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The Infamous "When are you having a baby" question....
So H and I have been together 10 years this April and married for almost 5 months. Recently a few friends have become pregnant we have an almost 1 year old niece and I have been happily buying or "liking" or pinning various baby items.
EVERYONE keeps asking if we are the ones having a baby! Family/friends mainly but yeah it's pretty annoying in my head I keep thinking if I was pregnant I'm pretty sure you would know already! I do tell them that no it is not us but many friends or family members and we are happy to not be pregnant but just be aunt and uncle.
I'm getting annoyed though that I can't even admire a potential gift without getting asked. One of my bosses makes handcrafted baby booties and she is a great business woman whom I admire and she often asks for my input which is why I've been "liking" various items of hers on FB. People instantly ask when's the baby due!?
No real question and I'm not mad at anyone just annoyed that I can't even enjoy my first full year let alone six months of marriage without being bugged about babies. I'm sure this happens a lot to you all as well. Just needed to vent!
Re: The Infamous "When are you having a baby" question....
Or maybe I just ignored it so much I never notice it anymore?
Either way, it's annoying.
You know, it died down after the first year for us, too.
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You aren't alone in this. We've been together for almost 9 years, and married for only 5 months.
By the way, there are "secret boards" on Pinterest. That is where I pin all of the baby and maternity things I like. We have quite a few friends who are expecting, and I like finding different gift ideas for them. So I just pin them to my secret board, and nobody knows they're there.
TTC since 1/13 DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system.
Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340 Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
Riley Elaine born 2/16/15
TTC 2.0 6/15
Chemical Pregnancy 9/15
Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
BFP 9/16 EDD 6/3/17
Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com
I love the secret boards! I have a baby-related board there for similar reasons and I just don't want people thinking I'm pregnant or something.
This is me too. EVERYONE asked for the first year and then I think they got bored asking when my answer was the same every time.
That line of questioning is annoying isn't it? Glad I'm not alone in feeling that way! The "when" question (or in some cases, "demand") started before we even got married! LMAO Depending on who is doing the asking, I like to vary my response from "we're enjoying being newlyweds?" to "we don't want kids, we only got married for the company"? to everything in between, always sarcastic with a "butt out" overtone.
To those that ask more innocently I let up on the sarcasm? but otherwise my response seems to get people to shut up. LOL
**6.30.12** I have found the one whom my soul loves.
It's absolutely annoying... but they're probably just trying to make conversation. Something like 80% of women get pregnant within the first year after they're married. So it's a pretty good bet for them if they think you're considering children soon.
When I told people that I was engaged, several of them blurted out immediately, "When are you due?" They were totally serious.
My favorite responses now are "Is that a remark about my weight?" or "Any second now" while patting my obviously not pregnant belly.
For a while I could feign excitement, lean in close, and whisper, "Well, we haven't actually told anybody, but I'm due in 37 months!!!" This was best if I could walk away right after saying it and leave them alone in their confusion.
Some of those responses are hilarious. I am going to use the due in "X amount of months" one! Haha my friend also suggested I just respond with "what's the rush?!"
I did however kind of freak out a little but ago before I read all these responses. One of my husbands coworkers who I don't care for much was bugging me about it because he has a toddler himself. I tried to give him subtle hints on how I really didn't care to speak about the subject with him. I even said, " I dont even want pets right now there is no way I need a kid." He just didn't get the hint I was able to keep my tongue because in my head the whole time I just wanted to be really rude and ask him when he thinks about losing some weight!
As we left that event H asks if everything is ok I explain to him that I'm just really getting annoyed with people asking about babies and the more the ask the more I am not excited about having kids. I told him I know most people aren't trying to be rude but I feel like its a personal question he agreed we thought what if there was some reason we were unable to have a child and it was a sore subject!
FF to dinner that night with his family who his sister has two kids and his brother has one. They bring up the question on our plan and H tries to brush of the subject by being funny and said, "oh probably never!" Then SIL says oh no I thought you were waiting a few more years, the other SIL says oh you will regret it if you don't have one! I automatically blurt out, "No I don't think I will regret not getting fat!" They all just stare at me! At the moment I didn't realize it was rude now I do! They didn't get mad but hopefully they get now that I'm too selfish at this point in my life if that is the first thing I think about! Plus I recently lost weight for my wedding last year and I'm feeling pretty awesome and don't want to change that it was a great accomplishment for me.
ha well yeah I'm going to try and be more tactful in my response! I'm also hanging out with my four year old brother lately to help my mom while she so recovering from some surgery. Oh man is he ever making me realize more and more that I am going live my 20s child free!
I've been married for over 5 years, and have been asked this question nearly every year (it's always worse around other weddings/births in the family). I've gotten more and more pissed off over the years, so now my go-to answer:
"So when are you guys going to start having kids?"
"When we decide to." or "When everyone stops pestering us about having them." (This is usually followed by an awkward pause and then a shift in conversation)
I think it's insanely rude for anyone to ask. What if I can't *have* kids? They don't know. I've never asked anyone when they're going to have children, because it's so impolite, and I discourage others from asking as often as possible. It's no one's freaking business when and if I decide to have kids.I've only been married for 7 months and I've been asked that question as well. I normally just smile and say we're planning on it.
On a different note, I think perhaps you should change your FB settings so people can't see what you liked. I've turned this off on mine although one time I used a different FB app and it says I'm reading a (fictional) book titled "Baby Proofing" and then I get all sorts of comments because people think I'm pregnant -- So I know what you mean
Happens all the time to us as well. Since we are now entering into our 7th year of marriage, all those that married around the same time as us have had children. It also doesn't help that most people our age (29) have children and are typically working on their 2nd or 3rd.
I typically answer with a smile and say I already have a kid to take care of, meaning dh. If they are persistent I say, "When we decide, you will be the first to know."
I saw this e-card on Facebook that said,
"The first year of marriage: Drinking at every meal just to prove you're not pregnant." LOL