DH with PE

anniesun913

Hey ladies,

 

My DH and I have been married for almost 2 years and have been together for 4. During most of that time, my DH has had an issue with PE (premature ejaculation). I have been very patient with this, knowing that he has gone through a lot in his life (sexually abused as a child). We have tried EVERYTHING including pills, therapy, different sex positions, books etc. but nothing has worked. I know that he feels like less of a man because of this and doesn't initiate sex much because he can't "please" me. I feel awful for him, but I have needs too! Please let me know if any of you are going through/have gone through this and what works for you! Thanks! 

TarponMonoxide

Has he tried masturbating, ejaculating and then have intercourse?

See if that works.

You could work it into foreplay --- have him put on a show for you or you do it and put on a show for him.:)

He needs therapy for the abuse and seeing a sex therapist --- the both of you go --- will help immensely. (You also because he needs a partner who can work on this with him -- and also because you've got the old school idea that the only way a woman can be "pleased" is via intercourse)

I think it would also be prudent for him to see a urologist --- maybe there is even a physical cause for the PE.  IT's something that can be fixed, if this is the problem.

There's also the old "think about screwing your high school geometry teacher" trick and "think about baseball" -- he can slow himself down that way.:)

Intercourse isn't the only way a partner can be "pleased." Is  he going down on you? Is he doing things to bring you to orgasm?  It's not just vaginal sex that'll do it.:)

Please don't bring a kiddo into the marriage until you get the PE issue resolved.  There's already stress and strain on your marriage due to this issue. You don't want to add more wood to the fire.

TarponMonoxide

DaddySong:

Get a divorce

This is a little drastic. Don't you think?

Hoping the OP returned to this thread --- you and he would benefit by seeing a sex therapist and he'd benefit by seeing a urologist to rule out any type of genitourinary tract problem that might be causing his PE.

anniesun913

Thanks for the advice! (ignoring the get a divorce post).

He has seen a urologist and any physical conditions have been ruled out. He has also seen a therapist, but a sex therapist is going to be the next step.

 Of course he does go down on me and I have orgasms in other ways, which is great, he is just very self conscious about the sex. 

Thanks again! 

letzgoracing81

Dealing with the immediate issue.....you guys need to work other stuff into the sex before actual intercourse.  That way you can get off a couple times before penetration.  Use his hand, a toy....or even oral.

As for dealing with the direct issue....

You got some great advice from others....I think he can help get some control by doing a few things....the OP had some good advice on thinking of some boring stuff to help him hold back.  Also, taking care of business before he joins you in the bedroom might help him last longer.

My best advice is for HIM to use his private time to get to know his own body and practice some self control.  If he focuses on himself while masterbating he can learn how is body is working....what is point-of-no-return is.  Does that make sense?  He can also use those times as a opportunity to stop (when he gets close) and restart when he feels like he has control again.   This is not something that will happen overnight....it will take time.   That is why it is so important you guys learn how to add a lot of foreplay and extras into your sex (see my advice above) while he is going through the process of figuring this stuff out.

DavidStamps

Since you went the medical route I would strongly suggest you get him off first....then go into foreplay, him down on you and in time he will get his second wind and intercourse will last longer. I would suggest masturbation, but you don't want him to know that you are talking about him on a message board, not good. But make intimacy about him, please him...talk dirty....get him off....and as a man he will work harder to return the favor. Most of us (men) are worried about making our wives happy and really want to please them in the bedroom. I'm sure he is one of those guys. Help him, help you and I bet it will get better.

TarponMonoxide

Work the masturbation into foreplay. Use that for starters.

Mix it up a bit:

Lend him a hand
You put on a strip show for him and he pleasures himself while he watches you
Mutually masturbate each other