Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I Worry too much
My DH works 2 jobs. One of them is directly in our backyard, we both work there as a team. In the afternoons he leaves and goes to a second job. He used to get home at 7:30 and now he's been getting home at 8:30. I know he is only hanging out with work friends then but he doesn't always hang out after work so I usually call around 7:30 to see if he is headed home. Ya know, since I want to have dinner together, I try to time it to be ready when he gets home.
Last night, I made dinner for us... it was ready at 7:30. I called him to ask him if he was on his way, no answer. Called him again a little while later, no answer. At 8:30 I was worried when he finally got home. And he was already mad at me when he got home only because he knew I was worried about him. He said for me to stop expecting him for before 8:30 because I am not his mother and I should stop worrying so much. For the record, my mother is a worrier and so am I. I learned it from her, its been a lifelong thing. How does he expect me to just turn that off? He is being very inconsiderate of my feelings and concerns. And I feel like there is no compromise, no meeting in the middle, he just expects me to change how I feel. And I've had it. I think I'm just going to not worry about him tonight and I won't make him any dinner. Unless someone can tell me how I should handle this without being angry and spiteful.
Re: I Worry too much
Sounds like you should maybe act like an adult instead of a pouty child.
Sit down and talk with him - let him know that you like to have dinner ready for him, but if he can't communicate with you as to when he will be home then you will not be preparing dinner on those evenings.
I think you're taking his getting home late as a personal attack, chill out and understand that some nights he will have to work later than other nights.
Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter
It is not unreasonable to ask someone with a varying schedule to be considerate enough to advise when they're going to be home. He should pull his head out and stop being a stubborn mule.
However, as an adult "I'm just a worrier" is not an excuse. Work on getting control of your anxiety. Expect him home at 830, and if he comes home at 730 then it's a bonus. You get an extra hour to spend together while one of you prepares dinner.
This really isn't a situation that should have snowballed into acrimony. You BOTH need to work on respecting how the other feels and you BOTH need to give in this situation.
Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
I really really hate the "Well, this is way I am - deal with it" attitude. It's oozing out of both of you here.
You're a worrier. Well, guess what? It's time to work on it.
He likes to go out late with his friends and ignore calling you? Well, guess what? It's time to work on it.
You both need to sit down and come up with a plan that works. Example: He'll agree to be home by 8:30pm every evening and if he isn't going to make it, he has to call once with an updated, approximate time home. You, in turn, need to relax and trust that he'll do so.
There are ways to deal with worry and anxiety. It's not just up to everyone else to carry that burden for you. I come from a home where my mother's anxiety is so extreme and out of control that we're all breaking from making sure SHE'S calm. It's not fair. AT ALL.
Much later would constitute 11:30 or later, not 8:30.
No one else sees an issue with OP's H going out every work night with coworkers? I could see 1-2 times a week, but every work night? I know it's only for an extra hour, but that time adds up especially since it's already 7:30pm when he gets home if he's not staying out with coworkers. IMO that's already kind of late.
OP, if you have kids now or are planning on kids in the future, is this still going to fly or will your H change his ways? Just something to think about.
First of all stop waiting on him for dinner...if you want to eat at 730 then eat. If he isnt considerate enough to let you know when he is going to bew home dont worry about his dinner....remember you arent his mother.
Im going to disagree with the others,,,,if my H is going to be late he should be considerate enough to make a 2 second phone call.
And YES to the pp...i would definitely have an issue if my h felt the need to go out every night!
I absolutely would. I also think that's partly where the OP's feelings are coming from. He sounds selfish and entitled
Yeah going out with coworkers all the time and not having the decency to call or text you is selfish. I'd understand if he was just stuck at work longer and got held up a lot (my H does that a lot), but to be having fun and not wanting to take the one minute to let you know whats up is not right. I would just make dinner at the time that YOU want and he can reheat it. You shouldn't have to wait around for him while he has fun all the time.