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PTSD and sex
Years before I met my current bf, I was raped. It was a really tough time for me and hard for me to recover from. I was eventually diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, mainly for my paranoia and flashbacks. I really thought I could never have a functional relationship after that until I met M.
M is wonderful. He understands my PTSD and respects my boundaries. A few months into dating I finally gave him the go ahead, that I was ready to have sex again and that I trusted him.
We have been dating for three years and our sex routine has declined. We used to do it very frequently (think multiple times a week) and now it's been months since our last romp about. I think it's my fault! For some reason recently my strong feelings of paranoia from the PTSD are back. I've talked with M and we are working together to figure it out, but every time we initiate sex I end up in tears. He hasn't done anything wrong, and I want to fix this rut we are in, but I can't shake the flashbacks. Help!
Re: PTSD and sex
I'm sorry for what you've gone through and are currently going through.
Have you seen a therapist? If you're not currently, you should. They can help you develop coping mechanisms and ways to deal with the panic and move past it.
I want to tell you how sorry I am for what you have experienced.
Are you still in therapy for your PTSD?
What do you think has caused your sex life to decline and your anxiety to increase around sex lately? Are there other triggers going on (assuming your boyfriend has continued to be a loving and supportive partner)?
What is your boyfriend saying about the frequency of your sex life?
What do *you* want from your sex life? What are you willing to do to get it?
It took me a long time to get back to what I would consider normal, plus some good therapy. It was about 7 years after being raped that I finally got ahold of my panic attacks and constant paranoia. And a few years later to really work on myself. The trauma from rape is overwhelming and effects people in different ways. I felt like my symptoms came out worse when I was in a trusting relationship too. I look back at this and I think it was because for a long time I kept all my thoughts so close, like I was in constant crisis. When I finally found a person that made me feel safe, I could release those feelings. You are so lucky to have someone who you can lean on.
I think it's great that you are reaching out to get help and talk about what happened to you. If you are able to see a therapist, I truly believe that is invaluable. If not, there are survivor support groups and RAINN.org has an online crisis counselor that you can speak to when you are feeling overwhelmed.
My Blog: The Practical Romantic
My Website: LuvTrip
I'm so sorry.
You both should definitely talk to a counselor.....a message board probably is not the way to go with this, professional all the way.
I don't see anything wrong with bringing this up in a public forum. People should be able to speak openly about issues of rape. Women already deal with so much silencing, she should not receive that treatment here.
And that last comment is just disgusting. Rape is an act of power and control in which the victim is forced to do something against their will. If it were "good sex" that would not be rape. People have fantasies and like different things sexually, that is ok if they are consenting. The difference here is that they are not.
Of course, therapy is very helpful to really get into the issues.
My Blog: The Practical Romantic
My Website: LuvTrip
I bet you screamed "RAPE ME HARDER!" when you got raped
I was in therapy and was treated with EMDR. It helped a lot, but I guess there are some underlying issues that have not been brought up. I am no longer in therapy, since I was doing really well for awhile. I guess I really should consider going back, and bringing my boyfriend to a few of the sessions.
Mckenzie915, thank you for your support. You make a very good point about feeling safe. I guess in a way it scares me that I can feel so happy and safe around him. I've been in such a bad place for such a long time, that it feels normal to be scared and upset. I'm not sure how to accept that yet.
I have been raped twice. And I live with PTSD and am on medication for it.
It's great that your BF is so understanding, but this is one of those things that you really need professional assistance with.
Hugs.
I've been through the exact same thing!! I was raped by my then boyfriend, and ended up getting pregnant. It's not easy to get over, but you can if you work really hard. I still have flashbacks of my experience, and I panic, but my fianc? is very understanding, like you say your boyfriend is. I agree that therapy helps a little bit, but go with someone that knows what you're going through. I found that it REALLY helps to tell a third party the gruesome details just to get them out of my head. I hardly have any anymore because I've found someone (she's not a therapist, but she's a social worker, and she listens) that will listen to what I have to say and talk to me about it. I hope you feel better.
Sometimes people don't like to go to a counselor but it really helps. It really helps, I can't even stress that enough. Also, I won't go into to details about me, but when ever I have horrific flashbacks from my past I write it in a journal (if anyone were to read it, it would look really depressing) and I read it to myself over and over and contemplate why I'm letting that hold me back from this, and I have come such a long way mentally because when you see it written out and confront it more it becomes easier to process, I guess.
But that is just what works for me, I'm a head on kind of person and that is how I try to confront my past so as not to hold me back anymore from my future with my husband.