The "R" Word..

wifey10414

My fiance and I are moving into a 3 bed, 2 bath one story ranch within the next couple of weeks. I was so excited about it until the mention of a roommate came up. He's 24, I'm 22, so we're young; I just don't want to be forgotten about due to video games, and I DO NOT want to be a party house. We may need some financial help; but isn't there a better way?? I like the potential candidates enough; but, I don't want it to turn into something out of control. Any advice? To be honest, I don't mind entertaining a little, or him playing video games with friends, (I'm not that much of a control freak) I just want to still be able to have time for just us, and not lose my romantic life to a friend.

cinderin

OP - do you *have* to have a roommate to afford the place? 

If not, then don't get one. If so, then I guess you will have to, or look for someplace cheaper.

 My DH plays video games. We own our own home, both work FT, don't have roommates, are in our 30s, have been married 8 years. He usually does it in the evening when I am watching TV. It is his relaxing recreation. 

I think being together does not mean spending ever waking hour together. In fact, that would drive me nuts.

You (as a couple) have to figure out how much alone/together time you want/need. Like all things in marriage, it is negotiated by communication and changes based on circumstances or over time. 

 

 

TarponMonoxide

My advice to you is don't do it.

It's not a good idea to have somebody else living with you and your SO,, whether it's a roommate or family or a friend.

The both of you need to find other ways to be more financially sufficient. Find a part time job and cut way way back on your household expenses; eliminate the frills. Stop eating out so much, if you and he eat out a lot.  Brown bag your lunches. Be voracious coupon clippers and use the coupons.

And find a cheaper apartment: why do you need so much bedroom space? 2 bedrooms would be fine; one would be better. Start saving a buck.

Supasm

I wouldn't do it. I have learned this the hard way. I thought having my sister live with us would be fine, not great, but fine. I was wrong. It caused lots of arguments, hurt feelings and there is no sense of privacy. It's a pain to constantly have someone else around. 

wifey10414

We had already agreed that date day/night, our main alone time, would be Sundays, since we both have weekends off. Don't get me wrong, we both enjoy alone time, and we also know that being together means not being all over each other all the time (we've been together 6 years now); I'll read or surf the internet while he plays games usually. We both work full time, but financially are sort of strained because we don't make THAT much, and are both still in college. The deal with the house is that his dad bought it; we're paying him rent for it, which is only half of the monthly mortgage, for the next ten years, then we take over the full payments. It's sort of a way to give us time to "get it together". I like the two friends that he has lined up as roommates; I just like them better not under the same roof.

EastCoastBride

You "may need some financial help"??  Then you can't afford the house. Even though it's only 1/2 the mortgage. You cant afford it. So, find another place to live or find a roommate. 

 

With a roommate, I'd suggest not having a "good buddy" of his move in. 22 year old guys living together?  Yeah, I expect that you could end up as 2nd fiddle. Maybe you FI will prove me wrong, but it's not really a chance I'd want to take.  

wifey10414

No apartment is going to be any cheaper than what the house payment will be for us; so after some thinking maybe the roommate situation won't be so bad. The two guys that we are looking at (we're only choosing one though) are both very good friends of ours; and one works with my fiance and the other works nights at his job. Either would be alright; the one that works with my fiance is VERY quiet and reserved. The one working nights is more open and is just as nice as the other guy. As long as I get my once a week date day on Sundays, I should be just fine. These 2 guys are ones I wouldn't mind TOO much having to live with for just a while. I'm not sure what had me so freaked out before; I guess maybe being worried about feeling forgotten. But, I have to think of my fiance's personality; he always tries his hardest to include me, and usually is successful. I'm just putting faith into this whole thing hopefully working out. Will update after a while--we're not moved in just yet, closing is next week.

DaringMiss

Are you buying or renting this house?

 

doglove

Do not buy a house if you cannot afford it. 

Joy2611

EastCoastBride:

You "may need some financial help"??  Then you can't afford the house. Even though it's only 1/2 the mortgage.  

 

Ding ding.

You can't afford a home.  There's no shame in that.

AnthaMayfair

If I were you, I would tell your sweetheart that it's all good and fine if he wants a "roomate", but then he'd be best to find two of them, as you certainly are past your "roomate" days. 

 

You DO NOT want to become a den mother. Trust me. 

TarponMonoxide

EastCoastBride:

You "may need some financial help"??  Then you can't afford the house. Even though it's only 1/2 the mortgage. You cant afford it. So, find another place to live or find a roommate. 

 

With a roommate, I'd suggest not having a "good buddy" of his move in. 22 year old guys living together?  Yeah, I expect that you could end up as 2nd fiddle. Maybe you FI will prove me wrong, but it's not really a chance I'd want to take.  

Suppose the roommate decides to move out or something happens where you politely tell him that he can no longer live with you and FI?

Don't count on other people to bring in extra money. As I said, get part time jobs on the side and find a much cheaper place to live.

chrisandsarahwedding

Friends as roommates never goes well, no matter how friendly they are. Good Luck.

wifey10414

We are renting this house from his parents who are the ones that bought it, we did number crunching a couple of days ago and it WILL be tight, but we can manage WITHOUT the roommate. The roommate would make things more financially comfortable, but we can manage on our own by cutting little expenses like landline phone and satellite, we mostly use Netflix anyhow. We have a decent savings account going, and both work full time at our jobs; he's paid weekly and I'm bi weekly; his parents have offered help with home insurance for us. We already have first months rent saved, which for all of you thinking its massively high, we found out we are only going to be paying 560 a month. Not bad. We will see. See? Can't get an apartment out here for that low even. Anyways, I'm more confident now than I ever was.

Five_letter

chrisandsarahwedding:

Friends as roommates never goes well, no matter how friendly they are. Good Luck.

This. I'd rather find someone on Craigslist. 

MJHershey

Don't do it if you cannot pay for it on your own.. what if the roommate falls through, backs out or doesn't pay?

ridesbuttons

wifey10414:

We are renting this house from his parents who are the ones that bought it, we did number crunching a couple of days ago and it WILL be tight, but we can manage WITHOUT the roommate. The roommate would make things more financially comfortable, but we can manage on our own by cutting little expenses like landline phone and satellite, we mostly use Netflix anyhow. We have a decent savings account going, and both work full time at our jobs; he's paid weekly and I'm bi weekly; his parents have offered help with home insurance for us. We already have first months rent saved, which for all of you thinking its massively high, we found out we are only going to be paying 560 a month. Not bad. We will see. See? Can't get an apartment out here for that low even. Anyways, I'm more confident now than I ever was.

This gets worse with the update.

His parents do not help with insurance.  His parents do not pay bills of  yours.  You are grown, married people.  You pay your own bills.  All of them.

I, personally, don't have an issue with a friend as a roommate provided that you have a decent, written contract.  DH and I had a friend live with us when we were in our early 20s and it worked out very well for all of us.  20 years later, we are all still very good friends.

Anyway, unless you can pay all of the bills to rent the home on your own (no roommate) I wouldn't start this living arrangement at all.

sillygoosegirl

Who is paying the property taxes, maintainence, insurance, and utilities on this house?  Those add up to more than the mortgage payment on our house.  I think you and your fianc? need to decline this generous offer from his parents.  You will be in over your heads in no time.