Married Life
Dd107
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Married after 5 weeks
in Married Life
So I have a confession..my husband and I got married after only knowing each other for five weeks!!! Our marriage is wonderful, his father and brother are both preachers and they are always there to help us out if we start arguing or anything. I feel extremely blessed but I have been judged so much! I completely understand if your daughter wanted to marry after five weeks, you would probably have a heart attack. I just want some opinions on this. Be honest! It won't hurt! I've lost a lot of friends over this marriage because they think I'm psycho, and I've even had my hometown church members completely abandon me. I was in a relationship with this man for three years that fell apart before meeting my now husband. that relationship was with a guy at my hometown church and ifeel that may be part of the reason the church members wont have anything to do with me. They all expected me to marry him, but after three years he still wouldnt commit and he wouldnt get a job. So i guess after we broke up, everyone looked at me like the bad guy! No one besides my family and his family talks to me, with the exception of a few close friends. Are they right in abandoning me? I just want some healing on this broken heart of mine!
Re: Married after 5 weeks
Wow, is all I have to say. Sorry! Do I think it's right that your church family and friends are abandoning you? Heavens no. Your friends should stand by you whatever decisions you make in your life, even if they don't agree. If they can't do that, then they really aren't true friends. As for your church family, same thing,..they should support each other.
I think you should also be asking yourself, why are your friends abandoning you? Is it just that they don't agree with what you did, or is there also some underlying issue?
TTC since June 2012
If you are mature enough to get married, you are mature enough not to give a tinker's d@mn about other people's opinions.
Yes, I would be worried about a friend who got married within 5 weeks of knowing someone. I would be worried that they were on the rebound or possibly leaving themselves vulnerable to an abusive relationship.
But real friends wouldn't abandon someone in that situation. They would maintain the friendship and make sure that their friend knew that if something went wrong, they would be there to help. Real friends stand by their friends.
I am going to make a guess that you are under the age of 23.
While your odds may not be good, statistics are just statistics and there's still a chance.
I know people who got married quickly after meeting and it's turned out find for them and 20-30 years later they're still in love and making it work.
I agree with PP that it's time to stop caring what other people think/say and just focus on making your marriage work. Congratulations & good luck!
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You know it's sad some religious people really are like that. We had premarital counseling and I believe in our marriage..God has blessed us and if we keep Him first, our marriage will last a lifetime.
I definitely agree with the bolded. There is no way that you and your DH truly knew each other after 5 weeks. I am sure there is still things I don't know about DH and that he doesn't know about me and we've been together for 4 years this Valentine's Day (Married since October 2011). I can't fathom meeting someone and then getting married to them just 5 short weeks. Yes, I'm sure there are others that do that, and I'm sure it happened more years ago. My parents had their first date Valentines day of 1986 and got married that December. That's only 10 months, and I find that crazy to think about now as well!
TTC since June 2012
my favorites are when I hear a religious Christian or catholic say that Jesus doesn't like the gays. From what I know Jesus loves everyone with out discrimination. I'm not a god filling man but I love the hypocrisy of faith.
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Sometimes when you know you know I pray that it all works out. And like you said if you do have issues you won't be ashamed to seek marriage counseling. I think all couples should even the ones that have been together forever.
As for your church that is horrible of them to judge you that way as Christians we are called to not judge but to carry each others burdens. They should be there for love and support. But we are all sinners and we all make mistakes we have to remind ourselves of that. Maybe try mending relationships there if that's not possible try going to a new church. There you can get involved and surround yourself with Christians who won't judge you. God is good and he makes good out of everything and every situation. God cares about your marriage now and making it strong is all that matters nothing else.
Praying for you girl =]
"A women who can kneel before the Lord can stand up to anything"
All of this!!! DH and I re-met, got engaged and got married all in the same year and everything is wonderful!! We learn new things about each other every single day and you know what they say, "You never finish knowing a person"! I love my DH and our marriage is great! Congrats on your wedding and ignore all the people saying negative stuff, they are not nor were ever your true friends!!
Okay. I'm trying to come up with a way to say this without sounding horrible. Because I don't think people who get married quickly are doomed to have failed marriages. But seriously, one of these posters has been married a few months and the other about a year. They're still newlyweds and really have no actual frame of reference for what their marriages are going to be like for the long haul. I sincerely hope their statements are just as true 10 years from now. Because looking at your relationship 1-2 years in doesn't necessarily predict what it will e like in 10 or 20 years. A good deal of the time, it doesn't. If it did, divorce rates would only be high for people in new marriages. Most people I know who are divorced were married 15-20 years first, a good portion of that time they spent happy. People grow and change and life happens and you say and do all sorts of things you never would have though previously, both good and bad.
OP, no it's not right that people have abandoned you for making a choice they don't agree with. Sadly, like PPs have said, this is often par for the course when you join a group with strict rules about what is acceptable and what isn't. I suggest you find yourself some non-church friends who will be less judgmental about your situation. And also, please don't go to your relatives when you fight, even if they are preachers. It's just not a good idea to involve family in your relationship with your husband. They're not able to be unbiased, even if they appear to be.
This is what I love love love about "Christians" --- pissy and judgemental and casting the first stone themselves!
What happened to Judge not lest ye be judged???
With Christians like that, who needs enemies?
YOu have a conflict with religion. It's not the be all and end all -- you can see that these people are in the wrong. Find another religious denomination and one that is accepting of all. There's only one God and he won't mind if you check into another religious denomination.:)
Most people are judgemental. Nothing you can do will change their opinion of you.. All you can do is be the bigger person. Keep your head held high and live your life as you would day to day. Look, these people have already made up their mind. There's no use in going out of your way to make 'good' with them again. It will leave you feeling even more outcasted, trust me. I've been struggling with this for 2 years. I left my ex husband for another man, we got married after 7 months and got pregnant 11 months after meeing. I'm the most happiest I've ever been and absolutely made the right decision but friends that my ex and I shared (which, btw, where my friends first) chose him. I've made attempt after attempt to repair things with these ladies and it's a done deal. They're still civil - but it will never be the same. Just move on.
I agree that people do change and *** happens, yes I have been married 1 year but its been a great year. I honestly wish that in 10 years I will be able to say that yes I am still happy and that our marriage has worked but If it doesn't then oh well at least ill be able to say that my H gave me a great few years and that he treated me good! I don't want to base my marriage on statistics and just enjoy the time that I am married and happy and if I'm not happy then you move on.
I can honestly say that DH has given me a great 1 year of marriage and that I do believe he is my soulmate!
i agree with this. but kimbus said it much more nicely than i would have, which is why i didn't say anything at first. i don't think your marriage is doomed simply because you got married after knowing your husband for five weeks. stranger things have happened. but a lot of the ladies on this board are SO newly-wedded that they can't give you advice about much. and although i've been married for much longer than many of the ladies here (10 years), i can't give you advice either, because i knew my husband for years before we got married.
i think it's weird that you jumped into marriage right after breaking up with someone who wouldn't commit. i also think it's weird that you advertise this fact about yourself as if it's something to brag about. i also wonder how old you are. as an incredibly happily married old hag, i agree with the PP who said you can't possibly be older than 23.
Yeah like I said, I'm trying not to be a @ss here. The day I met my husband I went home and told my best friend we were getting married. So I knew from day 1 that he was it for me. But our relationship the first couple of years and our relationship now (almost 12 years later) is very different. Some things are the same, but a lot changes. I don't forsee us breaking up but I didn't forsee a lot of the things that we've dealt with in the last dozen years either so who knows.
Oh I know you're not trying to be an a$$, everyone has the right to speak what they feel. I agree with what you said, a lot of things change and people change. I do think that OP getting married after 5 weeks is very fast, it took us 1 year to tie the knot (still not a long time) but 5 weeks is very fast specially since she had just broken up with someone, kinda seems like a rebound!
All I can say is:
Good luck, sweetie. I honestly hope that everything works out for you.
My husband I eloped after 5 weeks of dating. We've been married for almost 5 years now and are as just in love as we were the day we married. I wouldn?t have had it any other way.
Make new friends.The last thing anyone needs is meddling and judgment ; the people who you thought were your friends are obviously not. You will get over it and move on.
No one should abandon you. I believe in love at first sight. I also believe in rebounding. Just hope you're not confusing the two in order to heal your broken heart.
Best of luck!
I don't personally understand why anyone would get married after only five weeks, but that's not my decision to make for anyone. So while I don't necessarily 'agree' with your choice, if you were my friend, there's no way I would cut you off because of it. This makes me wonder if there is another variable in play here....
Either way, the only thing you can do at this point is focus on keeping yourself and your husband happy...and hope that you can work through any issues that will undoubtedly come up (not just because you got married so quickly, but because you are two people still in the beginning stages of getting to know one another).