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Kind of vent, maybe... really long.
So my brother had scheduled to come over and visit yesterday, which is cool. ?He is 27, a drummer, and and eco geek, he refuses to have a car, even an eco friendly one.
Anyway, so I was waiting for him to call and tell me what time he was coming, he did call and tell me he was getting on the bus from Van Nuys right then, and right before he hung up said oh by the way Lacy is coming with me. ?All I could say was OK. ?We really weren't up to a stranger visitng us. house was clean, but not stranger, 1st impression clean, so DH & I made a mad dash to clean the place up to 1st impression standards.
DH wasn't happy as it was his day off and didn't get a lick of sleep the previous night at work, so he was pretty much exhausted and we really just wanted to kick it lazy style with my brother.
Whatever, we just ran with it. ?Brother calls when they are half way here asking if we were hungry, we said no, just grab a bite to eat for yourselves, which was true.
Brother gets here announces they didn't eat, they will wait until we get hungry to eat, meaning they want to go to a restaurant to eat, which really wasn't in our budget, but we ran with it.
Everyone is kicking it relaxing, brother's girlfriend (Lacy) is petting my cat, who shed's a whole lot, I mean a lot. ?She is petting the cat kind of?vigorously, and with every pet she is taking off a ton of cat hair ?and shaking her hands off in the air letting the cat hair fly all over, then states boy this cat sheds a lot.??I swiffer daily so I don't have cat hair everywhere, and now I have cat hair flying around.
OK so we move on, we are watching the football game it is around 4, my brother asks, when do you guys usually get hungry around her? Meanwhile the girlfriend is laying on my sofa taking a nap! ?Dh tells him, after the football game. ?In the meantime he is asking me about Jacob's stuff, and asking how much of his stuff did I buy at a thrift store, I said uh.. none. ?He actually got a little upset and asked why? ?I told him he would understand after he had his 1st child, he said no, please tell me why you didn't buy anything used. ?I said because I didn't want my kid to have anything used. ?He is my 1st child and the 1st grand kid on both sides, so I have no one I trust to actually hand me stuff down. ?Lets see when he has a kids if his baby's momma (or him for that fact) really has the same feeling.
So after the game, we go out to eat @ chili's. ?At the end of the meal brother asks so do you want some cash for my meal? ?DH is frustrated and just throws down the card, I handed brother the bill, I didn't feel that we should have to pay for his & his girlfriend's dinner. ?They coughed up the $$$. ?
During dinner he is telling me how I shouldn't give Jacob any dairy because of all the chemicals, or any processed food, and how bad any and all food other than organic is so bad for you, and how he is organic and all that kind of BS, but while he is at my house he drinks up all my Soda's! ?How is that organic?
We went back to my house, I am feeding Jacob since he didn't want to eat @ chili's, brother's girlfriend proceeds to take another nap on my sofa. ?I am in the kitchen cleaning up, DH comes in and makes himself some coffee, tells me I think they are waiting for me to take them home (but yet no one has asked him), so DH gets ready, It is time for Jacob's bath, so I get him ready, tell everyone bye, and they leave sometime around 7:15.
DH drove them from Pasadena, back to Van Nuys, neither offer him any gas $$$ not that he would have taken it, but the offer would have been appreciated. When he got home, he had missed Jacob's bed time (there was an accident on the freeway), which really sucked since he works today and Jacob won't see him until Monday when he gets home. ?He didn't get home until about 9:30. DH told me that no matter when my brother wants to come over tell him that DH is working, brother only comes over when DH is here, because I won't drive him home. ?DH doesn't want to have to drive him home anymore. ?He feels like he is being taken advantage of, by brother assuming that DH will drive him home. (the last time he was in the area, he came by and asked if we could take him & his female friend to the huntington library. ?Then when they were done he actually called my DH to pick them up and take them home!)
I found out the girl is only 19, so that would kind of explain the way she made herself so comfy in a strangers home, we had never met prior to yesterday.
I was still kind of ticked that my brother invited her along with out asking me prior. ?It really changed the day. ?I was also kind of ticked about how she just made herself so comfortable to sleep on my sofas, that no one sleeps on, and the whole cat hair thing.?
By the way brother is my 1/2 brother, same dad different mom's. ?I have really only become close with him since about 2004.
How do I let him know it isn't cool to bring people over without letting us know earlier than hey I am getting on the bus now, oh and by the way X is coming with me, and about the whole driving him home thing? ?DH is really tired after work, he really enjoys his days off, and gets really ?exhausted and just wants to chill in the evening, not drive all the way back by his work.
DO I speak to him? ?What should I say? ?If it were my little sis, who I lived with, I wouldn't have any hesitation saying hey that wasn't cool, please give me a little more heads up so I can see if DH is up to it!
I also feel like saying hey your girl needs to be a little more respectful and not go to sleep on a hosts sofa, until it is offered or at least she knows them a little better. ?I kind of take it as a compliment that my home is so comfy that she can sleep there without even knowing us, but I still think it is kind of rude.
I don't know, I feel a little bitchy about this but still a little offended.
Just maybe frustrated is the word for it. ?I just really don't know. ?Help!!!
Thanks for reading this entire thing. ?Any other point of views or help would be appreciated.?
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Re: Kind of vent, maybe... really long.
if it was me, i would just be upfront, after all he is your brother, half or not. basically i'd say, we really enjoy your company and like having you over, however when my husband is off and is home, that's exactly where he wants to be H O M E.
if he offers you a ride thats more than fine but please dont expect him to give you a ride home, and in the future if you plan on bringing a girl just let us know so we can plan it out, you can tell him you were just planning to lounge around the house, maybe have pizza or make something simple.
good luck!!
oi, that sounds like such an annoying day for you!
(I can totally imagine everything you described, too)
Perhaps you can call him and say "hey, it was really nice seeing you, and nice to meet/see Lacy, but I have to let you know that we weren't really prepared for company or to go out at all. How about the next time you guys come for a visit we'll plan in advance to go out or stay in?"
I don't know what to say about them expecting a ride home, though... that's when you may have to pull the kidlet card and say "my son needs both his parents home to tuck him in!"
The age thing is not a big deal. ?He actually acts like a 19 year old, so it seems they mesh well together.
My lil sis who is 21 is dating a 43 year old. so... ?yeah my fam is all jacked up!?
Ugh...I'm irritated for you! If your brother is responsible enough to care so deeply for the environment and make sure that he expresses and pushes his opinions and judgments on you, he should be responsible enough to take care of his transportation needs BOTH ways, pay for his bill, and for the gas your husband used to drive him and his narcoleptic girlfriend home!
I don't really have much advice for you, if he's family you should be able to tell him how you feel, but seeing how immature he is, I'm not sure he'd handle the criticism. Next time either blow him off, or make sure he knows that he's imposing on your family time, and you wouldn't mind hanging with him, but it's going to be on your terms. Good luck!