for a couple of months before our marriage, but before that my husband was over here so often that it was almost like he lived here, already; so habits were never really an issue. We both have decent jobs and make enough money to support ourselves comfortably. We both do our fair share of housework so neither of us feels as though we're burdened. Our parents are not extremely overbearing. We both know we want children, just not right now. Etc. 

So I think that it just depends on the couple and the issues they're experiencing at the time. You may have hurdles in your 1st year, but you may have hurdles in your 21st year. Everyone is different and no life is always perfect. You have to handle the challenges as they arise, but you probably shouldn't dwell on when they will. 

poison+kisses

I've never had anyone say that to me, but so far our first year hasn't been hard at all. It must be based on when people lived at home until they were married. If we were living apart from our parents for the first time, and living with each other for the first time, I could see how some people would be stressed about that. Especially money stuff if you've never had to budget or support yourself before, so you're figuring all that out at the same time as getting to know how to live with your spouse. We had already lived on our own, lived with each other and bought a house right before the wedding, so nothing has really changed for us since getting married.